Stars Come Together
by LyingMonsters
Summary: Mere years after humanity has escaped an unlivable, war-torn Earth, Yao Wang is an untested leader of the Middle fleet who's recently allied with the technologically superior Russian fleet. The ambassador assigned to him is called Ivan Braginsky. RoChu.
1. Chapter 1

**Testing the waters is more necessary than anything.**

 **0o0o0o**

Yao had insisted on personally handling the observatory when he'd first come to power three years ago, and it was still an excellent choice, in his opinion.

It was a science in deadly things. Careful calculations were needed in order to ensure the Middle fleet didn't accidentally drift into a gravity well, the disruptions caused by the other fleets, or the deadliest of all, pulled into a nebula.

Nebulas were taught to be feared from the earliest of ages. Just a few years ago, the Celestial Knights had been decimated by a nebula reaching critical mass and their own carelessness. Now, their remaining population had all but dissolved into the Russian, Lower European, and ex-Satellite fleets. The so-called leader, an albino with a newly strained grin and a metal right arm, had supposedly taken refuge with the Axis starships.

It was the greatest fall from grace anyone had heard of, and Yao was determined to keep his people far away from any such fate.

Such was why he had agreed to allowing assigned members of the Russian fleet to watch him as he worked. It was a sign of trust to allow another group's members into a fleet's main observatory, and was a large step along the path to cementing their alliance. Yao thought it was just so they could steal his technology, but he didn't say so.

'Well, I'm done here,' he announced, brushing off his hands. 'If you'd come with me, we can go to dinner.'

'I thought a speech was first,' a large man commented calmly. Yao turned to him as he stepped forward, reminding himself not to immediately order him back.

'We thought you might be hungry,' Yao corrected, blindly tapping out a message to Kiku to postpone his speech until after dinner while his hands were hidden in his pockets.

'I was looking forward to hearing the speech,' the man said again. His voice was rather high for such an imposing figure.

'And you will hear it,' Yao assured, before turning away. Behind him, the ambassadors fell in step.

Halfway out the door, the large man stepped in beside him and gently took his arm. His strength was evident even from such a gentle touch, silently warning him not to pull away.

'Please let go of me, Mr…?'

Without answering, he withdrew Yao's hand from his pocket, the communication device still attached. Yao reddened. The man glanced down, then calmly returned Yao's gaze.

'Braginsky.'

0o0o0o

When Yao sat down to eat, his arm was still stiff. Kiku had graciously agreed to make his speech after dinner. Yao didn't tell him that it was useless now, since the only person it would have proved wrong was invulnerable.

On his left, the large Russian delegate was not partaking in the conversation.

'Do you not like the food?' Yao asked, silently praying it was not so.

'The food is very good. I do not like the subject of discussion,' Braginsky replied. Yao forced a laugh.

'Of course. You've probably heard all about the tax evasions on property lately.'

'I have, indeed, but that is not why I am bored.' Braginsky waved it off, focusing intensely on the black-haired leader. 'I would rather be talking about you.'

Yao nearly flinched in surprise. 'Me?'

'You, yes.' Braginsky's violet eyes were coldly interested. 'Tell me about yourself, starting with your name.'

'You already know my name,' Yao bluffed. Braginsky smiled.

'But I'd rather hear it from you.'

'Yao Wang,' Yao said, and turned to his food. 'And you?'

'You already know my name, do you not?' he said. 'What do you want with our technology?'

Yao's blood ran cold. He mentally catalogued every scrap of information he and the Middle fleet had volunteered over the past three days and found it too much and still seemingly impossible to glean such a thing from at the same time.

'You can tell me, Yao,' Braginsky assured, close enough for Yao to catch the scent of his scarf, heady like wine, lightened by the notes of flowers and deepened again by metal. 'I won't tell anyone else.'

'We want nothing to do with your technology,' Yao breathed. Braginsky's smile widened.

'As long as you say so.'

Without another word, he turned back to his food. Yao suddenly noticed he'd been leaning back, nearly toppling onto Kiku. The slight, quiet man looked over worriedly, and Yao offered him a strained smile. Braginsky was odd, certainly, but Yao felt like he would keep his promise not to tell.

By now, he was talking to an unusually somber Im Yong Soo. Yao settled back into his meal with periodic glances at the intimidating Russian man, who seemed to anticipate them every time.

Yao had memorized Kiku's welcoming speech weeks in advance, and the young man certainly had his peculiar way with words, but he found himself so distracted by Braginsky's quiet, random chuckles that almost missed the cues to applaud. Every error and slip-up in this disastrous day had been his fault, and Yao felt helpless to do anything.

0o0o0o

'Of all the alliances to make,' he complained to Kiku. 'We could have gone with the EU fleet. They have much less ships, yes, but more people.'

'You know I have close ties with the Axis,' Kiku interjected. 'Also, they would surely take your withdrawal of support with little happiness, to say the least.'

'You know I'm just venting, Kiku, seriously. Of course we're keeping an alliance with the Russian Union. We need their ships and we need their technology. I'm just creeped out by Braginsky.'

'Ivan Braginsky?' Kiku asked.

'Yes, yes. Ivan Braginsky. The one sitting next to me during dinner.'

Kiku looked slightly uncomfortable. 'I'm sorry, you're saying that they have assigned Ivan Braginsky to you?'

'Yes, why?' Yao asked.

'It's a rather odd choice,' Kiku said carefully. Yao prodded him, but he would say nothing more.

0o0o0o

The next day, Kiku brought more bad news.

'Two of your ambassadors have been reassigned by request.'

Yao had a sinking feeling who the remaining one was. 'By who's request?' he asked.

'An Ivan Braginsky's,' Kiku said stiffly. 'He wished to escort you himself.'

'Oh, the tour of their observatory, their speech, their dinner,' Yao groaned. He'd known the date for weeks, but he'd completely forgotten about it in the face of Braginsky's violet eyes and strange attention.

'Yes.' Kiku's demeanour softened momentarily. 'Would you like me to come with you? I'm sure I can request-'

'It will be seen as weakness, Honda!' Yao said. 'Ivan Braginsky is a strange man, but he is nothing I cannot handle.'

'As long as you're confident in your abilities,' Kiku said, again emotionless. Yao pressed his lips together, but could find no way to apologize smoothly.

'When does the orientation start?'

'Two hours,' Kiku said without checking his device. The silence stretched. Kiku cleared his throat, calmness a thin film between them. 'Yao?'

'Yes?'

His successor's eyes met his, flickering with apprehensive fear. 'May the stars come together for you.'

Yao looked away, battling with a riot in his chest. 'I'm glad to see you've finally picked up a few of my proverbs.'

When he looked back, Kiku was gone.

Ivan was dressed much more casually today, in a heavy beige coat, dark green pants, and leather gloves, a stark difference from yesterday's darker, fur-trimmed coat. His scarf remained around his neck. Yao had the feeling that he would be extremely hard-pressed to remove that one accessory, and had no intention to test so.

'Hello, Yao!' Ivan beamed. 'I am here to escort you to our observatory, yes?'

'Of course,' Yao said, bowing, suddenly aware of the brightness of his red silks against this starkly wintery starship. Ivan watched him as he rose and started off down a long hallway.

'Come, Yao.'

Yao did, silently resenting the utter control Ivan always seemed to be in. The Middle fleet was the one who had initiated the alliance, Ivan should feel at least obliged to treat him as an equal. Then, Yao, walking slightly too far to be dignified, realized that Ivan did. It was just something about him that threatened subservience.

He was a natural leader but took no such position, which Yao had come to learn did not mean laziness so much as manipulation.

Ivan stopped at a door identical to the others that spotted the hall and pushed it inwards. Yao stepped inside and the entire sky was made of stars.

It was impossible to stop a small gasp. Rumours had abounded of the Russian fleet's main observatory, but Yao had never paid heed. He wished he had now, just so he could feel them shatter, standing under the stretching glass.

'This is our observatory,' Ivan said, standing in front of the door. 'It is magnificent, yes?'

'It is,' Yao agreed readily, turning to him, a million questions ready. Ivan's eyes were alight with almost childish joy. He drew closer, and Yao suddenly felt how cold the air in the observatory was in comparison to Ivan in his proximity, and then his hand, strangely soft, as it caressed his face.

'You outshine any mere star I could have stumbled upon,' he whispered, then retreated. The space his hand had been was cold in his absence.

'Nobleman Yao, you are a lucky find in the courts of the Middle fleet, and lucky indeed to have found me. Not all of my soldiers would have shown you such kindnesses.' His hand gently pinched at Yao's red silk shirt, tugging him closer. 'Of course, red is a colour for luck.'

A second hand pressed against Yao's back, guiding him closer until their chests were flush. His eyes were not entirely violet, but almost blue at this distance, making Yao reconsider his idea that he'd had them modified. Ivan Braginsky really did just have piercing violet eyes.

'I saw Earth,' Ivan murmured. 'I was born on Earth.'

Then he released Yao, gently pushing him away with an amused smile. Yao gasped for a breath he didn't know he was holding, frantically smoothing his clothes.

'The dinner is soon.'

0o0o0o

Yao was alone at dinner. Ivan sat calmly next to him, making no conversation. Yao's head was spinning. Ivan was one of the First generations. They'd supposed to all have died by now, stripped away by the diseases they inhaled or age, unless…

Yao snuck a look at the large man and found him looking back. He broke their gaze first, trying to reconvene his thoughts. Ivan didn't look old enough to have fought in the wars that had ravaged the surface and stripped the air of oxygen with bioweapons. He could be lying, or he could have been born shortly before the first starships took to space.

Yao was confused about Ivan, but mostly he was just jealous. The Middle fleet leader had never set foot on solid ground and was never expected to. He was part of the Second generations, conscripted from birth to pilot the starships towards humanity's future home. If Ivan had touched the soil of a planet, breathed real air, even if it was scorched and rancid...what Yao wouldn't give for that.

Yao was born just years after the spaceships fled, and that was what made the loss of what he'd never known so much more bitter. To those who said one cannot miss what they have never known, to those who preach that what one doesn't know would never hurt them before making decisions, Yao scoffed. Earth was a phantom limb to him, a pain not in the way a missing arm was painful but in the way being born without such a thing was.

 **0o0o0o**

 **Nine times out of ten the waters are bearable, anyways.**

 _ **:: Looking at normal things upside down and finding them alien**_


	2. Chapter 2

**How much time is there in space?**

 **0o0o0o**

Ivan was right. Yao Wang, leader of the Middle fleet, wanted Earth like an spurned lover. The flame of jealousy and spite that had mixed with the wonder in his eyes when Ivan had told him had confirmed the ambassador's observations. Yao was the kind who had hot anger, bright and fast. He would think little of dirtying his hands with blood in the heat of the moment.

Ivan wanted Yao to tell him more about himself. He wanted to see awe on his face again. He wanted to see the shock and fear and want his secret had garnered again. Mostly, he just wanted Yao. Fiery, sharp, interesting Yao.

Ivan chuckled and glanced over to where the leader of the Middle fleet was making polite conversation with his sister.

'Ah, Yao. I see you have met Natalya?'

Yao glanced back, jaw tense. 'I have.'

'She is my sister,' Ivan continued, leaning in. Yao minutely drew _closer_. Delighted, Ivan smiled. 'She is a commander in battle, and very impressive.'

'Indeed.' Yao abruptly turned to his food, every muscle taut. However, Ivan knew the nobleman had leaned in when he had.

How far would Yao lean in if pressed? Ivan wanted to know, but it would have to be a science in pretty things if he didn't want Yao to become suspicious.

Ivan waited exactly seven minutes before taking Yao's arm. The fleet leader stopped and glanced over sharply.

'I thought we went over this yesterday, Braginsky,' he said. Ivan pretended not to hear him.

'I have things to show you, nobleman Yao. Come with me,' he invited. 'Natalya will take care of your absence.' Behind Yao, his sister glanced up with a slight frown, but Ivan was confident she would obey. Rank was only one of the things that kept people in line, and so Natalya far outstripping him in status simply brought them level at the dinner table.

Yao bowed his head to the elegant woman next to him, thanking her for the meal before rising from his chair.

'What is it you want me to see?' he asked. Ivan shook his head and gently pulled at him again, and with little reluctance, Yao followed.

0o0o0o

'I do enjoy your observatory, Ivan,' Yao said, 'but it is nothing new. What is it I am supposed to see?'

'You are interested in my origins and as I have said, I,' Ivan said, reaching forward to touch Yao's face, 'am interested in you.'

Yao jerked back before Ivan could touch him. 'I have said twice not to touch me and yet you still do it.'

'Do you want to know my secrets, Yao?' Ivan asked. 'I feel like secrets should not be kept among friends.'

'Is that what we are, now, Ivan?' Yao asked with a practiced laugh. Ivan almost winced at it.

'Do not laugh falsely,' Ivan commanded. Yao stopped, and Ivan saw a flash of fear in his eyes. He had never had anyone who saw the falseness in his court-regulated expressions before, or simply nobody honest enough to say. Ivan would be honest with him, even if it hurt him.

Ivan motioned for them to sit down.

'Lies like those are not a thing between friends,' Ivan continued, calm again. Yao grimaced, his hot and bright anger clear.

'Secrets should perhaps not be held over friend's heads, either,' he growled, barely managing to keep poise.

'It is not a secret, Yao. Not unless it is true.'

Yao stiffened, struggling for words, and Ivan shook his head. Yao, so impulsive and fierce. It would ruin him unless Ivan was there to keep him safe.

'So, Ivan,' Yao began. 'What secrets do you have?'

'More than I am willing to tell you yet,' Ivan said. 'For example, you want to know why my sister is held in such esteem when I am not.'

Yao nodded, carefully hiding any traces of frustration. 'I would like to know, Ivan.'

'They are jealous, just like you,' Ivan said simply. Yao opened his mouth, but Ivan spoke overtop of him. 'They know, in their rational thoughts, that I was born into a time of more hopelessness than war-for war is bloody and terrifying, but cleaning up the shattered remains is simply numbing. They know that the toxins I breathed when I was barely old enough to open my eyes ruined my body and ravaged my lungs beyond repair. They know I wish to be like them and still they envy me. Why do they envy me, Yao Wang?'

Yao sighed, his words rang of defeat. 'Because humans who have never seen it long for Earth like a phantom limb.'

'Like a spurned lover,' Ivan said softly. 'You are jealous of me because even though the Earth I saw was shattered, at least I saw it.'

He rose, and Yao followed as he made his way towards the door.

'Ivan.'

Ivan did not turn around.

'Ivan, listen to me.' Yao stepped forward and caught his sleeve. Ivan looked back, almost confused at Yao's boldness and the contrast of his hand on the heavy tan of his coat.

'Remember, nobleman Yao, not all of my soldiers would show you the kindnesses I have,' he warned. Yao scoffed softly and raised his head to look Ivan in the eyes.

'Would you have given up the glimpse you saw if you had the option?' Yao asked, eyes hard. Ivan searched his eyes and found no answers in them.

'Your visit is almost over, Yao,' he said softly. 'It might be time for you to go.'

He pulled his sleeve out of Yao's grasp and walked away down the hallway. Behind him, Yao was silent.

'We will see each other again, Ivan,' Yao finally said. It was not a question, and Ivan was not fool enough to answer it as one.

0o0o0o

'Explain to me why Ivan Braginsky is so...Ivan,' Yao demanded, striding aggravatedly across the room. Kiku watched him with a resigned expression.

'It could be because he is Ivan.'

'Shut it, Honda,' Yao snapped. 'I want to know why he is who he is to everybody. Also, I want to know about his scarf.'

Kiku took a deep breath and shuffled his feet-uncharacteristic for the usually still man. 'I was told this by Im Yong Soo, so it may be incorrect, but I believe the story is that the toxins he inhaled on Earth damaged his respiratory system severely enough that it had to be replaced.'

'Replaced?' Yao asked, whirling around.

'With metal and plastic. Entirely.' Kiku glanced down at his device. 'If the Russian fleet does indeed have the technology and medicine to save someone from the toxins created during the war as well as completely replace their lungs and throat, they are indeed invaluable allies.'

'We're basing an alliance with Ivan Braginsky over a rumour on him?' Yao shouted. 'That is stupid!'

'We are not only allied with Ivan Braginsky,' Kiku reminded him with a hint of anger. 'Just because you have become entranced with him does not mean that the entire alliance rests on you two, and you should remember that.'

'Entranced? Kiku!' Yao said, but Kiku had already departed. Helplessly, Yao sat down where his prodigy had been a moment before and ran his hands through his hair, deftly unbraiding and rebraiding it without thought. Maybe he had been too hard with Kiku. The alliance was going smoothly, and Yao would probably benefit from a new ambassador.

However, Ivan was still going to tell him about Earth, and Yao wanted to know so dearly it hurt.

0o0o0o

Ivan sat down next to Natalya, who nodded seriously.

'Did your talk not go well, brother?' she asked. Ivan shook his head.

'It went very well. Yao is a very intriguing ally,' he said, taking the device that was handed over.

 _Does he want technology?_

Ivan barely hesitated before writing his own answer. The choice was obvious. His sister, or the sharp, coppery-eyed fleet leader?

 _No, he seems more interested in me. I will handle Yao._

They made a few polite more minutes of small talk before Natalya excused herself. Ivan rose as well, intending to head to the observatory to clear his mind.

0o0o0o

It didn't work. Yao permeated the space, his lovely manner of talking, his long spill of black hair, his bright red silk shirt, a spot of blood against the snow of the starship. Yao would bring war, whether it be inside Ivan or on a larger scale.

With a soft groan, Ivan relaxed in the middle of the floor and stared upwards at the stars. In the very corner, the last traces of a nebula were fading away. The crimson leached from the darkness until it was just black and white.

Yao was all brightness. Red shirt, golden accents, even his hair had a sheen like oil to it. And his eyes. _Amber_ eyes, and he was _prettyprettypretty_ in the way that a poisonous thing was, all delicate with only one defence to protect it.

0o0o0o

Yao watched the huge crimson cloud soak across his window. He'd always loved nebulas, even after one destroyed the Celestial Knights fleet. They were powerful and sometimes unfathomably large; beautiful, but secretly deadly. It was obvious they were dangerous if you got close, but not many people ever did.

Much like Ivan, in a way, Yao reflected, gently combing through his hair with a brush. The aftermath of a dying star and the slow rebirth of a new one. If the story was true, of course. Yao felt inclined to believe it.

Ivan, with piercing blue-purple eyes, who didn't lie, who threatened with a smile on his face. The alliance did not rest on him.

 **0o0o0o**

 **In the end, probably too short of a time.**

 ** _:: Running quickly in the dark_**


	3. Chapter 3

**I leave things in odd places.**

 **0o0o0o**

The next day, Ivan woke up in the observatory. Everything about him felt sore, and his chest hurt. Carefully sitting up, he pressed a hand to his heart and breathed in slowly, feeling the familiar hum of his machinery even through his coat. The familiar ritual calmed and reassured him. He was alive.

He and Yao were not scheduled to meet again for another few days at least, Ivan reflected, starting towards the door. He wondered how closely the Middle fleet watched over their young leader. Not closely enough, certainly. They would not notice him at Yao's rooms.

0o0o0o

Yao furiously typed out everything he knew about the Russian fleet. He needed their technology to help with the diseases that had been passed down by the First generations, and he needed their ships to solve the overpopulation issues. What did they need from him, he asked himself, what was the root of the reason Ivan Braginsky followed him around and took his arm at dinner?

His manpower, his armies. They needed his people, that which he was so loathe to surrender. And yet, to make them better, he needed the alliance.

With a groan, Yao rubbed at his eyes. Trying to figure out allies was almost harder than figuring out enemies. At least you knew what your enemies wanted-your blood on their hands. Yao had no idea what Ivan wanted to do, but he had a sense of what the imposing man wanted of him. So long as he could give it up.

0o0o0o

'Why are you in our observatory, Yao?'

Yao turned around, sliding his device into his pocket. Ivan stood at the door, staring intently. 'Our observatory?'

'We are allies,' Ivan said softly. 'What is mine is yours.' He crossed towards where Yao sat cross-legged on the floor and sunk to his knees. He silently inclined his head, reaching for Yao's arm. For once, the nobleman did not stop him. Ivan gently pulled Yao's fingers to his lips and brushed them with the softest of kisses. Yao breathed in sharply, his pulse fluttering where Ivan's thumb pressed. Ivan looked up and met his pretty copper eyes. 'What is yours, Yao, is mine.'

The hand clasped in his suddenly yanked away and gripped his wrist. Ivan pulled back, startled, but Yao held firm.

'I instigated this alliance, Braginsky,' he reminded Ivan. His amber eyes were calm and flat. Ivan felt a thrill run through him. 'I wish to use your ships, yes-but you _need_ me. You need my manpower.'

Yao held his breath, silently praying he was right. Of course, what good did careful calculations have on Ivan Braginsky?

'Yes,' Ivan said after a long moment. 'I need your manpower.'

Yao tried and failed to find answers in those piercing violet eyes. He wasn't expecting flat agreement, but to be honest, he never expected Ivan Braginsky to challenge his orderly world, to be his personal reminder of all that rested on the alliance.

'Come with me, Yao. You have seen the polished side of my fleet, now it is time to see the way things are when your amber eyes aren't watching.' Ivan laid his other hand atop of Yao's, still holding his wrist. 'If you want to see it.'

Yao looked up and nodded. 'Show me your world.'

 _One day_ , Ivan thought, and pulled Yao to his feet.

0o0o0o

'We used to own the Satellite fleets,' Ivan mentioned as they walked. 'Do you know the current leaders? I used to know Toris.'

'The quiet boy with brown hair?' Yao asked. Ivan nodded.

'The other one, Eduard, is good at programming. And the little one, Raivis, he is good at building delicate things.' Yao looked at him carefully. Ivan gazed down at the young leader and smiled. 'They helped me several times.'

'I imagine so,' Yao remarked, glancing at his scarf. Ivan tugged gently on the end.

'I promised I would show you the world without the glamour,' he said. The small room around them was full of people, and yet even in the packed bar, people kept a careful distance.

'They will not talk,' Ivan had assured the fleet leader. 'Earth and I as a topic of conversation has long since run its course.'

Yao chewed his lip, swirling his drink.

'You said they are jealous of you?' he asked. Ivan raised his bottle to his lips and drank deeply.

'Yes.'

'How old are you, Ivan?' Yao asked sharply. Ivan raised an eyebrow.

'Is this related, Yao?'

'Did you see Earth and _remember it_ , Ivan Braginsky?' Yao demanded. Ivan held his gaze, his desperate, defeated gaze. He would even take second-hand experience of the place he longed for.

'I am twenty-four,' he said. Yao breathed in a sigh of relief or pain. Three years before the starships.

'So you do remember it.'

'Remember what?' Ivan asked with a smile. Yao narrowed his eyes and barked a short laugh before draining his glass.

0o0o0o

'Have you seen enough, Yao?' Ivan questioned as they walked back to the observatory. Yao hesitated.

'Enough for now.'

'So?' Ivan watched closely as Yao bit back words. 'What did you see?'

'They...detest you, I hope you realize,' Yao commented, giving Ivan a quick look. Ivan chuckled with satisfaction.

'I know. I am not blind or deaf.'

'Are you dead here, though?' Yao asked, and pressed a hand to his chest, above his heart. The heat from his hand cut through Ivan's coat. When the larger man did not answer, Yao almost scoffed. 'It takes more than that to know things, Ivan.'

'What don't I know, Yao?'

'What my own people say about you.'

'Sometimes I wonder what stories people I've met tell about me now. Or what the Americans say.'

'Even now, we are humans,' Yao said, a note of weary awe in his voice. 'Have you heard of the butterfly effect, Ivan?'

'The beating of the wings of a butterfly can cause hurricanes across the world?' Ivan offered. Yao nodded.

'Humans are resonant. We remember sharp blows against us better than any gentleness, and it is those harsher things that shape us.' He stretched back, staring to the ceiling. 'In another universe, maybe the other proverb holds truer-that flowers cannot be opened with hammers.'

'Flowers…' Ivan was suddenly at his side, oddly warm. 'Do you really believe that, Yao? That they yield only to the…' His hands cupped Yao's face, soft and barely ghosting over the skin, '...gentlest touches?'

Mouth suddenly dry, Yao croaked out an affirmation.

Ivan leaned closer, violet eyes alight.

'We will see, my little sunflower,' he said quietly, and released Yao. Standing abruptly, the larger man walked away, leaving Yao sitting alone under a nebula.

0o0o0o

Ivan waited for Toris to pick up.

'Toris Laurinaitis, co-leader of the Union of Two Nations-'

'Toris,' Ivan began, and the man on the other end of the line fell instantly silent. 'Deliver to my rooms one closed sunflower bud in one hour.' Without waiting for a response, he closed the channel. Toris would obey. Just because he had run off with the blond and now commanded their fleet together did not mean he was free of Ivan, Ivan's touch, his influence, his wishes. Some things last longer than declarations of liberty on paper. As Yao had said, humans remember and even old ripples change the larger nebulas of stardust.

0o0o0o

'We need to make a more aggressive move on the Russian technology,' Im Yong Soo demanded. 'We have had reports of several more deaths, as well as a possible new strain of the coughing virus…'

Yao tuned them out. Now was a good time to request a new ambassador. He could get rid of Ivan. He could destroy his only link to Earth. The very thought made Yao shudder. He would only keep Ivan until he knew what Earth was like, and maybe he could get some information on whether or not he had really replaced his respiratory system-

'Yao!' Kiku snapped. Yao jolted back to attention, finding all eyes on him. What were they talking about?

'I agree with Kiku,' he stammered, searching for a friendly face. He automatically turned to his prodigy like usual, but the slight man's brown eyes held no comfort, and Yao recoiled.

'I haven't given my opinion,' Kiku stated flatly. Yao flushed red, scrabbling for hold.

'I-I…' He trailed off as Kiku stood up. All eyes turned to him.

'We need to directly target any breaches in security. Any leaked information could prove fatal if our...allies hear it.' He cast a dismissive look at Yao that made the older man cringe. 'I expect our fleet leader to have concealed what we need from the Russians from his private ambassador, so we can look at other routes for sealing any errors.' He paused for effect. 'I do not need to elaborate on how much of a disadvantage this could put us at, especially since they are militarily superior and any pressure from us to provide technology could result in…'

Yao felt more than saw the stares on him.

'...War.'

Yao stared at his hands and felt the heat of shame. When he looked back up, Kiku watched him coldly. Yao felt a rush of terror.

'Kiku-'

'There is no evidence in the rumour saying you leaked any information,' Kiku said shortly. 'There is no evidence against it, either.' A long moment passed between them, Yao's eyes wide in fear. Kiki's gaze softened fractionally. 'I will not tell. You are my teacher.' The unspoken 'unless' hovered between them as Kiku turned away.

Yao slumped in his chair, head pounding. Kiku had turned the tides of his court, there had been a power shift as obvious as the phases of the stars. With a bitter chuckle, Yao rose along with his advisors, watching the measured steps of his prodigy. Kiku was clever.

0o0o0o

By the time Yao was striding to his rooms, the weary stress of the meeting had curdled into rage. Ivan Braginsky was the reason he wasn't paying attention, Ivan Braginsky was the reason Yao was so hung up on Earth when he thought he might finally be able to accept the loss, Ivan Braginsky was the spy, the charming ambassador sent to pry his secrets out of him. It was Ivan's fault, Yao decided, because it was better than blaming himself.

Yao stopped short in front of his door. There was a spiky sort of plant bud lying there, the stem newly cut. The sight shocked him out of his rage, and he knelt to pick it up.

The leaves, formerly furled tightly, had been peeled apart. The petals were yellow. Yao curled his fist around the sunflower bud, feeling the stiff spines scratch at his palm, and laughed. There didn't need to be a note.

He unclenched his hand and gently shook out the damaged sunflower before placing it in a vase of water.

0o0o0o

Ivan wondered if Yao had found his gift yet, idly sketching the opened bud on the edge of his device as Natalya talked.

'I'm concerned about Yao,' she said, pale hair fluttering behind her as she paced. 'I'm concerned about how you do unprecedented things in the name of being his ambassador.'

Ivan's stylus paused, but his voice was steady. 'I am offering things in order to receive more information. That was the plan, was it not?'

'That was the plan until you deviated from it.' Natalya was turned to regard him carefully. 'Brother, I trust your ways. If arranging unauthorized meetings in the observatory with him and sending him...sunflowers will help us gain the upper hand and their manpower, then I will allow you to do it.'

'Thank you.'

'Our leader says different.'

Ivan looked up, violet eyes childishly wide. 'What did he say?'

'That starting tomorrow, you must be accompanied by another ambassador if you are to contact Yao Wang.'

Ivan was a cool, indifferent mask. Underneath the table, his hand jerked on the last line of the flower. 'Who will our companion be?'

'That is classified information,' his sister recited. When she closed her device, her eyes were tense. 'Brother?'

'Send our leader my regards,' Ivan said as he left.

 **0o0o0o**

 **But after all, I don't always describe things if they have hidden folds.**

 ** _:: Finding the perfect word_**


	4. Chapter 4

**Some are loyal because they know no other way to be.**

 **0o0o0o**

Yao had a hard time sleeping. He lay awake thinking about his prodigy, trained to replace him in case anything went wrong. He thought about Kiku's seizure of power in his court, and how he seemed to be an entirely different person from the young man who wished him fate and luck, hoped things would all end well for him not so long ago.

 _May the stars come together for you_.

He rolled over and stared at the ceiling, and quietly wished Kiku the same before finally falling asleep.

Barely an hour later, there was a knock on Yao's door, jolting him out of sleep.

'Hold on, Kiku!' he shouted, grabbing for something to cover himself with. 'Just because you won over my advisors doesn't mean you can interrupt me any hour you want, honestly.' He shrugged into a simple robe and opened the door, finding himself facing someone much larger than Kiku.

'Hello, Yao,' Ivan greeted. 'What's wrong with your advisors?'

'Nothing,' Yao snapped. 'What do you want? I have at least five hours before I need to wake up, and since you've interrupted them-'

'My fleet leader has decreed that we must be accompanied at any time,' Ivan said. 'I have come to talk to you in private. However, if word somehow is released about how I was here…' His violet eyes gleamed. 'I will hurt you.'

Yao stepped back, pulse racing, fumbling for the short knife in his belt and coming up empty-it was in his other clothes!-and then a heavy book, a paperweight, _anything_ , and Ivan grabbed his arm.

'You do not have to fear me now, Yao,' he said. 'I am here, and so you will not tell. The moment I leave your rooms is the moment you should start keeping secrets.'

Yao met Ivan's gaze and shuddered at what he saw. A deep, dark kind of interest that went beyond the normal attention of the ambassador.

'Come in,' Yao finally said. Ivan closed the door behind him.

The fleet leader let him sit down on his bed before speaking.

'What have you come for?'

'Did you get my gift, Yao?'

Yao distractedly waved a hand towards where the sunflower bud lay in a cup of water. 'Yes.'

Ivan stood and picked it out of the water, cradling it in his hands. Yao watched warily. 'I wonder what it could have come to on it's own if it wasn't forced to bloom so soon,' the larger man said offhandedly, tracing a finger almost tenderly along the yellow petals. 'It was so hard to coax open. So many spines and layers.'

'You could have waited,' Yao ground out.

'I wanted to see it.' Ivan placed the flower back in it's cup of water, gently propping the drooping head against the side. 'Before it dies. It was cut from its roots, after all, and a weak imitation of that will not sustain it for long.' He reached for Yao, but this time, his oddly warm fingers brushed Yao's palm instead of his arm. The fleet leader flinched but forgot to pull away. Ivan stilled, violet eyes laser-focused above a shark's smile. 'Would you like to hear about Earth, Yao?'

Yao met Ivan's eyes and a shiver went up his spine.

'Yes.'

'Then I propose an alliance of our own,' Ivan said. 'An alliance of...interest. Of information. You want Earth, do you not?'

'I do,' Yao breathed.

'If I give you Earth…' Ivan shook his head. 'I want something in return, of course.'

'What do you want?' Yao forced out. Ivan laughed, high and dangerous.

'I've told you, Yao. I want you.'

Yao dazedly wondered how much he would give for a chance at Earth and with a twist of a smile, thought that he'd give his limbs.

'First,' Yao impulsively commanded in a rasp, suddenly painfully aware of how close Ivan Braginsky was, of the odd scent of his scarf and the colour of his eyes, 'tell me if the rumours are true. About your breathing.'

'They are,' Ivan assured.

'Prove it.'

Ivan leaned in, fascinated with the challenge in Yao's amber eyes. The fleet leader nodded once, terrified and impatient all at once.

Ivan smiled as he unwound his scarf, revealing metal and salvaged skin inch by inch. Yao's breath caught in his throat. Ivan felt more than saw slender fingers hovering above the quietly humming mechanism replacing the front of his throat. He impulsively took Yao's hand and pressed it to the warm metal and plastic, the unfamiliar feeling making him shudder.

'Do you see, Yao?' he murmured. The vibrations ran up Yao's arm and resonated in his chest.

'You're-' Yao broke off, searching for the right words. Ivan was terrible and breathtaking and was interested in him, the untested fleet leader, and he really, really did have violet eyes. 'Beautiful,' he finished, because Ivan _was_ beautiful, but like the deadly nebulas were.

Ivan hummed, and Yao spread his hand against the smooth metal, tracing the line where it met his skin in ripples and scars. The job seemed messy, hurried, desperate, done as a last resort to stop him from dying. How much of him had been torn away by Earth?

'Yao…' Ivan's voice was almost hesitant. Yao's fingers drew fish tails and dragon wings on his destroyed skin, brushing the collar of his coat.

'Show me, Ivan.'

Ivan tipped his head back and sucked in a long breath, searching for a handhold in the cloud in his head. Slowly, hands made clumsy with adrenaline and anticipation, he unclasped his coat and suddenly Yao's hands were tugging at his undershirt, pushing it off and running feather-light touches over his skin.

Ivan's chest was a chaotic puzzle of metal and plastic and skin, humming to keep him breathing. How much would it have hurt to rip out his chest and put it back together?

There were so many scars, and surely not all of them came from the machines allowing him to live. Ugly, huge gashes, gaping patches where he hadn't healed right. He was a patchwork of everything it took to survive. This was what Earth had done to him, and yet some part of Yao still wished he'd seen it himself.

'They had to cut the lesser diseases out of me,' Ivan said, words strained. His breathing quickened as Yao outlined a particularly large scar, and under the nobleman's hands, the machines purred faster. 'After I caught the coughing disease, I bargained my life on an untested procedure. And now I can-I can no longer be affected by the virus that nearly killed me. There is nothing inside of me that the disease can take any longer.'

Yao's hands paused, and he looked up. His amber eyes were conflicted and overbright.

'Ivan Braginsky,' he said quietly. 'Are you invincible?'

When Ivan leaned closer, so did he, and his lips parted to accept the kiss.

Ivan smelled of metal and flowers and his hands were soft and warm against Yao's cheekbones for a single second after they broke apart.

Yao stared, drinking in the sight of violet eyes and flesh replaced by metal. He almost felt victorious.

'No,' Ivan said. The bed creaked as he got up, and he caught Yao's eyes one last time before the door swung shut behind him.

0o0o0o

When Yao woke up in the morning, Kiku had left him a message that he was to meet with the Russian fleet to discuss the coughing virus. Yao felt that his rooms were strangely quiet without him.

'You are to have a new ambassador in addition to my brother,' Natalya said as she sat down across from him. 'Did you hear?'

'Only this morning,' Yao said honestly. Natalya studied him for a long moment.

'Who is it?'

Yao frowned. 'What do you mean?'

'Well, they're not from our fleet,' the woman said delicately. Yao's heart sunk just as Kiku walked in, head held high. Natalya looked at Yao with a practiced eye. 'You're saying you didn't choose him? Or you didn't know?'

'I let my advisors elect,' Yao lied, and turned back to the meeting as Kiku sat down on his right.

'I will be accompanying you,' the slight man said unnecessarily. Yao nodded, still searching for a spark of recognition in Kiku's brown eyes. They weren't friendly by any means, but held to him out of what Yao knew to be fleet loyalty. It was enough.

'Yao.'

The fleet leader stiffened at the voice behind him, but it wasn't until he turned and met Braginsky's eyes did the memories crash in, sudden and suffocating.

'Ivan,' Yao said, praying his voice didn't shake. Ivan smiled at him before directing his attention to Kiku.

'You must be Kiku,' he said. The slighter man did not shrink back or respond. Yao elbowed him.

'Hey! Say hello.'

'Kiku Honda,' Kiku said stiffly, bowing slightly without breaking eye contact. Yao sighed and leaned back in his chair. At least the boy was polite and wouldn't cause a scene in public. All the worse for when they were alone, of course.

'I call us to attention here to discuss the coughing virus affecting both our fleets!' a kind-looking woman called, waving for quiet. 'The alliance of the Middle and Russian fleets will hopefully be able to combine with the efforts of the United States and EU to eradicate the disease.'

Yao rose on cue. 'I am Yao Wang, the leader of the Middle fleet. My people are affected greatly by the coughing virus. My advisors have recently caught wind that the virus may have mutated into a new strain.'

'This obviously causes problems,' Kiku interjected. 'Since the only known prevention of the virus is prior exposure, we come to the dilemma of whether or not to allowing the public to be exposed to this new strain without knowing if it is deadly yet.'

'You mean you do not know?' Ivan asked. Kiku gave him a cold glare, but the taller man seemed unaffected.

'Of course not. We would not test it on people without being able to assure them they would survive.'

'Remind yourself of that when the new virus spreads and destroys your people anyways,' Ivan said, smile fixed. Yao blurted the first thing he could think of to remedy the situation.

'Kiku, it is most likely lethal,' he said, before addressing the conference. 'We should make moves to contain anybody showing early signs.'

'And do what with them?' Kiku hissed, suddenly close behind him. 'Let them die?'

Yao turned in shock. Kiku was never this rash. The younger man's eyes were cold, and Yao realized too late he'd taken Ivan's side in the argument. Hands shaking, he slid into his seat, suddenly terrified of what his prodigy would do in his anger.

'Kiku,' he whispered. 'Kiku Honda.'

'I apologize, I don't want to talk,' Kiku said, voice eerily flat.

'I know, I just-'

'I don't want to talk to you,' Kiku spat, uncharacteristically venomous. 'Go back to your ambassador.' Stunned, Yao sat back. A hand touched his arm and he shivered.

'Yao?' Ivan smiled slightly and directed him back to the meeting, where the kind-faced woman from earlier was continuing.

'Luckily, the new strain doesn't seem to have any additional symptoms, just being stronger and more resistant than before. And of course, being equally incurable…' She trailed off, eyes guiltily flicking to where Ivan sat with his humming machinery and his immunity and his barely-concealed satisfaction.

'Incurable, yes,' Ivan echoed, and slowly, the tension diffused and the discussion began again. Ivan smiled while they talked about what had nearly killed him.

0o0o0o

When the meeting was over, Kiku gave Yao a last disdainful look before disappearing. Yao ran after him.

'Kiku!' he shouted, grabbing onto the man's sleeve. 'Kiku, please.'

Kiku stopped. 'Yes?' he said, the shade of hurt in his voice betraying his false indifference. Yao realized with a start what his actions must have looked like and felt a rush of shame.

'I'm sorry,' he pleaded. Kiku stilled and turned to him, wary but willing to listen. Yao took it as a sign and continued. 'I know what I've done and I know I shouldn't have. I'm trying to do what's best for the alliance-'

'The alliance?' Kiku asked. For a second, all his emotions were displayed for Yao to see, hurt and hopeful and longing all at once. Yao wanted to reach out to the younger man, return to their easy friendship before he had even heard of the Russian fleet. Kiku gave the smallest of smiles. 'Promise me the alliance is between the Middle and Russian fleets and not you and Ivan Braginsky,' he whispered, voice raw and tender with rare emotion. Yao opened his mouth to agree, the words that would heal the rift between them buzzing on his tongue before he remembered.

The memory of Ivan's lips against his came back unbidden, and Yao froze. The warmth vanished from Kiku's eyes.

'You…' The understanding and the betrayal in Kiku's voice cut Yao to the bone. The brown-eyed man shook his head in denial, desperation replacing tenderness. 'Tell me you haven't. Tell me you do not... _love him_ , Yao.'

'I do,' Yao said. Kiku stepped back, tearing his sleeve from Yao's grasp.

'You love him,' Kiku repeated. Yao stared into his fearful eyes and felt the deep weight of regret in his stomach.

'I love him.'

They held the gaze for a single second more, but it was more than enough time for Yao to see the betrayal in Kiku's eyes before the younger man turned and rushed away.

'Kiku!' Yao started to run after him, but Kiku did not look back. 'Kiku, I'm sorry!' His foot caught on something and his hands collided hard with the ground. He stared helplessly after the retreating figure disappearing into the distance and felt a lump in his throat.

A hand closed around his arm, and Yao looked up numbly into a pair of violet eyes. The ambassador pulled him to his feet and cupped his face, looking amused. Yao snarled with all the pent-up anger and fear and defeat and fisted a hand in Ivan Braginsky's ashy hair to pull him down and kiss him hard.

Ivan's mouth was soft and burning and pinker when Yao pulled away, panting.

'This alliance is on my terms, Braginsky,' he threatened, and kissed him again.

 **0o0o0o**

 **Some are loyal because of want or debt. Those bonds are weaker, for hearts change but rhythm rarely does.**

 ** _:: Running so hard your breathing scrapes your throat_**


	5. Chapter 5

**More tension than anything, really.**

 **0o0o0o**

'God, may the stars come together for us,' Yao muttered. Above him, the ceiling curved and the space outside stretched indefinitely.

Yao was doing his daily work in the observatory, but for the first time, it wasn't as awe-inspiring as usual. His mind kept wandering to scarred necks and scarves. To Kiku, the infuriating, stubborn boy, and back to Ivan again. They would need a lot more than luck to make this alliance work, to make their alliance work. They'd be lucky if Kiku didn't tell anyone, if they were never discovered-if Ivan didn't tell, as if it was even a secret anymore.

'Yao?' a girl called, rousing him from his thoughts.

'Oh, Mei! I didn't see you there,' he said, trying to inject some life into his voice while stifling a yawn. Mei smiled, but her expression was troubled, and Yao frowned.

'What's wrong?'

'Kiku isn't your other ambassador anymore,' she said, worrying with the edge of her shirt. 'I think Trần Chung Liên is?'

Yao groaned. At Mei's look, he shook his head. 'No offense to her. Kiku is just being…' He waved his hand in frustration, and scratched out another figure with a little too much vigour. 'Kiku.'

'He is good at that,' Mei joked, trying to lighten the mood. Yao forced a laugh. It came out strained.

'When's the next meeting?' he interrupted, changing the subject.

Mei checked her device, frowning. 'Tomorrow?'

'Tomorrow? Does nobody warn me about things anymore? Seriously.' Yao tried to smooth down the edges where his pencil had torn the page, but his trembling hands only succeeded in wrinkling it. Mei waited by the door, and Yao distractedly motioned her off.

What should he do, Yao asked himself, crumpling up the paper and throwing it to the floor in defeat. Apologize to Kiku? Would it even do anything? It couldn't hurt to try. And about Ivan…

He shook the thought out of his head. He could worry about Ivan tomorrow. Right now, he had to talk to Kiku.

0o0o0o

Kiku was writing another letter when Yao knocked on the door. For a second, he entertained the possibility of turning him away, but rejected it. Yao was his teacher, and he deserved politeness for that if nothing else.

'I'm sorry, Kiku,' Yao said as soon as the door was open. He looked sleepless and worn, and Kiku felt suddenly ashamed of his words yesterday.

'Come in,' he invited after an awkward pause. Yao sank into a chair.

'About yesterday,' he began, twisting the edge of his sleeve. 'I did tell the truth, you know.'

'I know,' Kiku said, a small weight settling in his stomach. Yao glanced up at him.

'And you're okay with that? Really?'

'I am just worried about the alliance,' Kiku confessed, sitting down across from the older man. 'Will your-will Ivan Braginsky affect the alliance?'

'He's an ambassador, he always has,' Yao said with a quick grin. His face faded back into its weary expression. 'He shouldn't.'

'And if he does?' Kiku prompted. Yao looked away and gritted his teeth.

'I will not let him.'

Kiku wanted to ask how, or in which sense of the words Yao meant, but bit his tongue. 'Good' was all he said. Yao nodded, still picking at his sleeve. He wouldn't meet Kiku's eyes.

'Why do you…' Kiku motioned helplessly. Yao finally looked at him and smiled slightly.

'Have you heard the rumours about his scarf?' the elder man asked. 'How he wears it to cover up the mess of metal that is his neck?'

'I have heard something of the sort,' Kiku said cautiously.

'They're true,' Yao said in a rush. 'He had the coughing virus, but he was cured. The scarf is to cover up the evidence.' His eyes were fever-bright, and his voice was desperate. 'He was born on Earth, Kiku.'

The younger man turned away, the knot of helplessness in his stomach tightening. Yao sat back in defeat.

'So you want Earth from him,' Kiku reaffirmed.

'Yes.'

'Only Earth?'

Yao looked away. 'Yes.'

It was pointless to press him, Kiku knew. Maybe Yao's love of Earth was enough to warrant love for the man who could give that.

'May the stars come together for you,' he said after not knowing what to do. His mentor nodded. 'I...I'll go get some food…' Kiku offered. Yao didn't respond, but he got up regardless.

When he came back, Yao was gone. Kiku sat down in the spot across from his, mind awash with worry for a long time.

0o0o0o

Yao craned his head to look up at the guard.

'I'm here to talk to Ivan Braginsky,' he said. The guard looked distrustful.

'Permit?'

'I'm the Middle fleet leader. I don't need a permit if the alliance is what I thought,' Yao said, praying he could bluff the guard into letting him through. 'I would assume I am allowed to visit my ambassador.'

The guard glanced at his partner, who shook her head. He pressed his lips together. 'You can go through.'

Before he had finished his sentence, Yao was striding past him, trying to figure out which was Ivan's rooms from the identical walls.

'Are you looking for something?' a voice asked. Yao turned and smiled.

'There you are. You're going to tell me about Earth.'

0o0o0o

Ivan's rooms were simple and impersonal, with none of the paperwork Yao's had. Everything in the room was exact, as if nobody lived there. Yao sat down on the pristine bed and gently ran his hands over the crisp folds.

'You want me to tell you about Earth?' Ivan asked again.

'That was the terms of our alliance,' Yao said. Ivan nodded.

'I remember Earth like a dream,' Ivan began. 'I was very young. My first memories were of red.'

Ivan's words drew Yao into a world of scorched earth and smoke. The air, Ivan explained, seemed more bioweapon than oxygen sometimes, in how even the strongest gasped for breath after the shortest climb. It was a place of hell.

All children know the story of the wars. They know how the rules were broken and the diseases unleashed. They know the names of the scientists who crafted the coughing virus that destroyed their people so utterly there was no alternative other than space.

He speaks of the weapons of war with a sense of grim pride, that he survived the most deadly of them.

'But there was a world before the wars,' Ivan said, 'and that is what people most often forget. I read about that world.'

'Tell me,' Yao begged.

Ivan spoke in a hushed tone about the world before the wars, all pride gone. The way he described the water and the trees made Yao's chest ache even more, but filled his heart to breaking.

When Ivan finished, Yao's blood sang with stories of a world he'd never known, and the weight of the words completed him.

'Thank you, Ivan,' he said, head spinning.

'Of course, I want my information,' Ivan mentioned casually. Yao almost nodded, still caught up in the images, but caught himself.

'Later.'

'Later?' Ivan asked, violet eyes narrowing. Yao stared straight at him.

'Yes, Ivan.'

For a long second, it seemed Ivan would not let him leave without his answers, but something changed in his eyes, and he stood down. Yao held his gaze as he left, and laughed when he was far down the hallway.

0o0o0o

'What do you mean you offered him the only information he wanted and got nothing in return?' his leader growled. 'I gave you explicit instructions.'

'I have my ways. Do not question them,' Ivan said coldly. His leader glared at him.

'You're on your last chance, Braginsky.'

When Ivan left the room, his mind was caught up in planning. When he turned the corner, he was just a half-second too slow to avoid the first blow to his stomach.

0o0o0o

The meeting was long and tedious. Yao seemed distracted again, but at least Ivan was not there. Kiku subtly tried to keep an eye on the doorways to see if he'd come in. His absence was more concerning than his presence.

He didn't appear the whole way through. Kiku was still watching the doorways when Yao started talking to him about Earth.

'Before the wars, there were great stretches of water you could drink without purifying, and things called redwood trees…'

'I'm sorry to interrupt, but where was Ivan?' Kiku asked. Yao paused and frowned.

'I...I don't know.'

0o0o0o

The sparks flew from his chest. He felt like collapsing, but did not sway. He was strong. Strong enough to have himself burned to shreds. Strong enough to have his damaged flesh replaced with metal and plastic. Strong enough to be ripped apart in order to survive.

'Yao.'

'Ivan, there you ar-' The smaller man stopped, unable to hide the look of horror when he saw Ivan's cut-up chest. 'Ivan, what did they do to you?'

'Why do you assume someone did this?' Ivan asked, taking one of Yao's delicate hands in his own.

Yao removed his hands from Ivan's hold and ushered him towards his rooms, determinedly pulling boxes and bottles out of his pockets with a practiced air. 'You are too strong to have been hurt by any but another human' was all he said. Ivan simply hummed in response.

'Toris was the one who rebuilt me if this happened before.'

'No matter-how do I fix you?' Yao asked, mentioning him onto the bed, disinfectant and needle poised.

'My chest is fixed by starting with the red wires,' the pale-haired man instructed. 'Think of me like a machine, yes?'

'You aren't a machine,' Yao said quietly. His hands were cool when he pressed a hand against Ivan's forehead to make him lie down. 'Here. Take these.'

'What are they?'

'Painkillers.'

With a bemused chuckle, Ivan swallowed the painkillers and closed his eyes. Yao's hands gently prodded at the bruised and bloodied flesh. He had a doctor's touch and a warrior's mind, razor-sharp and focused on only what he needed to do. Later, there would be questions. But for now, Ivan let himself float on the painkillers and the cool touch of the nobleman's hands.

'Red wires,' Yao repeated, pulling at the exposed ones with damaged coverings or bent fibres. 'Which one first, Ivan?'

Ivan opened his eyes and pointed to one by his solar plexus. Yao nodded and reached in, barely pulling back. 'Will...will it kill you?'

Ivan shook his head despite not knowing. He'd gambled his life before and won.

The torn coverings were easy enough to replace. The damaged wires almost caused Yao's mask of concentration to break, but as none of them were torn, they simply caused pain instead of anything more serious.

Ivan gritted his teeth as another spike of pain flared through him, and reminded himself that Yao did not know his system like Eduard, who'd programmed it, or Ravis, who'd built it, or Toris. His touch was so much gentler, so much more careful of hurting him.

'I'm almost done,' Yao soothed. 'It'll be over soon.' Ivan reached out blindly and found his hand. Yao smoothed a thumb over his knuckles as he fit the last pieces back into place and stepped back to survey his handiwork.

'Am I fixed?' Ivan asked, opening his eyes. Yao nodded, and his mask disappeared, replaced by fear.

'Who was it?' he demanded, voice shaking.

'People who hate me,' Ivan said, sitting up. 'It has happened before, don't worry.'

'Politically hate you or…' Yao gestured to his chest.

'They look at me and see all the people they loved, coughing out their lungs while I stand unaffected,' Ivan said with a smile. 'They look at me and decide I need to pay for daring to survive.'

 **0o0o0o**

 **Good for crescendos.**

 ** _:: Waking up without knowing why too early_**


	6. Chapter 6

**I find myself losing the pretty, useless things I try to hold onto most.**

 **0o0o0o**

Yao had another sleepless night. The images of Ivan's cut-up chest resounded in his head, and his mind supplied scenarios where he had gotten to him too late and Ivan had silently stopped breathing halfway through, or where he did something wrong and Ivan gasped out his last breath in front of him. It was a hell he never wanted to experience again. Not to mention he still had to fulfill his end of the deal. Yao pulled his pillow over his head and fell asleep.

It barely seemed like minutes before he woke to Kiku opening the door.

'Yao.'

The fleet leader sat up, rubbing at his eyes with one hand. 'Is it morning already?'

'It's time to get up.' The younger man squinted at him, his face slackening into frustration. 'Did you sleep at all?'

'Yes,' Yao said, reaching for his robe. 'For how long, I can't say.'

'You need your sleep,' Kiku said, voice unexpectedly soft. 'You are our leader.'

'I'll be fine, Kiku, seriously.' Yao brushed him off. 'What's happening today?'

'A meeting between our scientists and the Russians to discuss cures for the coughing virus. The new strain has proven dangerous. You don't need to be there, but it would be good form.' Kiku stopped, waiting expectantly, and Yao groaned.

'I'll be there.' Yao cast a glance at the pile of paperwork on his desk. Maybe he could bring some of it and say he was taking notes.

'Also, Yao?'

The elder waved distractedly at the door, sorting through the slightly haphazard piles for high-priority documents.

'Is Ivan returning?'

Yao paused, the previous night flashing through his head again. 'Yes.'

0o0o0o

Yao was startled out of his paperwork by a gentle touch to his arm.

'Yao.'

'You look better,' Yao said, glancing at Ivan's chest. The larger man patted his coat.

'Yes. Thank you.' He looked back at the scientists before fixing Yao with his violet gaze again. 'Come with me. You have a promise to fulfill.'

A weight settled in Yao's stomach, but he nodded brusquely and, tucking the papers into his pockets, followed Ivan out of the laboratory.

Ivan led him back to his rooms. For the first time, Yao noticed the small painting tucked against the wall. Ivan followed his gaze to the painted sunflower. The frame was wood, simple and worn.

'Did you see them?' Yao asked. 'On Earth?' Ivan gazed at the painting for a moment longer.

'No. Just the imitations aboard the starships. The real ones died out years before I was born. I saw a picture of one. My mother saved a book full of painted flowers from the fires and brought it home to me.' His voice was unexpectedly soft and pained. Yao was struck by the raw emotion in Braginsky's tone, but felt he shouldn't pry further.

'What do you want to know?' he asked. Ivan chuckled and sat down in a chair.

'I thought you negotiated the terms of our alliance.'

'I do.' Yao twisted around to look Ivan in the eye, the weight in his stomach coiled tight, ready to snap. 'I'd guess this isn't for you. What information were you instructed to pry out of me?'

Ivan held his gaze and bewilderingly, looked away first. He seemed weighed down by the same pain as Yao.

'What if it is for me?'

'It isn't, though. Is it?'

Yao tasted blood and realized numbly that he'd bitten the inside of his mouth.

'Money and your trade influence with the other fleets,' Ivan said softly. 'My leader commanded it,' he added, as if that made it better. Yao felt a spike of pain in his temples.

'None of that ever required-' Yao gestured furiously at himself. 'Kissing me. Promising me Earth.'

'As you said, you control the alliance,' Ivan said. His voice was almost desperate in it's flatness. Yao gazed at him, furious and spurned and hopeless.

'We have the strongest trade routes with the EU fleet,' he spat. Ivan's head jerked up, and he stared at Yao in open disbelief. Yao waved a hand to quiet him and continued, the words giving him some form of bitter release. 'The Americans are extremely lucrative partners, but if the rumours hold true-' he sent a venomous look at Ivan's chest, '-your leader would be hesitant to deal with them. The Axis sub-fleet is a hub of the EU, they are powerhouses for technology an-'

'Yao, stop.' Ivan rose, looking weary. 'I don't want to hear about it.'

'Your earlier words contradict you,' Yao said sarcastically. Ivan compressed his lips and shook his head.

'If I wanted information, I wouldn't have come to you. I would have pried it out of your little prodigy, or the Mei girl.'

'Don't touch them,' Yao snarled, but Ivan cut him off.

'I'll ask again. Yao, will you tell me about yourself?'

Yao had seen frightening depths to Ivan Braginsky's violet eyes, from amusement to interest to pain, and they had enchanted him since day one.

'A while ago, I took the astronomer's position in my fleet,' he started hesitantly. Ivan sat down next to him, curled up on his bed like a great cat, and impulsively, Yao ran his fingers through his ashy hair as he spoke. Ivan made no move to stop him, and so he continued.

Yao let himself get lost in the storytelling. It was a relief he couldn't have previously imagined to talk freely or at length about small things he had liked. Like cooking, or proverbs.

'My fleet has a saying. I don't know where it came from, but it's 'May the stars come together for you'. It means…' He paused, more and more of him reveling in the rapt attention Ivan now awarded him, and continued. 'It means to have luck and fate bring you to where you need to be, even if it's not necessarily what you want at the moment, because it will work out in the end. Like nebulae. Fate willing, they all become stars.'

'Nebulae,' Ivan echoed.

'I love them,' Yao confessed. 'Deadly as they are.'

'Do you consider me something like your beloved nebulae, Yao?' Ivan asked lazily.

Yao curled his fingers gently in the slightly tangled locks near the nape of Ivan's neck. Ivan opened his eyes, and Yao bent down to kiss him, just a brush of skin of skin.

'I think so.'

Ivan blinked once, twice, and his hands clamped around Yao's shoulders to pull him down on top of him. Yao stretched his arms around the larger man's neck, breathing in the smell of his scarf and feeling the hard edges of metal underneath the fabric. Ivan kissed him gently at first, then harder, and Yao's fingers knotted in any hold possible; Ivan's hair, his coat, the back of his neck. Surely his coat wasn't always this soft, surely his voice wasn't always this reassuring growl, surely he wasn't like this from far away. Yao was lost in him.

'I'm interested in you,' Ivan repeated, hands sure to leave bruises on Yao's ribs, under the silk. 'I don't care about the alliance.'

'You...should,' Yao gasped. Beneath him, Ivan shook his head.

'Not when it comes to you.'

So lost in each other, they didn't notice when the door creaked open, the person outside expecting the intimidating ambassador to be working at his desk, not frantically holding the Middle fleet leader.

Yao froze. Ivan tilted his head to look and his mouth twitched towards a smile.

'Hello, sister.'

'Hello,' Natalya said gruffly. Yao carefully untangled himself from Ivan, who sat up on the bed as if nothing had been happening, smile fixed in place.

'What have you come to find me for?'

'You will accompany Yao-' she cast a glance at the slighter man, '-to the laboratory you left. They have new information.'

'Of course. Now, please leave us,' Ivan directed. Natalya closed the door behind her and Yao slumped against the headboard. Ivan chuckled.

'Will she tell?'

'Not if I ask.' Ivan rose from the bed, arranging his coat around himself, and offered Yao a hand up. With a sigh, Yao accepted it. Ivan pulled him closer and kissed him one last time before walking away.

0o0o0o

As soon as Yao stepped in, he knew something was wrong. The room was silent, with a buzz of tension about to break just below the surface. The scientists looked up when they entered, looking sorrowful, and people turned away as they walked past. Suddenly, Kiku rushed up.

'Yao, Yao, there you are! Where did you go?' Kiku sounded frantic. Kiku looked terrified, eyes wide. Especially in front of so many people, seeing that shook Yao to his core.

'I-I…' he stammered. 'Paperwork.' Kiku didn't challenge him. Instead, he just stood there, looking like a child, every line in his body slack with relief. 'Nobody could find you. We thought you'd gotten infected and taken away, too.'

A slow and horrible weight slid into Yao's stomach, adding to the other one. 'Too?'

Kiku opened his mouth, closed it, and refused to meet Yao's eye. 'Yes.' Yao felt dizzy, like the world was sliding out from under him, like he was standing in one spot in space and the fleet was moving away under him.

'Who else is infected, Kiku?'

Kiku closed his eyes. For the second before he spoke, the world stretched forever. 'Leon.'

0o0o0o

They'd only received the news a few minutes ago, Kiku had said, and nobody could find him or his ambassador. They thought he'd been taken away, too. There was a note of terror in Kiku's voice when he'd said that, and Yao resisted the urge to hug him like he was a child again, despite how much they both wanted it.

Yao ran through the sprawling hallways of the main starship, gasping for breath. He'd asked everyone how Leon had caught it, but nobody seemed to know. He was fine yesterday, and today, he was coughing his lungs out. The new strain didn't seem to have any extra side effects, the scientists said, but it worked faster. Three days. Maybe four with the right medicine. Of course, there was no cure…

Yao couldn't stop thinking about Ivan's machinery. It was unfair, it was hopeless, it was pointless to think Leon would be offered the same chance. He might die from it anyways.

And yet all his thoughts were swept out of his mind when he jammed the key in the lock, flung open the door and saw that dark, sleek hair, unmistakable against the white hospital sheets.

Ivan pulled him back out of the hospital and slammed him against the wall. Yao roared and struggled, but Ivan was stronger and didn't loosen his grip until Yao relented.

'You could catch the disease, too.'

'I don't care,' Yao hissed passionately. 'Leon is-is practically my brother. I raised him.'

Ivan's jaw tensed. He looked more aggravated than Yao had ever seen him, and yet Yao refused to back down.

'If I can't see him directly, find me a way to talk to him. To see him,' Yao added. Braginsky's eyes narrowed, and he abruptly yanked Yao towards the command room.

'Nobleman Yao needs to see the patient with the coughing virus in the medical bay,' Ivan announced, voice back to normal. The workers jumped, eying him nervously, and scrambled to type in the commands. A few minutes later, someone hurried to bring Yao a screen, and Yao took it, grateful for Ivan's intimidation. It popped to life, Leon's face clear against the pillows. The image was jostled, and Leon jerked his head at whoever was holding the other screen.

'Careful, now, Emil, neither you nor I have the money to replace that thing,' Leon joked, before focusing on Yao's face. 'So you heard. What's this call about?'

Yao drank in the image of his face, noticing the cast of his skin and the painful way he swallowed. 'I just wanted to check in. Are they good to you? Are you in pain? When did you find out?'

Leon grinned. 'Yes, no, last night. They put me on heavy painkillers and are trying antibiotics.' He glanced up to the person holding the screen. 'Emil, hand that off to Tino and come sit beside me.' The view jerked again, and a young man with oddly silver hair and a standard breathing mask sat down hesitantly beside the brown-haired boy. 'This is Emil Steilsson,' Leon introduced cheerfully. 'He's good to me.'

'Leon is...a good patient,' Emil said awkwardly. His voice was tinny through the breathing mask. From behind the camera, Tino chuckled. Leon wrapped an arm around Emil's shoulders and winked at the camera. The feed shut off.

'He seems well enough,' Yao said, putting down the screen with shaking hands. Leon looked happy. He looked in possession of himself. He looked just as bright and lively and usual. Yao could almost forget that Leon was sick. 'Thank you,' he added, nodding towards the command room workers, and walked out the door before he could start crying.

He walked down the hallway, blinking away the tears, repeating that if he could just get to his rooms, he could think.

'Yao!' Ivan shouted. Yao stopped short, confused, and felt the familiar weight of Ivan's hand on his arm. Ivan looked down at him, the violet of his eyes blue at this range. Yao blinked, his head fuzzy, and weakly tried to pull away.

'Unless you can save him, Ivan, it can wait,' he said tiredly, and pulled away and started walking again. Ivan did not follow this time.

0o0o0o

 _To Mr. Ivan Braginsky_

 _I have written to you in order to discuss certain rumours. Particularly, if the rumours about your fleet being able to heal the virus are true._

 _If so, name your price. Do not tell Yao._

 _Sincerely, Kiku Honda_

 **0o0o0o**

 **Always the innocent.**

 ** _:: The silence of the type of longing that follows a gentle touch that draws away too fast_**


	7. Chapter 7

**I particularly love seeing how other narratives intertwine to make a story speak.**

 **0o0o0o**

'God, Emil.' Leon buried his face in the taller boy's shoulder and carefully let go of his hand, which he had been clenching behind their backs as a handhold from the pain. 'It's off, isn't it?' he asked as an afterthought, motioning to the screen.

'Yes.' Emil eased his throbbing hand out from Leon's grip. 'You did very well.'

'I don't care about that, just get me some water,' Leon begged. Tino handed him a glass. Leon set it on the bedside table when he was done. 'That was terrifying. I didn't show anything, did I?'

'No.' Emil cautiously ran a hand over Leon's hair. When Leon didn't stop him, he did it again, settling into a pattern. 'You were very brave.'

'I'm dying, is what I am,' Leon said. His cocky smile wavered and he collapsed, Emil holding him tightly as he cried.

0o0o0o

Ivan carefully closed the letter and placed it back on his desk. Do not tell Yao. Their alliance held nothing in the terms of keeping secrets. Yao would never know.

'Natalya, please put Kiku Honda of the Middle fleet on the lin-'

'We are going to talk about how I found you,' she said calmly. Ivan fell silent. It would be better if she had yelled, if she had spat the words with hate in her voice.

'Agreed. Meet me in my rooms.'

He closed his device with shaking hands, suddenly, irrationally terrified she would threaten Yao. She almost certainly would. She would be delighted. He was invincible, had been invincible, untouchable until Yao arrived and announced his presence with amber eyes and red silks and broke Ivan's heart wide open.

He clutched his scarf to his face, trying helplessly to ground himself in the rising panic. He could hear his machinery whirring faster and faster as he gasped for breath. Yao was in danger. Yao was going to be threatened and hurt and it was all his fault, _all his fault._

The knock startled him, and he rearranged himself with careful movements before opening the door.

'Welcome.'

Natalya stood there, not entering. 'You said you'd handle him.'

'Am I not?'

'No, Ivan. You're not.' Natalya smiled coldly. 'You fell in love with him.' Ivan was stunned silent for a single, horrible second, and Natalya's smile widened into a shark's grin. 'I was right.'

'No,' Ivan said weakly. Natalya shook her head with a laugh that tossed her silvery hair back. It swung out from her head in slow motion. Ivan was frozen.

'Give up, Ivan. Your card is drawn.' She turned and walked out, closing the door behind her. In Ivan's hand, his device lit up with Kiku Honda's number. With a bitter laugh, he raised the device to his ear.

 _Will she tell?_

 _Not if I ask_.

0o0o0o

Kiku accepted the call and excused himself from the meal.

'Ah, Mr. Braginsky. I see you have gotten my letter. I apologize for not sending it to your device, but I feared interception.'

'If I save him, he will be a ruin forever. The operation seems to take more than your lungs. It strips you of a bit of your humanity.'

Kiku felt as if his words had abandoned him, struggling for something to say. 'Can you?' Braginsky did not answer for a worryingly long time. Kiku was about to end the call when he spoke again.

'We will see.'

'If there's anything we can try,' Kiku whispered. 'We must.'

'I will try to contact the Baltic fleets. It's an alliance, Honda.'

Kiku barely hesitated. 'Of course.'

The call blinked off, and Kiku returned to his meal with nervous energy sparking through his fingers. They would deal with Yao later. Today, it was one step at a time, and this step, they were saving Leon.

0o0o0o

Yao woke up with his face pressed to paper and groggily focused on the legal jargon before hauling himself up. Asleep again. Ever since he'd heard about Leon, he'd been drained. With a groan-he'd regret this later-he laid his head back onto the desk and was about to close his eyes when the sunflower bud caught his eye.

He was on his feet and across the room before he could think, stroking over the dusty petals in his hands. The yellow was dim and flaked away under his touch. He'd forgotten about this in the chaos. It had never bloomed, ruined before he ever laid a hand on it. With an almost helplessness, Yao replaced it in the cup, but it didn't look right there anymore, and he picked it back up and strode out of his rooms without knowing what he wanted to do.

He ended up in the Russian observatory. How he'd gotten there was a blur, but he didn't bother with it right now.

'Yao.'

For once, Yao wasn't surprised. He just nodded-somehow, it was right for Braginsky to be here right now-and beckoned him to come closer.

'Come help me.'

Ivan knelt by his side and silently helped him slide the airlock door open. When it was, Yao meticulously put on the suit, stepped into the chamber, and waved, the delicate flower cradled in his hands, the most precious treasure. Ivan had the strangest expression on his face when he opened the outer doors and watched Yao float into space. Acceptance, Yao decided to call it, and released the sunflower. It floated. Yao floated with it, watching how it spun away. The whole world spun around them. The stars wheeled above.

When Yao returned to the observatory, Ivan looked almost sad. Yao leaned into him and breathed in the scent of sunflowers and metal, and they watched the ruined flower spin above them.

'Space has a way of preserving those things it takes,' Yao said. Ivan nodded, and they stood together.

And it was then, with the tail of the sunflower's brightness just spinning out of sight, Ivan ran a hand through Yao's ponytail and told him about the morning.

'My sister proved difficult.'

Yao didn't look at him. 'So she might tell?'

'Almost definitely.'

Yao laughed a bit bitterly. 'Sooner or later. Kiku knows,' he added. 'He won't tell. Tell me, Ivan, is your sister using me as collateral against you?'

Ivan tilted his head, impressed and reluctant that it was true. 'Yes. I was invulnerable otherwise.'

'I'm only your weakness if you consider me so, Ivan,' Yao said, eyes still fixed on the glass. 'Do you think I'm your weakness?'

'Yes.'

Yao scoffed, and finally met his eyes. 'Unfortunate.'

'How did you know?' Ivan asked. Yao turned back to the glass.

'You haven't broken our alliance, even though it's done,' he said simply.

0o0o0o

'Ivan Braginsky is what?' her leader purred, eyes gleaming brightly. Natalya inclined her head.

'In love with Yao Wang, leader of the Middle fleet.'

'Mmm.' Her leader nodded, smile widening. 'Natalya, how would you like to be my main commander?'

After Natalya had left, the man picked up a pen and began to compose a letter. Ivan Braginsky, in love with the nobleman. How far would he go for the slight man dressed in red silks?

0o0o0o

The implication of all that Ivan could bring upon both of them hung heavy in the air. Theirs was a world of shifting allies and pacts, and sometimes the only solid things were alliances of need between a nobleman dressed in red silks and an ambassador breathing with machinery.

'I'm sorry, Yao,' Ivan whispered. Yao pressed against him, hands already familiar with where the metal met his skin and his bones turned to plastic and the places where he wasn't quite machine or human.

'If she knows, if we are in danger…' Yao shrugged, a fire alight in his amber eyes. 'I will tell you about myself, Ivan. Come.'

The air was charged with satisfaction, with anticipation, with energy that jumped between them as they collapsed onto Ivan's bed. The sheets smelled like winter, Yao noticed, like snow with a hint of metal. They were close everywhere, tangled together, waiting for the first match to be struck.

'I should have known it would come to this,' Yao whispered breathlessly. 'Ivan, I give myself to you.'

Yao told of his life and his dreams, of how he loved space and he loved stars, of what he wondered. He gave himself up utterly in a hope for release. And in return, Ivan let him know a different sort of peace.

'Did you know, Ivan, back when there were nations instead of fleets, the Middle kingdom of old had a tradition. Leaders in peace, leaders who remembered…' He ran a hand through his now-undone ponytail. 'They left their hair long. And so do I. In order to remember that which I have never really seen.'

'My nation does not forget,' Ivan murmured, pressing a kiss to his throat. 'I will remember every place dragon tails cross your skin in the image of the ravines of Earth. I will be your eyes and your ears and your hands. Live through me, Yao- _I give myself to you_.'

Yao stared into his violet blue eyes and tipped his head back and laughed and laughed and laughed, and Ivan held him close and gave him that peace.

0o0o0o

Toris messily jammed the letter back into its envelope and threw it across the table. He couldn't breathe, Ivan wanted another one of the machines, the one that he had to be ripped apart for.

He said it was to save a life, and Toris found the irony hysterical.

The door clanged open, and Toris flinched before realizing it was Feliks and not Ivan. The blond's arms closed around him.

'It's okay, it's okay,' he promised, holding Toris tight. 'You don't have to.'

'Who will I let die if I don't?' Toris whispered, the horrible weight of guilt already weighing in his stomach. .

'You don't have to,' Feliks repeated stubbornly. 'After he let you go he said it was forever.'

'I know, Feliks,' Toris soothed. 'I want to.'

Feliks shook his head, eyes bright with tears of frustration. 'I trust you, Toris. Like, I really do. If you want to do this, I will assist you.'

0o0o0o

Kiku read the letter about how Ivan was able to make another machine like his. As soon as he got to the details about the operation, he felt sick. What Ivan had to go through must have been horrific. What Leon would have to go through if he wanted to survive would be horrific.

Kiku buried his head in his hands, suddenly overcome by doubt. What if Leon didn't want the machines? What if he couldn't handle the procedure? What if the procedure killed him?

Before Kiku realized, he was halfway to the medical bay and then the command room, demanding to know about Leon.

0o0o0o

The first thing he realized was how close Leon looked to the verge of collapse after he realized it wasn't Yao on the other end of the line.

'It's just you, Kiku,' he sighed. 'I thought it was Yao. Don't tell him, please. I don't want him to worry.'

Kiku's throat tightened. 'I admit a similar sentiment. He...he is trying to live, I think.'

'Can't live and be a leader,' Leon joked weakly. 'You give up one or the other, and yet Yao wants both.'

'He has always wanted too much,' Kiku admitted softly. Leon blinked too fast and looked away. Yao with copper eyes and too much love for things he could never have.

'If I could help someone save you, would you want to be saved?' Kiku asked. Leon jerks out of his daze.

'What? How?'

'An alliance,' Kiku said carefully. Leon studied him for a second more before closing his eyes and exhaling in defeat.

'Braginsky.'

Kiku released a long breath silently, neither accepting nor denying it. 'Perhaps.'

'I know it is, Kiku,' Leon said, sounding tired. 'And I don't know if I want it.'

 **0o0o0o**

 **It tells so much about how the world is built.**

 ** _:: A specific song at nearly midnight when it is all quiet and you remember the lyrics_**


	8. Chapter 8

**What is it about space that makes us philosophical?**

 **0o0o0o**

Kiku worried at the hem of his shirt, nearly unraveling a loose thread.

'What do you mean you might not want to be healed?'

'Would you?' Leon challenged. Kiku didn't answer, and Leon slumped against the headboard, wheezing slightly. 'Tell me what the procedure is.'

'I'm not sure on everything,' the black-haired man said, trying to recall everything from Yao's rush of words when he'd spoken about Ivan's Earth. 'Your throat and most of your chest are replaced with metal and plastic. The machinery is obvious and whirs when you breathe.'

'And they tear you open to save you?' Leon said with a ghost of his former smile. Kiku looked away.

'I think so.'

Their silence was broken by Leon's coughing.

'Would you want to be ripped to shreds and replaced if it meant you could be saved, Kiku?' he asked tiredly. Kiku felt a lump rise in his throat.

'I…' He shook his head in frustration, vision blurred. 'Do you want to be saved or not?' he demanded.

Leon sounded lost when he answered, Kiku thought, lost and small and lonely.

'I'm not sure.' He made a hollow, tiny noise, a sob. 'I don't want to die, Kiku. But I don't want to live like that.'

0o0o0o

Yao was not alone in his room when he woke up. He came to curled tight against Ivan's chest, too tired to wonder why he hadn't kicked him out after they'd exhausted their stories. Maybe he had just been lonely enough to let him stay.

'You're awake,' Ivan said gently, brushing the hair away from his face.

'Yes.' Yao couldn't find it in him to move away. 'How long have you been up?'

'Not long, don't worry.' Ivan tipped Yao's head up to meet his, surveying his face, and drew lines down across his cheekbones. 'Your crying woke me up.'

'Crying?'

'In your sleep. About Leon and Kiku.'

Yao feebly grasped for the ragged edges of his dream and could only recall a dim sense of loss. 'Sorry.'

'It's okay to cry around me, Yao.' Ivan kissed his forehead with the softest of touches. 'I will never hurt you.'

Yao buried his fingers in the folds of Ivan's scarf and found he was starting to believe that.

'We have a meeting today,' Ivan reminded him, just as Yao had almost drifted off again. 'You should get ready.'

It was hard to untangle himself from Ivan's strange warmth. He felt drained, and couldn't find the words to ask the man to leave. He didn't need to. When he looked back at the bed from securing his robe, Ivan was gone.

Yao got ready alone.

0o0o0o

The meeting was mindless chatter reviewing the scientist's discoveries-not much-and as always, asking for better funds, better space, better rooms for the sick and better lies to tell them. Yao couldn't look them in the eyes when they asked for that. Beside him, Ivan took the stares instead, and eventually they looked away.

Yao wanted to apologize, not to the politicians, but to the people lying in the hospital beds knowing there was no cure coming, to the young boy he could not save except through-

No. He wouldn't give Leon the machinery. Would he?

The nobleman was immensely grateful when the meeting was over, and followed Ivan out of the room. He was thinking of trying to do paperwork until he decided he couldn't and slept instead, or just go back to the observatory like he always seemed to do. As he was thinking, Ivan stopped abruptly and Yao nearly crashed into his back.

'Ivan!'

'Hello, sister,' he said, ignoring him. Yao wondered if he was the only one who could hear the hollow threat in his voice.

'Hello, brother. Nobleman Yao, I have a letter for you. The instructions are that you open it alone.' Natalya extended a simple, blank white envelope, which Yao reached for. She did not release her end. Instead, she smiled and whispered, 'Please consider your decisions wisely after reading it.' Then she let go, and Yao held the letter with hands he hoped weren't visibly shaking.

As soon as she was out of sight, Ivan turned to Yao and took the letter from his hands. Yao opened his mouth to protest, but Ivan held up a hand to silence him, examining the letter closely, even the folds and creases. Eventually, he picked off a minuscule patch of what looked like putty holding the corner together, stuck it on the wall, and motioned for Yao to follow him, pushing the letter deep inside his coat. After they were around a corner, he spoke.

'That was a listening device.'

'Oh.' Yao felt foolish and immensely grateful Ivan had thought of such a thing, as well as knew what it looked like. 'Thank you.'

'I will have to put it back on. You cannot destroy it. My leader will become suspicious if he doesn't receive information from it, so talk normally around it, but do not reveal anything personal.'

Yao nodded. 'Will there be a device inside the letter?'

'Assume there is,' Ivan said. He looked tired, Yao realized. He didn't know how to say so, and Ivan turned around before he could think of the right words.

They returned to where Natalya had given them the letter, and Ivan replaced the device.

'Ivan,' Yao began. The Russian gave him a warning glance. 'Goodbye.'

'Goodbye, Yao,' Ivan said.

0o0o0o

Yao opened the letter carefully, always eyeing the listening device, wondering if it would be suspicious if he stuck the letter underneath a pan, or all of his paperwork, and deciding it was. He pried the simple, pure white sheet of paper out and unfolded it. It was only a few lines of text.

 _Dear Nobleman Yao Wang,_

 _Ivan seems to have healed from his injuries well. We thank you for your help. It would be unfortunate indeed if he could not reach such help in time again. Do not worry, we would find you another ambassador if such a thing happens._

 _Natalya will talk to you about how the alliance can proceed in the boardroom at six. Do not be late. We can reach a compromise._

 _Showing or mentioning the contents of this letter to anyone would result in the prompt replacement of your ambassador._

The letter was unsigned. Yao dropped the paper on his desk. White, white, nearly blank again against the dark wood and legal forms filled to the brink with clauses and safeguards. This letter did not need safeguards. It held enough threats that Yao would not dare step out of line.

He reread the words before slipping the letter back into the envelope and placing it securely in his pocket. So few of them. So simple a page. He did not dare release the laugh bubbling in his throat. Six was almost upon him.

0o0o0o

Natalya watched the hands of the clock tick towards six. Five minutes before, Yao knocked at the door.

'Welcome.'

Yao inclined his head, settling down across from her. She watched, almost impressed at his poise. She could almost see why Ivan loved him. Long, dark hair, red silks, copper eyes. Sharp and wiry and bright.

'The alliance is on your shoulders, Yao.' She rose to offer drinks, which Yao accepted. 'You have the power to change the winds between our fleets.' Yao politely nodded. 'I hope you have heard that my fleet is in need of your technology.'

'And we need your people, yes.' Natalya smiled. 'And you need Ivan.'

That almost broke his image, she thought at the way his fingers curled a little more on his untouched glass. Ivan was his breaking point, and he was Ivan's. Her brother was so foolish sometimes.

'As much time as he spends around you, he still belongs to us. To my fleet. You cannot guard him from danger every second of the day, Yao.' She swirled the drink in her glass and sipped, enjoying the taste. 'We can take everything from you, nobleman Yao.' She emphasized the word. 'And yet threatening Ivan does nothing to us, for what do we care the fate of a lowly ambassador? Would your fleet give up it's leader?'

'Why?' Yao breathed. He was coming undone, and Natalya reveled in it. She leaned closer and crooned the last words.

'This is not because of you or him. It is for us, and you are our simple pawns.'

Yao stared back, utter terror alight in his eyes. His voice shook.

'Please.'

'Goodbye, Yao,' she whispered, and he left.

0o0o0o

Yao was almost on the line with Kiku before he remembered the threat of the letter in his pocket and slammed the cancel button. He couldn't tell anyone, or Ivan was dead.

They had him, Yao thought. They could prompt him to him do anything they wanted, and even though he knew he was playing into their hands, he would still do so.

He called Ivan instead.

'Yao, what is-'

'Come to me,' Yao demanded. Ivan did not object.

'I will be there soon.'

Yao waited, jumpy and on edge until Ivan arrived. The first thing the larger man did was motion to his front. Yao impatiently threw the letter onto the table, crushed it beneath a heavy book, and turned around.

'I brought it to a meeting with Natalya,' he explained quietly, expecting some sort of plan on how they could use it. Instead, Ivan shook his head.

'It will be useless.'

Yao frowned for a second before Ivan stepped closer and kissed him.

'Hey-'

'What did she say? What did the letter say?' Ivan whispered against him. Yao sucked in a breath.

'Ivan, you genius.' His only response was a smile.

'It threatened you. Natalya said your leader would use us to twist the alliance. That you were especially in danger.'

'How?'

'If I step out of line, they'll break you.'

'They could not break me,' Ivan assured.

'Your machinery.'

Ivan paused, hands gripping Yao's sides. He looked vulnerable for a split second before it turned into hunger.

'So I am the collateral.'

'Yes,' Yao admitted. Ivan gently kissed him before looking him in the eyes.

'May I, Yao?'

Violet eyes. Yao felt like they were their own nebulae, ready to fuse into stars at the slightest touch. He pulled Ivan onto the bed, the air of i _f we are caught_ above them, driving them to madness. Closer. Closer, until he could smell the sunflowers and metal and Ivan's eyes were blue.

'I give myself to you, Ivan.'

His eyes were beautiful, Ivan thought, and he was bright and fiery and was even now fighting to win against a world against him.

'Somehow, I will save you,' he promised. Below him, Yao shook his head and kissed him again.

'Tomorrow.'

Ivan agreed.

The world was swept away. The fleets, the politics, the danger, the alliance, their alliance. It was all gone underneath his eyes, underneath the stars. Heat and the pressure of his gaze and the endless space around them as Ivan pressed him deeper into the bed with gentle touches and oh, the heat, Ivan's eyes fused into the hottest types of stars and they burned Yao's soul to ashes.

'Ivan,' he gasped, hair spilling onto the pillow, hands in his hair and tugging at his scarf. 'Take off the scarf.'

He did. Yao ran his hands over the metal and whispered _beautiful_. Hearing the word was new to Ivan, and it sent shivers down his spine.

The night was the rest before the storm. The night was their respite. The day would come tomorrow, and they would fight again, but for now Yao was his and Ivan was wondering about fate, about what brought him to a fleet leader and made him fall in love, and as they finished in a scream he thought _let them hear us_ and _may the stars come together for us_.

 **0o0o0o**

 **I think it's the possibilities.**

 ** _:: Lightning and the expectant silence afterwards_**


	9. Chapter 9

**Welcome, I think I take too much from things.**

 **0o0o0o**

 _'Sleep_.'

The gentle command wound through his dreams. He dreamed of Kiku again, crowned leader again, before he drifted too far away to see the boy's tears. He did not feel angry or lost or hurt in those dreams, only calm. He floated away from Kiku and Leon and it all, far into space, and Ivan's hands pulled him just a bit closer and he insisted, ' _Sleep_.'

When he awoke, Ivan was holding him gently away from the sharper metal of his chest. Yao craned his neck and felt surprised that his blue eyes were wet.

'You're crying.'

'So are you,' he said softly. 'Did I make you cry?'

'No. No, I think I did.' Yao gently touched his neck. 'You didn't put your scarf back on.'

'I didn't need to.'

Yao had a blurry memory of Ivan cleaning him off with a soft cloth as he lay half-asleep before asking him if he should go.

'You said that you wanted me to stay the night.' Ivan looked almost hesitant. 'Did you really want me to?'

'Obviously, Ivan,' Yao said with a smile. 'It was the least I could do.'

'Normally, you'd have called me 'Braginsky' then,' Ivan noted, sounding happier than he had ever been. Yao didn't see what was so important that Ivan liked Yao calling him his first name.

'I won't call you 'Braginsky' again if you don't want,' Yao vowed, and Ivan smiled a real, joyful smile.

'Please.'

They could almost pretend there was no fleets to deal with as they sat curled in Yao's bed, trying to find Ivan's scarf and coat from where they'd been thrown. Yao gave up salvaging the crumpled shirt he'd thrown on yesterday that he was actually supposed to wear today and settled for a white one instead. Ivan adjusted the heavy folds, expression tender, before his eyes took a cast of melancholy.

'Ivan?'

'Спасибо, любовь моя.'

'What?' Yao frowned. 'Was that Russian?'

'Yes.' Ivan looked somewhat amused and sad. 'I said 'thank you',' he clarified with a small smile.

'You could have said it in English.'

Ivan seemed to find that funny, but his eyes were still sad until the point they stepped out the door.

0o0o0o

'You know, you should speak Russian more often. It sounds…' Yao waved. 'You speak it well.'

'I should.'

'It sounds nice when you speak it,' Yao rephrased. Ivan laughed.

'I am surprised you don't know much of it.'

'I don't think I've spent enough time around anyone from your fleet other than you to pick it up. And I never had time or-forgive me, reason to learn it before the alliance. And even as the pact was being forged, I was up to here in paperwork in my own languages. To try to learn yours would be...' Yao gestured exaggeratedly above his head and laughed, too, stretching his arms up to the ceiling. It felt good. 'Maybe I should. One day, when I am so old that I am blind and Kiku has to lead the fleet. You can tell me the words and I'll repeat them.'

'That would be nice,' Ivan said.

They were in front of the conference room now, and yet Yao didn't want to go in. After neither of them moved to open the door, Ivan held out his arms and Yao pressed gratefully against him.

'You said that I could save you 'tomorrow',' Ivan reminded him. His voice was serious. Yao sighed deeply against his chest, listening to the familiar whir of his machinery.

'I think we'll need all the saving we can get.'

'May the stars come together for you, then.' Yao looked up, surprised. Ivan kissed his head and he let go, then reached for the door handle.

The room fell deathly silent as soon as they came in. Yao tried to look for an ally in the stony crowd, and his eyes landed on Kiku, who was the only one looking down. The scrape of a chair shattered the silence as Natalya pushed herself to her feet.

'Braginsky.'

Yao could _hear_ his machinery speed up at that. 'Hello, sister.'

'I'm surprised you are here. I thought you had received the order we sent to _your rooms_ -' Was it just Yao's imagination that she emphasized the words? '-that you are no longer Nobleman Yao Wang's ambassador.'

Yao's heart stopped and restarted and stopped again, trying to make sense out of her words. They didn't make much sense.

'Sorry?' Ivan was smiling, but his breathing was stuttering.

'I delivered the warrant myself. Where were you last night, Braginsky?' When he did not answer, she proceeded carelessly. 'You have been replaced as Yao Wang's ambassador due to several accounts of sharing private information as well as acting unprofessionally outside of the work environment. You will not be allowed near him again.' She looked straight at Yao, and the words from the letter, _replaced replaced replaced_ , beat senselessly through his head. 'We must protect the leader, after all.'

Someone guided him to his seat. The guards surrounded Ivan, quietly telling him that he was not allowed to be in such high-state matters if he wasn't Yao's ambassador, and Yao's sight of him was almost cut off. Right before he was ushered out, they locked eyes. And then he was gone.

'We apologize for the interruption, Nobleman Yao,' Natalya said. 'If we could resume our meeting…?' Yao nodded and slumped in his chair, shocked into obedience. Ivan's disappearance left the space to his left cold. To his right, there was Kiku, who wanted the best for him, who tried his best for him, who was his ally if not friend. He tried to look at the young man out of the corner of his eye.

'Kiku.'

The black-haired man jumped slightly. 'We cannot talk,' he whispered back. Yao chewed his lip, thinking, and tapped out a series of long and short clicks on the leg of his chair. Kiku frowned at first, but then his eyes lit up. Yao almost chuckled.

'You remember.'

'Of course,' Kiku said, trying to hide his smile. Yao finished tapping I-N-F-O T-O S-A-Y, and after barely a pause, Kiku answered L-E-O-N.

Yao glanced at him, and Kiku furrowed his brow.

S-I-C-K B-A-Y

Yao nodded, Kiku offered him one last smile, and they returned their attention to the meeting just as Natalya looked over.

'Of course, there remains the problem of Nobleman Yao's new ambassador.' She looked at him coldly, and Yao recalled her words. The fact that she had no real malice against either of them did not soothe the wounds. It was just the game of the fleets.

'I do not know if Nobleman Yao needs an ambassador,' Kiku volunteered. 'Do you?'

'It is protocol, Honda.' She fixed her gaze on Yao, and he stared steadily back. Rationally, he knew Natalya was not the one who had really sent Ivan away, but rage boiled in his stomach regardless.

'Who is my ambassador?' he forced out.

'I will be.'

The lingering traces of warmth-from Kiku or from Ivan-disappeared. Yao felt cold again. Natalya nodded patronizingly slowly, and Yao made his frozen mouth agree.

0o0o0o

As true to his word as always, Kiku was waiting outside the sick bay. Yao smiled wearily at him as he drew closer, and Kiku bowed slightly in response.

'You still remember my lessons about the Earth Morse code,' Yao said. 'I didn't think you would.'

'I don't practice it frequently, but I remember enough,' Kiku said. He looked back inside the window of the medical bay, seemingly steeling himself, and when he looked back to Yao, his eyes were determined. 'If we could save Leon, would you agree?'

'Of course!' Yao gasped, tears springing to his eyes. 'How?'

Kiku grimaced. 'Ivan and I had a deal. A plan, more so, to manufacture another of his machines and repeat the procedure on Leon.'

Yao tried to absorb the information.

'You'd rip him apart?'

'It's the only way,' Kiku said.

'It's an experimental procedure, Ivan said so himself, he said it could kill him, he said-'

'I know,' Kiku said loudly, face flushed. 'Did you think we had another way to save him? Did you think we'd finally defeated the coughing virus?'

'I...I hoped.' Yao shook his head, more tears welling in his eyes. 'I have to hope.'

'You have always, always hoped too much,' Kiku said tiredly. He was young, Yao thought, but not that young. Maybe even surpassing him in aging of the mind. He would make such a good fleet leader, Yao thought with a hint of nostalgia laced with pain. If or when he made it there.

'Did you ask Leon?' Yao deflected. Kiku nodded.

'Yes. He said...he didn't know. He wanted to be saved, but not like that.'

'It takes something from you,' Yao agreed. Inside the window, Leon was still and silent, hooked up to machines that were driving him along his last few hours.

'Last chance, Yao,' Kiku said desperately. 'Should we save him?' Yao looked into his eyes and felt the weight of this decision-which seemed so much heavier than anything else-and shouldered it gratefully.

'Contact Ivan. Start the procedure.' He paused, and Kiku's eyes lit. 'Save him, Kiku.'

0o0o0o

When his device beeped, for a single absurd second Ivan expected Yao's voice on the other end of the line. It was Kiku.

'Mr. Braginsky, please bring in the machinery.' Ivan sat up straighter.

'Of course. I will be at the sick bay in fifteen minutes.' He ended the call and immediately contacted Toris. 'The machinery, please. At my rooms in ten minutes.' Toris was silent, and Ivan felt a flicker of fear. 'It is done?'

'It is done.' He sounded defeated. 'Eduard programmed this one as well, but Raivis refuses to do the procedure.'

'That is not true,' Ivan said softly. 'He would do it if I asked. But no matter. There are better surgeons. My rooms, Toris, in ten minutes. Do not be late. I have a life to save.'

'Who?' he asked suddenly. Ivan, about to end the call, decided to humour him and lifted the device back to his mouth.

'A young boy's.'

Then he hung up, swept the papers demanding his attendance at his leader's offices aside with a strange sense of satisfaction, and wrapped his scarf around his neck.

0o0o0o

Kiku stood silently, the slight furrow between his eyes the only indication of his worry. Yao paced. He couldn't stay still, imagining all the ways the procedure could go wrong, or even worse, the ways it could go right. The way he could hug and praise and talk to Leon again, soon, just as soon as the machinery was involved.

It was during this pacing that he turned around into a chest covered in soft fabric and a sunflower-scented scarf.

'Ivan!'

'Yao,' he said tenderly. In his hands, there was a briefcase. He carried it as gently as if it was more than gold-which it was. Yao drank in the sight of him, a thousand things to say aching on his tongue, but he swallowed all of them. Now was not the time. Ivan finally looked back to Kiku and wordlessly handed him the briefcase before producing two air masks from his pocket. Kiku accepted one, Yao hesitated to take the other.

'Don't you need it?'

'Not technically,' Ivan said. Yao strapped on the mask and followed Kiku into the room.

'Where are your best surgeons?' Ivan asked one of the doctors. She instantly rushed to go find them, and by the time she came back, Yao was nearly sick with anticipation. He was going to save Leon. They were going to save Leon.

When he did see Leon, he felt like he was going to be sick. Leon was pale and emaciated, and his eyes rolled underneath the eyelids. He looked so different. Emil sat by his bedside, looking almost the carbon copy of the brunette's symptoms. When Yao and the others came in, he barely glanced up.

'Are you here to save him?' he asked dully. 'Don't you think you're a bit late?'

'If he's breathing, he's saveable,' Yao insisted furtively. Emil just shook his head with a little laugh and let them come closer. The surgeons examined both him and the machinery, one's face turning white when he saw it.

'You mean to rip him apart.'

'Yes,' Yao whispered, hating the feel of the words. 'Can you? Will you?'

'Yes,' one of them said. 'Of course, he might…'

'Die. I know, I know. Just-just save him,' Yao begged. The surgeons seemed to hold a conversation with each other in the span of a millisecond, and they both backed away.

'Say goodbye now,' the younger one directed, sounding broken and small. 'Just in case, okay?'

Ivan bowed his head. Kiku whispered a quick prayer, eyes haunted. Yao stepped up and felt all the pain of the last few days crash in on him in a pitiful, tiny sob as he pressed a kiss to Leon's forehead.

'You're going to survive,' he said, repeated it until he could almost believe it. He would not say goodbye. There was no need for goodbye if he would wake up.

The surgeons began to work.

 **0o0o0o**

 **I am strangely in love with the ideas of rising and falling.**

 ** _:: Sitting awake, propped against something as you think with wide eyes_**


	10. Chapter 10

**There is something ineffably wonderful about distractions, and I find I appreciate them too much.**

 **0o0o0o**

The painkillers dripping into Leon weren't enough, Yao wanted to say, but he didn't want to push the envelope after being allowed to stay. They'd looked at him with weary expressions when he'd begged, and the younger one had almost met his eye. He didn't want Leon to feel anything during this, or-he pushed it away, but the thought intruded again-or to have a painful exit from the world. At that, he held his tongue, bit it so hard it bled, watched with the foul taste of bile and panic in his throat as they readied to make the first cut. Ivan was near him, close enough for heat. He whispered 'Close your eyes.' Yao did not.

The first cut leaked crimson. Just a dot, sickeningly red. Irrationally, Yao thought of his silks.

He turned away, thinking he would be sick. That spot of red was branded into his vision, an image against Ivan's scarf, against his coat. He could still hear the surgery, and he curled inwards to try to hide from it.

Then there was Kiku beside him, staring away from the table. Yao looked at him with pained eyes and reached out, not sure what he was hoping for. Kiku made a soft sound of sorrow as Yao's hand gripped his so hard they thought both their bones would break.

He could hear Leon, hear the machinery being assembled. Quietly, he began to repeat you're going to survive, you're going to survive, not knowing who the chant was meant for anymore.

Yao didn't know how long it was until their surgeons' actions sounded desperate, and the weight crushed all the breath from his lungs. He closed his eyes and sank to his knees.

There was a terrible pain in his chest.

0o0o0o

Leon was floating. Dimly, he remembered video calls, questions, worried eyes and hidden hands behind backs. He remembered Kiku and his stupidly optimistic deal to save him. He remembered Yao, and his heart swelled. He remembered his entire life in the span of a few floating seconds. Court life, silks and stars and proverbs, purple eyes in the infirmary, sneaking around Yao's back to get out of meetings, laughter. He remembered and it filled him to bursting with sadness and happiness and everything in between.

Then came the pain. There was pain everywhere, chewing him up and remaking him different. It went on forever and ever and ever, and he felt himself being pulled to pieces. Something inside of him said to push upwards towards the pain, towards those memories, to where-if he strained-he could almost hear Yao.

Yao, oh, they'd be able to tease and laugh again.

But he tried to rise and his vision blacked out, and he was drifting again, and then Yao screamed, screamed, like his world was collapsing, and Leon found he couldn't reach for his voice any longer.

He floated away.

0o0o0o

Yao had opened his eyes.

Leon lay on the bed, chest and throat replaced with metal and plastic. He lay silently, almost peacefully. He looked normal again, save for the machinery. He looked asleep. The world was completely silent, the surgeons stepped back. The younger one shook his head, tears welling in his eyes.

'We did all we could.'

Yao gently laid his head on Leon's chest and waited. The silence stretched and stretched and stretched and there was no humming.

He just lay there. Yao turned his head slightly, listening even harder, not willing to believe even as some primal part of his brain was pushing a wracking sob up through his mouth and blurring Leon's peaceful, sleeping face with tears.

Yao barely heard Kiku fall to his knees.

'I'm sorry.'

Yao looked into the haunted eyes of the young surgeon, blankly, dully, and the sob tore through his throat and he folded over from the pain, the sheer pain, wailing, holding onto Leon's body like the lifeline he'd lost. The metal scraped over his skin.

It felt like hours before he could register what lay before him, days until Kiku held onto him, years until someone pried his hands off Leon's body while he screamed ' _No! No! No!_ '. Being carried back to his rooms in arms that smelled more of metal than of sunflower took a lifetime. He couldn't stop crying.

The next day, Kiku woke him up and quietly told him the date of the funeral. Yao felt numb when he nodded.

0o0o0o

Ivan returned to the room and watched them cover the body and take it away. He watched them clean up the sheets, dotted with pinpricks of crimson, and throw them out. He watched the young surgeon collapse into screams on the floor as he begged forgiveness. He watched and then turned away.

Leon, Leon, Leon. His mind repeated all the things that went wrong, how they acted in desperation and fate hadn't saved him as it saved Ivan. Fate, he thought, rolling the word around in his mind, hating the taste and finally deciding that the universe had not decided Leon would fuse into a star.

There was a weight in his chest, where his heart usually rested. The air of the starship felt too stale. He felt claustrophobic, trapped. The questions beat against his mind, and he silenced them. It did not matter now whether Ivan could have saved him or if he had wanted to be. Leon was dead now.

Ivan wanted to sleep. He wanted to find the observatory and lay down under the nebulae and forget about what he'd done for a an hour, a day, a year. But he couldn't, of course.

Ivan started towards his own fleet. He would meet with his leader.

0o0o0o

Ivan told him everything.

'Trade routes, sicknesses weakening the population, in need of space and in need of our technology,' the man recited with a sharp smile.

'Not just for the sickness,' Ivan added quietly. 'For their starships, for their stars.'

'Observatories,' his leader corrected. He leaned across the table, eyeing Ivan like a bird of prey. Ivan did not flinch. It would be useless to pretend anything for this man. His sister would receive the boons, and his pain would always be the same no matter what rank he achieved.

'Observatories,' Ivan repeated. His leader sat back and continued inspecting him.

'You've been conspicuously absent from the fleet, Braginsky.'

'I am an ambassador,' Ivan said stiffly. His leader shook his head.

'You are more than an ambassador to nobleman Yao,' he said casually, flipping his device between his fingers. 'Just today, you accompanied him as you attempted to save a boy's life using unauthorized methods and technology, killing him in the process.'

'Everyone knew the risks,' Ivan said. His leader shook his head.

'Not him.'

They locked eyes across the table, silently challenging, warring, fighting the battle between want and have. His leader loathed him. Ivan felt nothing for the man.

'How far will you go for him, Braginsky?' his leader wondered quietly. 'How much will you do? What will you sacrifice?' Ivan did not respond, and the man laughed. 'You may go.'

Ivan did.

0o0o0o

'The last lesson didn't teach you.'

Ivan refused to look at them. Resisting them would only bring more retribution-these visits were his leader's mocking promise to him. Every time he was called, every time the man was reminded that Ivan had seen Earth, there was a punishment. For all fleet leaders love Earth, but some more dangerously than others.

'We heard you were working on another of your machines. Why would you turn another into what you are?'

'I mean no harm,' Ivan whispered. They laughed softly, and he barely deflected the first strike to his neck.

' _Braginsky_.'

0o0o0o

The days before the funeral passed in a daze. Yao couldn't force himself to do anything. He woke up, remembered, tried in vain to complete work, and slept fitfully. The only solace was Kiku. They never discussed it, but Yao knew the young man was taking his work along with his own, and was immeasurably grateful but could find no good way to properly thank the young man.

Kiku stepped inside and closed the door behind him. Yao scratched out a final figure on the paper he'd been working on for the last two days and rose to go sit with his prodigy.

'Hello.'

'Hello, Kiku.' Yao felt a tiny bit of the weight on his chest lift. 'How are you?'

Kiku hesitated. 'The funeral is tomorrow,' he finally said. Yao felt the familiar ache rush through him.

'Oh.'

'Yes.' Kiku dipped his head, staring at his hands. 'You are one of the carriers.'

'It is a great honour,' Yao said tiredly. The image of Leon reduced to mere ashes made a lump rise in his throat. 'You are, too?'

'Yes. His father and mother are, as well, along with the boy transferred in on a medical trade from the Nordic fleets.'

'Who?' Yao asked, too drained to try to figure out who it was.

'The boy with purple eyes. He came in with Tino. I believe his name is Emil.'

'Oh, him. He seemed to be good to Leon, I don't see any trouble in…' Yao trailed off, more pain welling in his stomach. 'Letting him say goodbye in the most final way possible,' he finished.

'Goodbye.' Kiku tested the word. 'Yes, I think that's what it is.'

'Goodbye,' Yao whispered. He couldn't force himself to say the name that still hung like spun glass and rose thorns in his mind.

They sat for a long time, not making conversation, just allowing themselves to be within the presence of someone else who understood. When Kiku left, Yao fumbles through some more paperwork before sleeping again.

0o0o0o

He always went to the observatory afterwards. As soon as he could breathe again, he lost himself in the stars to take it away another way.

Ivan's chest creaked and sparked. He knew he had all but staggered there. They always targeted his chest, his neck. He was almost glad Leon would never have to endure that before shoving the thought away.

He would have to fix the wires himself this time. Ivan was no stranger to it, but the memories of Yao's gentle touch made his own, painkiller-free operations all the more starkly different.

'Ivan.'

Ivan raised his head without looking at Yao. He felt strangely at peace. 'Yao.'

The brightness settled down beside him. Ivan did not dare take his eyes off the space above them. Slowly, slowly, a cloud began to seep across the glass. Ivan was too aware of the painful noises his machinery was making. The nebula was farther away, blurry, and they sat in silence and alliance of awe as the stars lived above them.

Finally, when the glass was dark again, Yao stood and extended a hand. Ivan took it and finally looked at him, at his golden silks and amber eyes and calmness.

'Come, Ivan.'

Ivan followed.

0o0o0o

Ivan's rooms were as bare and wintery as ever, but the blankness was strangely comforting. Yao arranged needles and bottles and breathed deeply. He turned to Ivan, who was still and calm.

Yao touched his crown, his cheekbones, his lips. His hands brushed the back of his neck, and Ivan breathed in sharply.

'So careless,' Yao scolded wearily. His voice was quiet.

Ivan knelt, silently offering the frayed wires at the back of his neck to the slighter man.

'So reckless, so headstrong,' Yao continued. He did not ask who this time, there was no need to. His voice shook but his hands were steady, picking apart the shredded coverings, cleaning them carefully of blood. Ivan's eyesight nearly gave out. His head felt as if it was to split open. Still, he did not move.

Yao painstakingly replaced the coverings and put him back together. The needle made a popping sound as it threaded his flesh. Ivan did not speak until it was done, until Yao's soft lips pressed against the crown of his head a moment later.

'So strong, Ivan,' he murmured. Tears dropped from his eyes.

 **0o0o0o**

 **Whether it's something that takes us away, or fantasy worlds-I end up caught in distraction.**

 ** _:: The heaviness of being asleep for too long_**


	11. Chapter 11

**Things that change slowly but drastically-like water on stone, language, sometimes individual songs-huge, majestically quiet things I find pretty.**

 **0o0o0o**

The funeral was silent. Kiku sat rigidly, tears streaming down his face. Yao was bent, broken at the shoulders and the spine, all the lines that held him upright. The small observatory had a pure, unmarked pane of glass to see outwards. Beautiful as it was, the opulence was dragged down with its purpose. This room was only used for funerals.

'It's time to go.'

Yao jerked as the hesitant hand touched his shoulder. He looked up. Even blurred with tears, the violet eyes were unmistakable.

Emil bowed his head, thin shoulders shaking. For the first time, Yao realized how young he was. Barely older than the boy he'd taken care of. 'It's time,' he repeated.

They found their suits. Yao tried to pull it on, but the sleek plates wouldn't align right and his hands were shaking so badly that he dropped it and swore. Kiku stopped him when he went to pick it up.

'Hold still.'

Yao wanted to protest. Kiku's red eyes begged him not to. He let his prodigy fit him into it before Kiku turned to a trembling Emil as well. He bent down and whispered something in the boy's ear. Emil blinked slowly and nodded.

Their little party started towards the doors, hooking on cables and checking suits. They had their vials of ashes in hand. Yao watched Emil cradle his, whispering fierce promises muffled by his mask. Tears welled in his eyes, fogging the glass.

'Emil.'

The boy raised his eyes. Yao saw hurt there, hurt that they'd failed, over what they'd done. Emil shook his head, the tiniest motion, and Yao was helpless.

The airlock hissed open, and Emil was the first one out.

They floated. Their ashes seemed weightless out here. Parents were always the first. Yao's vision blurred, and when he came back, Kiku was twisting the cap off his vial. Then it was his turn.

The ashes were pale gray and white and so small, so insignificant. There was nothing in them to speak of a boy who'd run laughing through starship halls just weeks ago. This was all that was left of him.

He shook them out and watched as they joined the darkness, for all meanings looking like the pinpricks of faraway stars. They drifted away.

Beside him, Emil stared at his vial with terrified, lonely eyes. For a second, it didn't seem he would let the ashes go, but then he ripped off the cap and the ash, Leon's ashes swung out in a long trail, like a comet's tail, and Emil weakly reached out and ran his fingers through them. His movements were tender, gentle, like fingers carding through hair. Loving.

Emil looked at him with a half-smile, teary and bitter, and Yao almost-almost-laughed at his stupidity at not realizing sooner.

When the doors of the airlock hissed shut behind them, Emil still had ashes on the fingers of his suit.

Yao drifted through the rest of the funeral.

0o0o0o

After the funeral was over, after he could no longer see Leon's ashes in the glass, Yao knew he would have to work again. There would be no more excuses of letting Kiku take his paperwork along with his own. Being Yao the fleet leader, Yao the nobleman was not new, being Yao without his little brother was.

Yao numbly signed his name again, agreed to another contract he'd regret in a month, a week, tomorrow. There would be no more of Leon's conversation when he was supposed to be doing work and had to chase him off, there would be no more silly food requests, no more him, plain and simple. Yao had thought his throat was too raw to cry, and yet some broken sound crawled out at the thought that he'd have to reassign the little papers he'd given to Leon to someone else.

Someone opened the door. Yao didn't bother to look up.

'Ivan, why weren't you at the funeral?'

'I didn't belong there.'

'I would say you're right.' Yao felt Ivan's warmth beside him. 'Ivan…'

'We cannot change what has already happened, Yao.'

'I don't want to talk about it,' he begged. 'Please, Ivan.'

'I'm sorry, Yao.'

'I am, too.'

A larger, warmer hand covered his and pried the pen from his grasp.

'I need to get this done.'

'How many days has it been since the funeral, Yao?'

'I don't know,' Yao snapped. 'Give me my pen back, Ivan.'

'It's been two and a half days. Have you slept?'

'I don't know!' Yao grabbed for the pen, and Ivan pulled him from his chair and slammed him against the wall. Yao screeched in fury.

'You aren't good to anyone dead, Yao.' The hint of anger coloured his normally composed voice. Yao knew all too well the way his hands were pale and the bones jutted from them. He was perfectly aware of what he'd been doing-it was all he could do!

'Let go of me, Braginsky!'

Ivan jerked back like he'd been burned.

Yao felt suddenly cold.

'Ivan?'

'Please don't call me that,' Ivan whispered, sounding childishly small. Yao nodded, frantically reaching for him, and Ivan let himself be held.

'I'm sorry.'

'Leon wouldn't have wanted you to end like this,' he said. Yao scoffed into his scarf. It was a low card to play, but it coiled like an iron in his stomach; it worked. Ivan seemed to take his silence as agreement.

'Why don't you like that name?'

'I don't like it when it's said in anger. It's related to how I keep getting my machinery broken,' he said. 'Do not ask any more, Yao.'

'I won't.' Yao tipped Ivan's head up to look him in the eye. 'Can I have my pen back?'

Ivan let him have it. 'Take care, Yao.'

'Hold on, Ivan.' Yao sat back down at his desk. 'How can I stop you from getting into these stupid fights that get your machinery broken?'

His voice was teasing, but Ivan flinched.

'They aren't fights, not really.'

Before the door shut, Ivan heard the sound of Yao calling for him to wait. He didn't.

0o0o0o

'We are sorry for your loss.'

Yao looked Natalya in the eyes and nodded. Somewhere, under the court-schooled expression and the violet eyes, so exactly like her brother's, he thought he saw a flicker of sorrow. She was not the enemy, she was trying to survive in a bloody game of lives-one that Yao did not play well. For a second, he wanted to ask if she'd seen Earth, too.

'Thank you,' he said instead, and discarded the idea of Natalya knowing Earth.

She guided them back towards the meeting. Kiku is far more composed than he is. Someone who had not had years of the young man's life to share wouldn't have seen the way his eyes were too wide and unblinking and his hands clenched.

'We have bad news.' Someone stood up at the end of the table, and a ripple went through the crowd. 'There has been evidence of an outbreak of the virus.'

'Where?' someone called.

'The Middle fleet.'

Yao finally looked up, a retort poised on his tongue. The Russian leader looked back at him. This was the first time he'd spoken.

'I would think it would be my responsibility to announce what is happening in my fleet,' he said sharply. The man nodded.

'It would if there was not evidence you may not have found it in time. We had to act,' he said. 'Nobleman Yao, you need to take action on the population issues, do you not? We can supply you with starships. Temporarily, of course. We can also assist you with finances in order to arrange for a more aggressive attack on researching the virus…?'

Yao tasted blood. He couldn't turn the offer down-the subtle threat in the man's eyes told much-but allowing influence over their finances was too much.

'I agree,' he said, the bitter taste increasing until he nearly gagged in the words. 'We can discuss later.'

'Thank you.' The man inclined his head, and Yao caught his shark's smile.

Your former ambassador is hanging in the balance, he seemed to say. Be careful.

0o0o0o

'Here are the figures,' Yao said, passing the device to Natalya. Kiku had managed to pull together a few sheets that painted them in the best light while also hiding much information. What he wouldn't do without the boy, Yao thought, shaking his head.

Natalya scanned the numbers a final time, toying with a bit of her collar.

'I apologize for Leon,' she said finally, swirling her drink. 'Did he pass peacefully?'

'In his sleep,' Yao said. She nodded, now pressing at a patch of lace. Yao took a drink and winced again. Oddly bitter.

'I would have thought you were still mourning.'

'The job doesn't wait,' he said defensively. She mutely shook her head and gestured to a tiny black device nearly invisible in the lace. Yao, eyes wide, looked up at her, and she nodded grimly.

'I wonder, do you think my brother was a better ambassador?' she asked lightly. Yao nodded emphatically.

'No,' he lied a second afterwards, still bewildered. She nodded.

'Well, regardless, if I see him, I'll remind him to take care,' she said, standing up. Yao mouthed _why?_

She shook her head and mouthed back _because he is in grave danger_ before leaving.

0o0o0o

It was a long few hours before Yao could safely call for Ivan.

'You're in danger,' he whispered as soon as Ivan closed the door soundlessly behind him.

'I'm always in danger, Yao.'

'No. Real danger, Ivan, from your leader or someone. Your sister told me.'

His face darkened. 'I would not trust what she told you.'

'No, you need to listen. You need to-'

'My sister lied to you, Yao.' He cut him off. 'To distract you from being the Middle fleet leader, from doing what you needed to do.'

'I don't think she's lying, Ivan!' Yao grabbed his arm. 'Listen. You don't need to believe her. I can take time off and say that I'm grieving-' a lance of pain shot through him at the thought of using the occasion like that, but he pushed it away. '-in order to look around.'

'You really shouldn't. I'll do it instead,' Ivan said.

'If you are caught-!'

'I won't be.' Ivan smiled, a ghost of predatory instinct in the teeth of it. 'Don't worry.'

'For now, though, stay the night,' Yao insisted impulsively. Ivan let himself be pulled closer into a kiss.

'Of course.'

'Good.'

0o0o0o

Feliks heard the soft cry and ran before he realized he was doing so.

'Toris? Toris, what's wrong?' Feliks scanned the room for whoever might have drawn that sound from the brunette. 'Toris, is it another letter?'

'Here.' Toris weakly offered a blank, pure white sheet of paper to the blond.

'If it's another machinery request, I'm gonna-' Feliks froze.

'I don't want to, I'm sorry, Feliks,' Toris begged. 'I didn't want to do it. The machinery killed him. I killed him, Feliks!'

'No, you didn't.' Feliks tossed the letter aside. It could wait. 'You tried your best. He would have definitely died without it. You, like, gave him a chance at life!'

'But it didn't work,' Toris breathed. 'Do you think that's what this is for? That they know I killed him?'

'No,' Feliks said, feeling sick. Toris shook his head, hands white-knuckled on the back of his chair.

'Why else would they want me at the Russian leader's boardroom tomorrow?'

'I'm sure it's fine. Just a check because you, like, used to be a Satellite fleet,' Feliks assured. 'It'll be nothing.'

'If you say so.' Toris gave him a weak smile. 'Come with me? Please?'

'Of course,' Feliks assured him, and dropped a light kiss on his hair, rumpled from fingers dragged through it. He lazily untangled some of the knots, and Toris relaxed back into his touch.

'Good.'

 **0o0o0o**

 **They change forever, but you'd never notice.**

 ** _:: Songs with endings nearly unrecognizable from the beginnings_**


	12. Chapter 12

**Capturing exactly what you want is rather difficult.**

 **0o0o0o**

Keep him distracted. Easier said than done, Yao thought, chewing on the inside of his mouth again. He tasted copper more often than not now. His mind shuffled through and discarded ideas of meetings, calls, and false files. It kept his mind off Leon for once.

Leon. Yao pushed his face away, but their video call came back to mind. Yao wondered if he'd ever be able to forget Leon's voice with the way his words echoed endlessly in the gray. Of course he would. One day, he wake up and realize he couldn't remember the way Leon winked at his cousins when they were planning or the way he explained the new devices. He would fade, and Yao would then think of the time when Leon's memory had consumed him and curse how he hadn't preserved it better.

Yao felt a sharp pain and raised a hand to his lip. It came away red. Bitten again. His skin felt too tight.

He couldn't think of Leon right now. Leon was beyond saving, and all Yao could do now was to try to save someone else. Try desperately, try with everything left behind from where his younger brother used to be. Try. Try so he wouldn't-fail-again!

Yao pressed the buttons through muscle memory now.

'Kiku, I need your help,' he demanded, ending the line without waiting for an answer and throwing himself back into ideas and sketches as soon as he could. Anything to keep off the horrible gaping loneliness. He didn't know how long it was until Kiku knocked on the door. Without looking up, he shouted 'Let yourself in!'

'Yao, you-'

'Don't start.' Yao stood, the prickling unrest underneath his skin suddenly rising to the surface, snapping along his skin like sparks. 'I know what I look like. I know how much I've been working. Save the lecture. Braginsky got to it first.'

'I was just going to say you have ink here.' The young man tapped his cheekbone quietly. Yao rubbed at it angrily with his sleeve, and Kiku shook his head. 'Hold on.'

The black-haired man crossed to the sink and wet a small towel. Yao watched him, the anger draining as suddenly as it had come for weariness. Kiku turned to him, waiting for permission.

'May I?' he asked. Yao just closed his eyes in response, and the soft cloth rubbed the ink away. It withdrew. Yao still didn't open his eyes.

'I'm sorry.'

'He was your little brother,' Kiku said. The sink ran again.

'I feel guilty, Kiku. So horribly guilty that it feels like it'll rip me up, take me apart, crush me.'

The sink turned off. Kiku moved behind him, such a tiny movement Yao was sure nobody else would have noticed. The kind of almost sigh that meant sorrows and frustration and anger, all unspoken. Yao thought he would snap at him, but his words were surprisingly pained. 'Like a black hole has replaced your heart?'

'Not exactly. Like the entire fleet is falling into a gravity well, a nebula, inevitably but slowly.' Yao twisted the pen in his hands. 'It's not the whole fleet, though. It's just me.'

'It's not just you.' Kiku moved by his side, and Yao opened his eyes again. Kiku looked broken. Kiku looked like he had a black hole replacing his heart. His eyes were raw with emotion. Yao reached out to hold him, but Kiku turned away. 'What did you need me for?'

Yao stared at his back for a long time, begging for him to turn back around and share himself again, but Kiku never did.

'We need to draw the Russian leader's attention away from Ivan.'

'For how long?' Kiku neatly slid his paperwork to the side, returning a thick book buried at the very bottom to the shelf. Yao sat down and motioned for Kiku to follow suit, almost impressed at how he didn't ask questions.

'Three, four hours? Long enough for Ivan to get to the files, but not too long or else it looks suspicious.'

Kiku frowned at his hands before picking up his device and dialing a number. He spoke haltingly into the mouthpiece in a musical language Yao didn't understand, and received a burst of enthusiastic fast-paced chatter in return.

'Who is-'

'Please wait,' Kiku whispered, listening to the young man on the other end for a few minutes more before thanking the person and ending the call. 'That was a friend of mine from the Axis. Particularly, the Italian part. I never know for sure if he will have any information, but the chance did pay off this time.' He glanced questioningly at the note paper. Yao nodded impatiently.

Kiku peeled off a piece and set about writing times.

'He is friends with one of the co-leaders of the Union of Two Nations fleet, and he heard that the Russian leader is having a meeting with the other leader at twelve.' Kiku wrote a twelve at the top of the page, then a one, two, three, and four below it. 'We can almost guarantee that the meeting will run for at least an hour but no more than two, because there was no command to clear the entire day's schedule.' Kiku crossed out the first three numbers and circled the remaining two. 'What will Ivan be doing during the last two hours?'

'Returning the information to me or going back to his usual duties to not seem suspicious?' Yao guessed, slightly euphoric at this strike of good luck.

Kiku wrote it down. 'And the leader?'

Yao shuffled in his seat, coming to the painful realization that he had no inside man other than Ivan to tell him what he needed. Except perhaps…

Yao groaned, dropping his head into his hands. Kiku looked up, startled.

'Did something happen?'

'Kiku,' Yao said, twisting his pen in his fingers again. 'I may either make the biggest mistake or bring this all together.'

It was meant to be lighthearted. But the split second of memory in Kiku's eyes was too much, and Yao's hands cracked the plastic of the pen. Suddenly not caring for an answer, he took up his device with shaking hands and dialed a number he barely remembered seeing flash up on Ivan's display. This was to right the wrongs in some convoluted, ironic way, wasn't it? A game of corruption to avenge innocence?

'Hello, Natalya. This is Yao.'

Kiku flinched, nearly reaching out to take the device away. The other end of the line was silent for so long that Yao thought he'd dialed the wrong number and was about to end the call.

'What do you need, Yao?'

Yao's heart was pounding so hard he could feel it, taste it, hear it. He took a deep breath. 'I need you to tell me what your leader will do after he ends the meeting with the Lithuanian leader.'

More silence. Beside him, Kiku stared at the ground. Finally, she spoke. 'I could tell my leader everything you are saying.'

'But you won't.'

Yao could imagine Natalya with her long spill of pale hair, twirling strands between her fingers as she weighed the consequences. 'Not for nothing.'

'Never for nothing,' he breathed. The woman laughed, then, a terrifying sound, and Yao felt panic spike like fire through him. The sound carried on until she quieted, and Yao waited with bated breath.

'He will be at the observatory,' she whispered, soft as a feather, and the call went dead.

Yao lowered the device from his ear and only then allowed himself to acknowledge how badly his hands were shaking. Kiku gazed at him impassively, but Yao caught a flicker of relief and respect. They shared a silent second of agreement.

'I will meet him there.'

Kiku nodded. It looked as if there was more he wanted to say, but he left before he gave the words voice.

0o0o0o

Ivan considered what he was doing as he walked towards the command rooms. Seeing if he was on death row as a whim for a man who believed his sister's lies. It was ridiculous, Ivan thought, and yet he couldn't imagine doing anything else right now. His and Yao's alliance was built from trust, he supposed. Trust with information and lies and trust that Yao would cover for him.

He pulled his scarf over his mouth as a precaution and uncapped a vial he pulled from his pocket. It wouldn't be fatal for the guards so long as he capped it soon enough. And he did. He held no malice towards them, these crumpled bodies breathing shallowly through the sleeping pain, slumped around the door.

Ivan pushed a tool into the lock and eased open the door to the rooms, and all other thoughts disappeared from his mind. He walked confidently, slowly, not looking around at the people sleeping where they had sat or stood. Nobody appeared to question him, and he made his way into the files department. The files under B were easy to break into and he shuffled through the names, wondering who else he could find ready to be terminated in these folders.

A hand landed on his shoulder.

0o0o0o

Toris may as well have been back with Ivan.

Every time he fielded questions about interests or aims disguised as small talk, he was dragged back to Ivan's childish voice and violet eyes. He tried to drive the memories away by thinking of Feliks, Feliks' sunshine and warmth, but all that appeared in his mind's eye were the sunflowers he now hated so much.

Most of all, that Feliks has been turned away at the door, that his gentle warmth had been stripped away and now Toris was cold and alone.

Toris felt as if he was going to be sick every time the man asked about his governing, knowing where the conversation was slowly sliding to. His machinery.

What if, Toris wished suddenly, foolishly, he had grown up among books and words instead of iron and gears.

'Toris?'

Toris jerked back to the present. 'Sorry?'

'I have heard you design things. Make machines.'

Toris' heart sank, and he wished more than ever for Feliks, but no Feliks arrived. 'I do it rarely. I am not very good.'

'Evidently,' the leader said, tapping his fingers on the table separating them. 'Toris, If someone else was to create the machinery you irresponsibly and unethically used on Leon Wang, do you think he'd still be alive?'

The casual question cut Toris to his core. 'I-I don't…'

'If someone else had done it, if the operation was done better, faster, sooner. Do you think he'd be alive, Toris?'

'I...I don't know,' Toris stammered. 'How did you know I was-'

'Braginsky's device is tapped,' the man said. 'You could be charged, Toris. But I think the worst part for you would be releasing the information publicly.'

Toris stared across the table in horror. The man looked gravely back at him.

'Do we have a deal, Toris?' he asked, and all Toris could do was nod.

0o0o0o

'Ivan?' his sister asked shakily. Ivan carefully shut the drawer and stood. Her voice was a mess of warning and fear.

'Hello,' he said softly. 'What are you doing here?'

She mutely shook her head. 'I came to tell you you need to leave.'

'I know,' Ivan said soothingly. His mind was scrambling for ideas. All he could do was play off his sister's kindness. 'Katyusha, I don't want you to tell anyone I was here. Please?'

She flinched at the familiar name. 'Ivan, you know I would have to. Please, don't.'

'I'm your brother,' Ivan coaxed. 'I'm doing this for a good cause.' He dropped his voice, wondering if he could convince her. 'I am here to see if I am in trouble.'

She flinched. 'Ivan…'

'All it would take is for you to step out of this room and pretend you never saw me. Then I will leave.'

'You have to leave now. Please,' she breathed, one last time. Ivan held their gaze, and finally her eyes dropped.

'Thank you.'

'Don't thank me,' she said quietly. She looked back when she closed the door, but Ivan didn't look up. He opened the drawer again, thumbed back to the Bs, and withdrew his name.

His folder was conspicuously thin. The hard copies were to record histories of information that could not be tampered with, and he had history. Much of it. So why was his barely a few sheets of paper?

He scanned them, taking in information about his Earthly origins and life up to very recently, looking for that red mark that would mean he was on death row. Nothing. But he could have missed it, and panic was insisting he had to run, so foolishly, foolishly, he slid the folder inside his coat, shut the drawer, and left.

The guards and few people in the department were still asleep. Nobody to appear and apprehend him. A question tickled the corners of his mind, but he pushed it away, pushed the door open, and the hallway stretched out before him. He walked along it, then faster and faster.

His breath came hard and fast. He could hear his machinery whir in his chest, and something demanded he return to Yao.

 **0o0o0o**

 **But we can try, at least.**

 ** _:: Birds with wings outspread, alighting in almost slow motion_**


	13. Chapter 13

**I wonder if it's easier to shoot a particular scene in a movie than write that same scene in a book. Is foreshadowing easier? Cameos?**

 **0o0o0o**

When Yao got to the observatory, the Russian leader was already there. He was writing on a device, leaning casually against the wall. He looked up when Yao came in. Yao tried to look nonchalant, to avoid the man's gaze and simply keep an eye on him. If he appeared to start to leave, Yao reassured himself, then and only then would he intervene. Otherwise, he'd go through the paces of a rudimentary check on gravity wells, foreign objects, and temperatures.

He set about scanning and recording, the motions so familiar they were automatic. He quietly thanked his former self for insisting on handling the observatory himself. He could run the more delicate tests without his advisors' help.

In the corner of his eye, he could see the Russian leader, who was still watching him as a bird of prey might a particularly interesting quarry. He had watched Ivan like this back when they didn't trust so easily, always wary, always keeping back to where Ivan's blue eyes weren't quite as intense. However, Ivan had always only ever watched him with deep interest, not this casual attention.

Yao missed how Ivan looked at him. He pushed the feeling away. He had to focus.

'Nobleman Yao.'

Yao took a secret deep breath before meeting the leader's blue eyes, trying to appear unruffled. 'Hello. I realize we haven't talked much.'

'I have been busy, yes. And I expect you have been, too.' The man laughed, the motion practiced, and ran a hand through his dark hair. 'With your ambassador.' Yao's brain supplied images of heated skin and soft breaths and Ivan's voice in his ear. He could feel his chest grow warm.

'Natalya,' he managed. 'She's been very helpful. Thank you.'

'Helpful, yes. I hope so.' The man fell silent again, scrutinizing every inch of Yao's face.

Yao returned to his tests, mind too occupied with Ivan to really think of what he was doing.

'You've already scanned that area,' the voice behind him suggested softly. Yao refused to meet his eyes and subject himself to his raptor's gaze again.

'My apologies. I have been distracted ever since my brother's passing,' he said delicately. The man behind him laughed apologetically.

'Anyone would be. It's a terrible tragedy.' Yao could hear the rustle of his clothes. 'Nobleman Yao, have you ever thought what will happen if we do not cure the virus before the Second generations turn into the Third?'

Yao stilled, distractedly closing the scans again. 'I do not normally dwell on such matters.'

'And yet that is our duty as leaders.' The man was nearly beside him now, and yet Yao could feel none of the heat that Ivan brought. He wondered if it was because of the machinery and found he didn't care. All that mattered was that it, he was not here.

'We are young,' Yao said. The man beside him shook his head gravely.

'Not that young.'

'What would you intend to do?'

A flash of teeth, a curling dread in Yao's stomach that replaced the flushed heat from before. 'I'm sure you've heard your advisors suggest it. Quarantine?'

'We already quarantine anybody who's affected.'

'You allow anybody to see them. Even with the masks, people could be affected. Especially in later stages.'

Yao internally berated himself for allowing the conversation to turn this way, but at the very least, Ivan's leader was distracted. Then the reality of what the man had said sunk in.

'You would ban the deathbed visits?'

'If it cured the virus.'

'The virus has always been a death sentence. It is a comfort to be able to speak with them.'

'There are still video calls,' the man added. Yao shook his head.

'It's not the same. My little brother!' he exclaimed, knowing his voice was too loud and not being able to lower it. 'If I hadn't been able to see him, I-'

'Wouldn't have been able to kill him with the machinery.'

Yao fell silent.

'Your protege did a good job of covering it up. Did you think of how nobody seemed to mention in what state Leon died?' Without pausing for an answer, he leaned closer. 'The story getting out would certainly remove your power, and ban your protege from ever taking your position. But I feel like the guilt is enough, Yao.'

The room was cold. Utterly devoid of Ivan's warmth, cold as the endless space surrounding them.

'Leon's ghost has no power over me,' Yao growled. 'Release the story. See who believes you.' The man's eyes were blue, too, but galaxies different than Ivan's. He did not retort again, just watched.

'We would need funds for the quarantine,' he said softly. Another flare of anger in Yao's chest. Of course. The quarantine didn't matter.

'I will not strip any family of an opportunity to say goodbye.'

'Would you want to say goodbye to Braginsky?' the man questioned. Yao went cold until he swore his breath would condense in the air.

'What are you saying?'

'He should be coming back from the files room now,' he said, looking at the clock for his device. 'You should go meet him.'

Panic, fear, rage. Who? Natalya? It had to be her; molten rage ignited him again-

'Not Natalya,' the man said softly. Yao grasped for answers, casting frantically, frantically, the world barely held together until he remembered something that sent a hot knife ripping through the fragile seams.

 _Kiku, pushing his paperwork to the side, returning a heavy book at the bottom to the shelf with a frown_.

The man's answering smile told him everything. The listening device that had been pushed aside in the scorched aftermath of Leon's death. The paperwork piling up on his desk, obscuring the book that had been removed in time for Yao to put everyone he cared about in danger.

Ivan _was_ in danger, he thought dizzily.

'If you really want to know, Natalya guessed you'd call her. She sent you here for me to offer you his deal.' With a light laugh no longer court-mandated, he walked away, leaving Yao alone and cold, cold as the endless space outside.

'Please.'

'Go meet Ivan, nobleman Yao,' the man urged gently. 'And do not tell him what has happened.'

Yao ran.

0o0o0o

Ivan turned a corner and found Yao rushing towards him.

'Yao?'

Yao slowed to a stumbling walk before him, eyes scrutinizing his face. Then he collapsed into Ivan's embrace, releasing a ragged breath against his soft coat.

'You made it.'

'I'm safe,' he agreed, pushing Yao's hair out of his face. His amber eyes were dark and troubled. 'What's wrong?'

'What was in the files? Are you-are you on death row?'

'I do not think so, but I could have missed it,' Ivan said, pulling the folder from his coat. Yao raised an eyebrow at him before pushing at his hands.

'Back to my-to your rooms. This is too exposed.'

'Of course.'

When they got there, Ivan set down the folder and ran a hand through Yao's ponytail. After a moment of hesitation, the slighter man relaxed into it, and he began to slide off the elastic.

'What are you doing?'

'Hold still.'

Ivan bent closer to secure the tie and whispered 'Thank you for distracting him.'

Yao turned towards him, one coppery eye sharply outlined in his dark profile. Something dark and sad welled in his eyes, and he pulled Ivan closer to press their mouths together.

When they broke apart, the darkness still held in his eyes. Ivan traced a hand on his cheek, but Yao reached for the folder. He flipped it open. Ivan didn't stop him. It felt oddly intimate but surreal, with this sharp, beautiful man holding his entire history in his hands.

'How did you get to this?' he asked quietly.

'I drugged the guards with gas. It also affected everyone inside.'

Yao kept looking through the file, but something hummed at the back of Ivan's mind. He repeated the words, replayed the scene of what had happened-

His sister. Katyusha, how she hadn't been affected-or hadn't been fazed by the sleeping workers and guards. Her odd warning to leave, all swept away in the adrenaline of running away.

'Ivan,' Yao insisted. He looked down. Yao grimaced up at him with a wince. 'Please let go.'

'Katyusha,' he breathed. She had been sent, perhaps by his leader, to warn him away. And yet he hadn't left then. What if he had? But how did his leader know he would be there?

'Ivan!' Yao demanded. 'Let me go!'

Like rising from a daze, he let go, and Yao moved his shoulder cautiously, glaring at him. 'What was that for, Ivan?'

Yao glaring at him, Yao hurt by his hands. The sight horrified him, made his stomach turn to acid.

'I'm sorry,' he said. His thoughts were too jumbled to figure out anything, and now worry and fear threaded inside the rhythm. 'I'm sorry.'

'It's fine.' Yao held him gently, like Ivan might break. When really, he was the fragile one, spiny and holding secrets like sunflower buds hold summer in their petals. 'What did you think of?' Ivan gazed at him and something inside whispered to keep Yao just a little bit less worried for a little bit longer, that he'd tell in the morning.

'That you look sad.'

'Hmm.' Yao absentmindedly ran a hand through his hair. 'I guess I am.'

This time, Ivan was the one who initiated their kiss with a whisper of ' _Could I heal that?_ '

Yao let him trace patterns like dragon tails along his arms and laughed, said ' _Please_.'

The darkness in his eyes was still there, but the more Yao fell into him, the more Ivan ran his hands over the planes of his body, the less it was visible. He was cold, cold as space, Ivan thought before he was able to bring Yao back to himself, to his warmth and fire and brightness.

Yao gave himself over to Ivan, let him pull away the veils, cut away the guards, to alight embers in his chest. The warning from before echoed in his mind, in every place where there was space between them, and so Yao pressed closer to him, prayed and wished and hoped that no matter what the forces neither of them could control decided, Ivan's humming breaths would continue.

He was the leader of the Middle fleet. Surely he could save one person. Surely, no matter how many times he'd failed saving before.

0o0o0o

Natalya was awake again. This was nothing new. Normally, it would have been because she was at her desk, or called out for a meeting, or reading. It had been years since she was awake for this reason. Simply, her mind would not let her sleep, and lying awake doing nothing was wasting time that could never be recovered in the court.

But nonetheless, Natalya was awake. Guilty, sides rubbed raw from shifting to try to find comfort, staring up at the ceiling. Her mind replayed her conversation with Yao. Maybe she should have warned him.

And her brother. He was almost certainly on death row now, and the thought made her stomach twist. Perhaps from jealousy, perhaps from convenience. Not for any particular reason, she guessed, which made it all the worse.

What's done was done, she tried to justify. The nobleman and the ambassador-former ambassador-had made their choices and she had made hers.

But the guilt wouldn't let her go, pushed her out of bed until her feet were hurting cold against the floor, reaching for the device on her table. Perhaps she could fix something. If she gave them a chance, god knew Yao was clever enough to find a way. Their conversation repeated in her head, but this time, it held a touch of hope. Maybe. Maybe she could fix things.

 _Not for nothing._

 _Never for nothing_.

Perhaps the debt could be repaid by saving her brother.

She picked up the device and dialed.

 **0o0o0o**

 **I feel like books are more sudden and real and sharp when they need and want to draw all of your attention to the way one character reacts and lives and thinks. There is much less of a 'passing mention' in words. I like that.**

 ** _:: Waking up slowly, peacefully, warm and hovering just on the edge of falling back asleep_**


	14. Chapter 14

**Do you ever think about how if something as simple as lighting was different as you write, something could have gone differently? A character's fate, a foreshadow, a new plan-lost to...where?**

 **0o0o0o**

Yao slept fitfully. Ivan had seen him asleep enough to know that. It wasn't that he moved or groaned or woke often, it was simply that his face twisted and he mouthed pained words. Ivan had caught him whispering apologies more than once. It made his chest feel tight.

And so he always woke Yao, just a brush of his hand on the nobleman's neck and Yao would rouse. He always drew back before he realized. He tried to convince himself that he saved Yao from the bad dreams, but he wouldn't always be there to wake Yao up, and experience said that dreams always came back.

'Ivan…' Yao's eyes fluttered open. 'What time is it?'

'Early.' If he was still an ambassador, he could have expected a meeting in an hour or less. He pushed the thought away and toyed with a strand of Yao's hair. 'You should get up.'

'I don't want to,' Yao said. He sounded exhausted and pained. Ivan looked at him, at how vulnerable he seemed.

'Come closer, Yao,' he directed. The slighter man obliged him, and he reached for a comb and gently worked through the tangles. When his hair was shining smooth, Ivan tied it back with the elastic and made Yao look him in the eye. 'You have to.'

'I do have my duties,' Yao admitted with a ghost of a smile. It was too heavy to be honest, and finally it slipped from his face. 'What are we going to do, Ivan?'

The helplessness in his voice hurt Ivan. He wanted to say he didn't know, to let someone else decide things so the weight of the consequences would for once fall to someone else. But he had his duties to the man he loved as much as that man had his to a fleet.

'I will keep the file here,' he decided. 'That way, if it is found, you won't look to be involved.'

The question again of how his sister was sent, how his leader knew echoed through his mind, but he pushed it back. Later. In the paperwork of his desk, the job he'd been regulated to, there he could wonder.

Yao tried to laugh. It came out too slanted and sharp. 'I can take it.'

'No, Yao,' he said firmly. Yao's eyes met his for a second before dropping.

'If you want, Ivan.'

They sat there until Yao hauled himself upright with a low groan.

'I know I have a speech today,' he said distractedly. 'Kiku knows the rest. I can't think straight.'

Ivan rubbed a hand over his back, and Yao laced his fingers in that hand and turned to kiss him, insistent and demanding. He let it happen.

Yao sat back, eyes hungry on every inch of him, hands curled tight in his scarf. At a touch, he met Ivan's eyes, and his body sagged.

'Have you heard of the proverb 'one day, three autumns'?' he asked softly. Ivan shook his head. Yao closed his eyes. 'It means you miss someone so much, a single day feels like three years when you are apart.'

He opened his eyes. Ivan thought he looked old, ancient, weary. He didn't resist when Ivan kissed him again, and when they broke apart, Yao left with barely a glance back.

0o0o0o

Yao pulled his device from his pocket and pressed the command for 'LAST NUMBER'.

'You said he knows.'

'He does. The aim now will be to take the target off my brother's back.' Natalya's voice held a warning note. Yao laughed tiredly.

'I thought you didn't care about your brother.'

'I've been trying not to,' she said shortly. 'Before I became a commander, we were very close. Now, we are less so. I still care for him, however dangerous it is to.'

'Loving Ivan is a double-edged sword,' Yao said with a shadowed smile. Natalya almost laughed.

'I tried so hard to stop caring for him.'

'You make a good show of not caring,' he said, too tired to think about it. 'Next time, could you call me at a more convenient hour?'

'It was a very private hour,' she said sharply. Yao pulled at his rumpled sleeve, wondering how best to phrase it.

'It almost woke Ivan.'

She was silent for a long while after. Yao took the opportunity to slip through the gates between their fleets, secret departure aided by the young soldier with a new handful of bills.

He walked briskly and pressed the device back to his ear.

'-and if he does you need to be careful that-'

'Sorry, repeat everything since you paused,' he directed, distracted by his keys.

'You need to warn him that he cannot reveal that he knows he might be safe. Also, Yao.' She shifted, the rustle sounded staticy. 'If you have the folder, you need to ensure his fingerprints are off it, both literally and figuratively. And if he does, you need to be careful that it seems harmless that he did so.'

'What?'

'The more involved with you he is, the more in danger he is,' she enunciated slowly. 'Our leader doesn't care about him. He cares about you, and even though he will...will dispose of Ivan if he is in the way, you can keep him safe by-'

'Don't,' Yao whispered. The door clicked behind him.

'Yao-'

He saw the letter on his desk and his hands were on it in a second, but Ivan's warning that he could not destroy it echoed through his mind maddeningly-he wanted to destroy it!-and he forced himself to shove it deep in the garbage, to bury it and all its threats to what he cared for underneath weight and padding. A choked, burning sound escaped him.

'Yao!'

He stopped, device still clutched to ear, and heard the soft keening sound that must be from him. Crying.

'Don't say it,' he begged. Natalya hesitated.

'Do you know what I am telling you?'

'Yes,' he whispered. 'Please, just don't say it.'

She paused. 'Yao, if you continually put him in danger like this-'

'-I know,' he breathed-

'-I will stop you from doing it.'

The warning hung in the air, his 'ally' again with a threat, and he ached for Kiku.

'I know,' he said quietly. Natalya ended the call.

0o0o0o

Kiku had the itinerary of the day in his hand before Yao spoke a single word. He knew his teacher too well. Better than Yao knew himself, he sometimes thought.

'Kiku, I have a speech today, don't I?' he asked. He sounded exhausted.

'Yes. Are you going to be delivering it sounding like that?' he asked. Yao chuckled.

'I might have to.' The momentary lightness left his voice. 'There's things in the cupboards. Don't worry.'

'I'm not worried about your ability to help yourself, I'm worried whether you will.' Kiku frowned down at the timetable. 'I'll be at your rooms shortly. We can go over the day together, and I'll make you tea.'

'Thank you, Kiku.' The younger was about to hang up when Yao spoke again. 'I don't thank you enough. I'm sorry for that.'

Kiku's throat felt funny, and he pressed his lips together, not trusting his voice. 'It is okay.'

'It's really not.' Yao sighed, almost laughing. 'Thank you, Kiku,' he said again, and ended the call.

Kiku swept his papers for the day into a pile. It would be unlikely he would have time to go back to his rooms after he was done talking with Yao.

0o0o0o

Yao looked worse than he sounded. When Kiku came in, he managed a weak laugh.

'Don't worry about me,' he assured. Kiku offered a wan smile and set to making tea.

'The only major event today is the speech, but you also have a few minor meetings one-on-one with some officials. It shouldn't be anything major,' he said, focusing on letting the tea steep.

Yao nodded and sank deeper into his chair. 'When's the speech?'

'Two hours.' Kiku glanced at the clock in the wall. 'One and a half.'

Yao winced as he reached over to his desk and ruffled through papers until he found a copy.

'You have memorized it, Yao?' Kiku asked. Yao finally laughed.

'I did. I at least did that,' he joked. Kiku looked worried and apologetic, and Yao waved him down. 'It's just been a bad week,' he confessed quietly, any trace of his good mood gone. 'I don't know if I'll ever get over it.'

'I wonder the same thing,' Kiku said, handing him a cup of tea. Yao closed his eyes and breathed in the scent. 'I don't think we ever will. Nor will his parents.'

'Or Emil.'

Kiku frowned. 'Emil?'

'He loved him,' Yao said softly, staring past Kiku to the dark window, speckled with stars. Kiku nodded, trying to accommodate the world to that.

'I-I did not know.'

'Me either, until I saw it in his eyes at the funeral,' Yao said simply, and drained his tea.

Kiku ended up at his rooms again after that.

0o0o0o

Yao could hear every pulse of his heart in the back of his skull. It was always like this before a speech-he loathed the things-but he knew it would all fall away onstage. That, or he would.

Kiku met his eyes and nodded, eyes betraying his worries. Yao nodded back and then someone was calling him up, and the hot stage lights were on him and if he looked high enough, he couldn't see the people, not even those in the front row.

'I am here to talk about alliances,' he said. The people waited, breath bated. He looked at them, at the ones in the first row and the ones he could not see for the lights. 'I am here to talk about an alliance that does not deal in war nor does it deal in the diplomacies of peace. This alliance has no sides, for we are fighting a common enemy. The coughing virus.'

Everything was silent. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Kiku looking proud, looking alight and alive for the first time in so long. It made him strong. He raised his head, called to the back, called every voice of these people he lead.

'I intend to eradicate this virus. There will be no way to erase completely the scars of the wars. They will be mankind's reminder to do better, to never again break the rules that make us more than beasts.'

'Yao.' The warning in his headset that he was not supposed to say that, that he was deviating from the words on paper, but new ones spilled off his tongue fast as water and sweet as honey.

Kiku's image turned to Leon, talking, asking questions. He hurt because of it.

'But we can rise above the ashes. We have done so in starships. We can do so again.'

The crowd was waiting, humming. He was attuned to them, to their souls and hearts and voices. This is what it was to be their leader, he thought dizzily. This is what it meant to live for them. He regretted none of the pains. It was all worth it for this, for them.

Leon, laughing. Leon, alive.

His headset was beeping constant warnings now, and he shouted the last words with a fury before he heard the mic click off.

'I am not the one who will bring us back from the edge. You are. For you are the people and I am your mouthpiece, because we are the ones that will remake and rebuild and relive. We will be able to try again and this time, we will do better!'

The crowd exploded into cheers, reverberating through his chest and his heart and deep in his bones. He was alive, so alive, the world shone bright and loud and he loved his people so fiercely he thought he might shatter from it. The roar of the crowd took his breath away, made his chest crush tight and tighter, made the world swirl-

-Kiku shouting, the ceiling tipping slowly, slowly down-

Yao Wang collapsed, and the world went dark and silent.

 **0o0o0o**

 **Where do the ideas you leave behind go? Where do the ones you choose in split-second decisions come from? I think it's the same place.**

 ** _:: Streetlights and car headlights shining through windows and slanting like sunlight against walls at three AM_**


	15. Chapter 15

**I put cameos in my writing that I expect go unnoticed. Cameos for myself.**

 **0o0o0o**

Yao drifted, numb and silent, towards a brighter world. It was loud, the brightness, and rough, and it made everything hurt. But there was a gentle hand on his, and as he drifted upwards he thought _Ivan_.

When he opened his eyes, Kiku was there instead, and the sight banished Ivan from his mind for precious little time.

'Yao,' he said, sounding both too young and too old. Around them, Yao caught snatches of words, of people yelling at them, at people trying to explain. The lights were too hot, excitement, blood sugar, bad food. He'd heard all the excuses before. He was tired, and weary, and he hurt. He wanted to leave with Kiku, or leave and find Ivan, and have one of them assure him of things he couldn't himself. Of course, he didn't get that luxury. He was a fleet leader, and fleet leaders didn't get to run away.

'Sorry,' he said. Kiku shook his head.

'It wasn't your fault.'

'Do they know what caused my…' Yao gestured, and tried to sit up. Someone gently pushed him back down.

'Sorry, sir. They say you shouldn't overexert yourself.'

Yao recognized the voice. When he looked up, he met the eyes of the nurse Leon had been with. Tino, wasn't it? As if in confirmation, Tino nodded and offered him a small smile.

'Not really. The tests showed nothing abnormal. It seems it was just overexcitement,' Kiku said.

'Good. I suppose.' This time, when Yao pushed himself back up, Tino let him. 'Does that mean I'm free to leave?'

'I think they'd rather keep you here for a while,' Tino interjected apologetically. 'Though I'm not sure.' His brow was furrowed in what seemed graver concern than Yao's faint warranted. He shifted from foot to foot, glancing around furtively.

'Tino, c'n you move?' A taller doctor moved in. Yao craned his neck to meet his steely blue eyes. 'I'm D'ctor Oxenstierna,' he mumbled. 'They say y'r abl' to leave now.' He grunted. 'M're for PR than anyth'ng.'

'Because it sounds bad if you're sick, and they've got enough in their hands trying to explain the event alone. Don't tell anyone I said that,' Tino rambled.

'I won't,' Kiku assured him with half a smile.

'Thanks, Kiku. Thank you, Berwald,' Tino said with the first real smile Yao had seen. The tall doctor's face softened marginally, and he nodded and moved out of earshot.

Tino knelt down.

'Tino?'

'I'm sorry,' he said quietly. Yao stared at him, thrown by the change in his eyes. Haunted. It brought back bad memories he'd tried too hard to repress, and they swelled in his throat and clouded his eyes. Those eyes spoke of too much, of pain and nightmares and gnawing, gnawing guilt.

'I know,' he whispered. Kiku's hand tightened on his.

'For Leon.' Tino stared at the ground. 'He was a good boy.' Yao met his eyes, blue with something shattered near their core. 'And a good friend.'

'I know.'

Tino's eyes fluttered, and he bowed his head.

0o0o0o

A battery of medical test sheets balanced in his arms, an uneasiness settled in his stomach, and too many meetings to decide how his faint would be explained away. Kiku had left him after he'd strode out of the medical bay unassisted with a promise to check up on him later, and now Yao walked along the winding hallways of his starships with only his thoughts to distract him.

A few words worried at his heart. Dark words with frightening shapes and long shadows. He pushed them away, but they drew closer and closer through his attempts to banish them until they consumed him, took up every space in his fearful heart and rooted deep inside.

Coughing virus.

What if he'd caught it? From Leon, from someone else in the bay-no, impossible, he thought with more than a hint of bitterness, the Russian leader had ensured that. The bill only awaited confirmation. But the words cast their shadows over him still.

He walked faster, mind whirring, furious and helpless, dizzy and mind going to revenge on the leader or a strike against someone to raise his publicity again. He scrabbled for his device and pressed Kiku's number.

'What are my publicity ratings?'

Kiku paused. 'Lower than before.'

'What do we do to raise them?'

'I don't think there's anything we can do-'

'We have to,' he snapped. Kiku didn't respond for a long moment.

'You've been stressed lately,' he said quietly. Yao frowned impatiently.

'What can we do, Kiku?' Yao demanded. This time, he didn't respond at all. 'Kiku!'

'I'll see,' Kiku said, and disconnected. Yao pulled the device away from his ear with a scowl and punched in Ivan's number instead.

'Meet me. My rooms,' he said.

'Yao, wait.'

Yao frowned, but paused. 'What?'

'Are you okay?'

The words broke Yao's haze. He felt like he was rising out of the world of painkillers again, in the hospital bed.

'I'm-I'm sorry,' he breathed. Ivan hummed, voice heavy.

'I will be there soon, okay.'

0o0o0o

When Ivan got there, Yao was slumped on his bed.

'I yelled at Kiku,' he said defeatedly. Ivan sat down next to him, and Yao leaned into his hands in his hair. He sat there silently, eyes conflicted for the longest of seconds, then grabbed for his device, punching buttons, and waited. The tone rang once, twice, thrice. Nothing, and Yao bit off a sob and tried again, again until Kiku picked up silently.

'I'm sorry,' Yao said. The words spilled out of him like the speech, making his heart thrum and pain. 'I'm sorry. I realize what I've been doing these last few days, and I'm-I'm so sorry.'

'Yao,' Kiku said quietly. Yao could practically hear his pain. 'Later, okay?'

'Kiku-'

'Yao, I know. But later.'

'Okay,' he said softly, and Kiku disconnected again. Yao slumped against him, eyes drained and dull.

'He said 'later',' he said. Ivan nodded.

'You can worry later. Are you okay?'

'I'm fine,' Yao assured him. 'Really.' He still seemed preoccupied.

'What happened?' Ivan pressed. Yao gave him a look.

'I fainted. Onstage. While giving a speech.'

'I heard you had started to deviate from the script,' Ivan said, a pit starting to grow horribly in his stomach. 'What were you feeling while you were speaking?'

'Excited. Alive. Dizzy,' Yao listed. 'What does this have to do with anything?'

Ivan looked into his eyes, harder now and yet still the copper he'd fallen in love with.

'Nothing,' he lied.

They lay there for the precious little time Yao has before his first meeting, hands tangled in scarves and in hair. Ivan's mind hummed with worry and all the pieces he couldn't put together, and tried to lose the shadows in Yao's brightness.

0o0o0o

The first meeting with his advisors was as awkward as Yao thought it pointless. Kiku sat to his right, as per usual, and stared at the table. Yao fielded questions about how he wanted it handled alone.

'There will be no mention of the coughing virus,' he commanded. 'Not even to reassure that I do not have it. Excitement. Excitement is what happened.' He paused, sweeping the table with his gaze. It caught on Kiku, and he pulled away before he could voice the thousand apologies waiting on his lips.

'As you wish,' someone said. The sound of tapping filled the room. Yao pressed his lips together. He may have been young, but not young enough to ignore the question hovering in every glance, every breath. Yao cleared his throat and pushed his chair back. The tapping stopped. Yao looked down. Kiku was finally looking at him. He met his eyes.

'I do not have the coughing virus,' he said again, loudly. They said nothing more until he was allowed to leave, but he assured himself Kiku's eyes had flickered with relief for even half a second.

0o0o0o

Next was the meeting with the Russian ambassadors, Natalya cold by his side. That was the main difference between them, he thought idly, spinning his pen. Natalya was icy and Ivan was warm underneath the scarf and the metal.

'What happened?' Natalya asked him. He nodded at the rest and delivered his not-quite lie perfectly.

'Excitement. The emotion of both the crowd and I caused an unfortunate health complication. The doctors are assured there will be no short-term, long-term, or lasting effects.'

This time, they glanced at each other for a second before the tapping began again. He wasn't sure if it was good or not.

Beside him, Natalya stared into her device for a long moment before deliberately tapping out a short sentence. Consumed by curiosity, Yao surreptitiously adjusted his chair as he checked his own device, and spotted just a few words. It was a message.

 _Confirmed unsuspicious. Will employ_

He sat back in fear. Natalya closed the device.

0o0o0o

'You said 'later',' Yao said humourlessly. Kiku nodded, hands twisted in his robes. The silence stretched and Yao wore a broken look and whispered apologies again.

'It's okay.'

'Is it?' Yao sat back hard, head snapping towards the ceiling. 'I don't know what I'm doing,' he confessed softly. 'I'm scared.'

Kiku reached for him and Yao collapsed, soft broken sounds and a lifetime of not knowing. Kiku felt anger begin it's forge in his stomach, not at Yao but at all the fate that had led them here. He used to be the one who had to be comforted, but those times were a lifetime ago.

'So you forgive me?' Yao asked, sounding like a child.

'Always,' Kiku promised, for it was a promise. He would forgive Yao anything.

'Thank you,' the elder breathed, and sunk further into his arms. When he pulled back, he winced.

'Yao?'

'Sorry. I always seem to hurt nowadays,' he said with a quick, watery smile. Kiku frowned, and Yao laughed. 'Sharp and quick pains. They leave quickly. Don't worry.'

Kiku nodded to stop the worried cast to his teacher's eyes and offered him a piece of paper. 'I found some PR things that have worked in the past.'

'You didn't have to,' Yao said, his mouth quirking to a half smile. Kiku shook his head. Yao read through the options. 'How about I go with another speech?'

'That might be a bad idea,' Kiku started. Yao shrugged.

'Listen, if I faint another time, we can blame the lights and some obscure medical condition I magically contracted and I won't have to make up this 'excitement' stuff.' He grinned, and for the first time Kiku could remember in too long, he smiled back.

'Now.' Yao jumped up and motioned to his old-style chalkboard. He'd always insisted on keeping it no matter how much of the powdery chalks Kiku has to brush off his silks before he entered a room. 'What should I say in the speech?'

'Don't make it casual,' Kiku warned. Yao gave him a look. 'It will seem like you don't take it seriously.'

'Just a formal address about how the faint was nothing to worry about and I got overexcited. A nod to their enthusiasm.' Yao wrote it down. 'Anything else?'

'How you do not have the coughing virus,' Kiku said. Yao's face tightened, and he nodded.

0o0o0o

A bottle sat on the desk between them. Natalya watched it, absorbed into the stillness.

'You said Nobleman Yao found nothing strange about it?' her leader asked. Natalya shook her head.

'His doctors could have found something and not revealed it,' she pointed out. Her leader tapped his lips with a pen and a laugh.

'Ivan doesn't go to doctors.'

 **0o0o0o**

 **I wonder why.**

 ** _:: The sound at night that is wind or faraway cars, one and the same_**


	16. Chapter 16

**Where do these words come from?**

 **0o0o0o**

'It cannot be tracked?'

'The blame will fall solely to me,' Kiku assured. Emil's pale eyes shone in the semi-darkness. He looked too young to be working in this space of last breaths.

'Promise me.'

'I promise,' Kiku said instantly. Emil shook his head.

'Promise you'll...do something for Leon. For those after him.' He pressed the printed results into Kiku's hand, eyes desperate. 'Promise me, ambassador. With all your power and influence, with your words in the leader's ear. Promise me. For Leon.'

'I promise. For Leon,' Kiku echoed. Emil nodded, once, and let go of the papers. Kiku unrolled them, flattened the old folds. Precious, more precious than gold. These would save Yao.

The flash of a camera illuminated the bay for a second. He pressed numbers, fingers pausing over the last digit of Ivan's number. No. He erased it with shaking hands and pressed a new number, sending pictures, sending instructions. The message came back.

 _Kiku? What are you doing?_

 _You must tell Yao_.

He didn't wait for a response. He took one last look at the pictures of the results, shining dangerously on his device. There was no saving him now, he though with a twist of his lip. Condemnation. He'd take it.

He wrapped the heel of his hand in his silks and pressed down. The device cracked with a sound like bones.

0o0o0o

It was silent in the Middle fleet. Kiku did not stop to appreciate the soaring ceilings or the way his footsteps were swallowed up by the hallways in the darkness. His heart raced.

Yao was different, angrier, rasher, and the faint had increased this...difference. It was not natural.

He walked on quiet feet until he passed the dark border, and then proceeded towards the door he'd memorized. One knock, so quiet he almost thought he could not wake the person inside. He was readying for a second when the door swung silently open, and he gazed up into blue eyes.

'Ambassador Kiku. What may I do for you at this hour?' the man asked. Kiku bowed his head.

'I've come to compare medical results.'

'The medical bay is that way,' he said. Kiku shook his head.

'It is of a delicate matter.'

'Hmm.' The man's eyes glinted in the gloom. 'Come in, then.'

'Thank you, but it will be quick.' Kiku stood in the doorway and pulled out the papers on Yao's tests after his faint.

The Russian leader's eyes flashed, and he laughed, loud and louder. 'Clever.'

0o0o0o

' _Be careful_.'

The words hummed around him, and Yao swatted then away like flies. He was careful. He had always been careful. There was only so _careful_ you could be when you led a fleet. This was the time for rash decisions to prove he-and his fleet!-were not weak.

Yao swept his papers into a pile. He had meetings he had missed, rescheduled. The new speech. And a private conference with the Russian leader. He scowled at it. It had been booked just yesterday, and experience said that was a bad sign. Nothing good came out of last-minute meetings.

Nothing good came from funerals planned in days. Nothing good came of the missive for the plaque on the wall to read barely sixteen years.

Yao released the papers and tried to smooth the creases. His head hurt. He'd have to pick something up for that. The teas weren't working. Nothing was working. His head throbbed, and the pained gasp he'd been holding back escaped as he collapsed onto his desk. Too much was happening and he couldn't even save who he loved.

May the stars come together for him.

0o0o0o

He dozed through the meetings, scribbling missives underneath the table. More funding for the cures that didn't work. More space for the people he couldn't cure. More people dying under his hand. More, more, more, and he was stretched to his limit. Kiku never showed up to the meetings nor called him, and Yao was too tired and too worried to wonder where he was.

How many ashes, he wondered, had they put into space?

The thought hurt too much to keep. He pushed it out of his mind.

'Nobleman Yao.'

'Ambassador Natalya,' he acknowledged, flipping over the page of his latest directive. Namely, not to give the Russian leader more control over the finances. Preoccupiedly, he remembered the message he'd seen Natalya write, and wondered laughably how to bring it up. _Are you planning to kill me, Natalya? Have you already?_ The last thought scratched at him, but he ignored it.

'First, your device is ringing,' she said. Yao nodded, jotting down a final line in writing almost too messy to be legible, and picked up his device. Kiku's number.

'Hello, Kiku,' he said, turning back to the next pointless message about the lack of space for the new quarantine.

'Ciao! Are you Yao? Nobleman Yao. You need to act inconspicuous.'

Yao nearly dropped his device. This was not Kiku. He almost demanded to know who it was. He settled for, 'Are you sick? You sound different.'

The man laughed. 'Oh, I'm Feliciano. But that doesn't matter. Kiku has things to tell you.'

'Okay,' he said, completely baffled. Natalya watched silently.

'It's just that his device is kind of not working right now, and-' When he stopped, Yao caught a snatch of shouting from behind him, and his memory finally supplied where he'd heard Feliciano's voice before. Kiku's informant from the Axis.

'Yes?'

'You didn't faint from excitement,' Feliciano said quietly. Yao barely stopped himself from responding, humming noncommittally. Feliciano laughed half heartedly. 'You can't respond. You were drugged.'

Yao's pulse jumped.

'Sorry?' he said pleasantly, trying to keep himself together. His mind raced.

'I can't explain everything now. It is messing with your heart. Have you felt pains when your heart is going fast? Do you know when you were drugged? Because it's going to keep getting worse.'

Yao was floating, stunned and dizzy and stranded. His heart, his faint, _how?_ When could he have been exposed? He rewound his life back through meetings and speeches, thinking of food, of drinks, of _drinks_ -

And something hit him hard, with astonishment and _fury_ and he gasped. Drinks, lace, impulse decisions and sharp pains. Kiku's voice, _you've been stressed lately_. His humming heart onstage, the dizziness before he fainted.

He looked up, and Natalya's unreadable, pale eyes gazed back at him.

 _Pawns_ , he repeated. _We are all pawns_.

'Yes,' he said, forcing his voice steady. Feliciano was silent for a long moment.

'You need to find out how to cure it,' he whispered shakily. 'Be careful, Nobleman Yao.'

He disconnected, and Yao lowered the device. His world listed sideways. Natalya gazed at him coolly.

'And second?' he asked.

'Your speech.'

Yao did not force the smile. It came and spread across his face, mad and terrified. The smile of a cornered animal.

'I hope I don't faint again,' he said.

Was it a spark in her emotionless eyes?

0o0o0o

Ivan found him in the hall seconds before he stepped out. A hand on his arm, pulling him in for a rough kiss. He smelled of sweat and flowers, always flowers. Yao groaned into it, gripped his flower-metal scarf.

'You ran here,' he said. Ivan gazed down at him. His eyes were seas, warring, stormy, and he held Yao at arms length before crushing their mouths together once again.

'Do you know how much voice you hold over these people?' he whispered, soft and light and childish, breath hot on his neck. His hands were everywhere. 'Your word is salvation or damnation, and you are too reckless of a judge.'

'What are you saying, Ivan?' Yao asked. His eyes were blue, violet, blue, stabbing and taking and stripping Yao away until only his soul remained. The blue of his eyes was endless sky Yao had never seen. God, Earth was a lifetime ago, and he ached for it just as much.

'Be careful,' Ivan said.

He stumbled away when Ivan ran, skin still tingling where warm hands had brushed over it.

0o0o0o

Their cheering was quieter. That was the first thing Yao thought. They watched him, but he saw no smiles, no light. They were scared, and he was the only one who could make them less so.

Ivan was a natural leader, attuned to every ebb and flow of the people he could have commanded if not for the metal in his chest. Yao felt like laughing. Once, a lifetime ago, they had been suspicious of each other. Once, he thought wants of fleets and leaders were set in stone. Once, he had wanted Earth. Once, Ivan had been interested in him.

He'd given up, and Ivan had stayed.

'A few days ago, I was announcing our plans for our alliance with the Russian fleet,' he recited. The words had been drilled into his brain with all the hours he hadn't slept. 'As I was outlining our plans for combating the coughing virus, I collapsed.'

A murmur from the crowd. He felt alone up on the stage, under the bright lights. Before, it was like he was one with his people.

'Please do not worry. This was not a serious trouble. I am not sick.'

A ripple, the words were hidden in an elbow or behind hair, but Yao heard each of them as clearly as if they were being said to him. Coughing virus, coughing virus.

Yao felt the smile, the cornered-animal smile, try to curl onto his face. He did not allow it. The thought that had brought it remained. He could tell them. He could tell them he was drugged and dying and that his heart was in danger. He could, and yet Ivan's words echoed. He could stir them to battle. He could. He could.

He would not.

'The energy of the event and the excitement overcame me. I, Nobleman Yao Wang, apologize to you.' Yao bowed his head. The crowd was silent. His ears rang, and he barely noticed as he was ushered off the stage. He collapsed into a chair and buried his face in his hands. Kiku was nowhere to be seen.

0o0o0o

Yao could barely drag himself to meet with the Russian leader. The thought of the man barely stirred him. He was just tired, exhausted from worry and failure. There was too much.

But he was there, slumped in an armchair, waiting. The Russian leader poured drinks. He took the glass and swirled the red liquid, staring into it, wondering, and nearly drank it all at once.

'Are you well?' the man asked. Yao nodded and managed to stop swirling the glass.

'I was just overly excited. Thank you.'

If it was him that slipped the drugs into the wine, his eyes were as poised and emotionless as before.

'Forgive me, but you do not seem quite as in health as before.' The man leaned forward. 'You look sleepless, and pale. Is there any way I could help you?'

Yao bit back a remark about his drugged body and shook his head. 'I am fine.' The leader nodded, but a smile spread across his face.

'I insist. I can send people to alleviate the workload until you are well.'

Yao met his eyes. The only thing he noticed was how blue they were. How unlike Ivan's they were. He forced himself to nod again, loathing how easily he gave in, and raised the glass to his closed lips.

The leader shifted in his seat, the motion practiced and smooth. Court-mandated.

'You said…' He paused perfectly, just long enough that Yao nodded. 'You said you were not sick.'

'I am not,' Yao confirmed. His stomach sank, caved in in itself, making him nauseous.

'You could have been.' The man's eyes were sharp. Yao breathed in slowly. The seconds stretched. They both knew what was coming, who would agree and who would walk away victorious.

The paper scraped across the table, a rustle that sent jolts of acid through Yao's insides. He didn't have to look at it to confirm it was the quarantine bill.

'For the people.' He sounded sincere. Yao met his eyes and saw no malice, nothing hidden. He didn't know what to think. The scrawl of his hand across the dotted line twisted everything up inside of him.

He took the glass and drained it.

 **0o0o0o**

 **Do I want to find out, or do I like not knowing better?**

 ** _:: A time so familiar you've mapped your emotions when the clock ticks to those numbers_**


	17. Chapter 17

**What happens to writing when the music changes? Subconsciously, at least, some character's fate could have shifted.**

 **0o0o0o**

Yao had described the Russian starships as wintery in colour and ornate in details. Kiku had become accustomed to the delicate curves in the wood as he paced the conference room he'd been left in, reading again and again the papers in his hands.

Security, they'd said. Leakage of information. Protocol. When he'd turned up at the leader's door in the dead of night with papers in his hands and a challenge on his lips, he had sealed whatever decision he had made. He'd chosen condemnation of his future with the pictures permanently saved under his name, the messages flung to the unknown.

Whatever words they used, the message was clear. If he could not prove it was the leader's doing, his last chance of saving Yao from the inevitable _something_ that hovered all about him would be lost. And if he did?

Kiku felt sick at the thought of the decisions he'd have to make if he proved Yao had been drugged. The questions he would have to ask, the ones he was already asking. Why? Was it even by the leader? How? To prove a point? To push a bill? What was the plan?

Was it fatal?

Not now, Kiku decided, wrapping the panic away and setting it aside for later. Later he could lay awake and worry that Yao's heart would keep getting worse and worse and worse.

He hoped Feliciano had passed the message on. Getting the photos from a Roman noble of a battle wing would be too much exposure, too much danger. The information would be safe with him. The leader wouldn't throw everything away for that. Not for Yao.

He hoped. He hoped Yao was just someone to duel and further the fleet's progress.

'I apologize for the treatment, Ambassador Kiku.' The door slid silently shut behind the man. Kiku nodded. The papers in his hands seemed to glow in the pale, soft light. 'You have been here for hours.'

'My escorts have been generous,' Kiku said. 'I know that it is simply protocol.' The leader set down a glass of wine. Kiku's eyes were drawn to it, to the scarlet, so much like Yao's robes. The leader-his, and this one-both seemed far away.

'Where did you get the papers?'

Emil's wide, shining eyes. _Promise me_.

'I downloaded them as the original tests were running. As it is to preserve the privacy, they were all but deleted after Yao had left.'

'Why did you download them?'

Kiku's mouth curled into a smile. 'I felt it was my duty as Nobleman Yao's prodigy.'

'To keep him safe?' the man asked.

'To watch over him,' Kiku amended.

The man rubbed a finger over the lip of his glass. 'It was wrong to invade his privacy.'

'I know. I apologized to him. I had thought the circumstances warranted my caution.'

'So he knows?' the leader asked, staring down into the glass he'd set on the table.

'Yao is aware of my concerns.'

'Then I will call him.' The man stood, blue eyes steady on Kiku's. 'We will find out whether his balances have been tampered with.' Kiku lifted his chin. He was surprised, almost, and his whole body hummed with anticipation. The Russian leader inclined his head, waiting for his agreement. Kiku toyed with the idea of saying no. Perhaps it was a bluff.

'That sounds agreeable,' he said instead. The papers crunched in his hands. He didn't know what to do with them. His plan had fallen short. The sourness of failure threatened to choke him.

The leader made to go. Kiku rose.

'Wait, please.'

'Yes?' The man asked.

'I will take care of Yao. I know how to help him is anything goes wrong,' Kiku announced. He hoped his voice didn't shake. The man watched impassively. 'The finances. I will assist him with them.'

The silence stretched. The Russian leader nodded his agreement coolly. The sourness faded, pushed back just enough to make him bold, to ask again.

'And It would be best if his results were not made public knowledge.' The next words caught in his chest, and he wondered if he was brave enough to voice them. 'Neither of us should know, but his successor is more privy to his life and health than most.'

The leader stared back at him. Kiku's heart thumped inside his chest. He waited.

The leader inclined his head almost too much to be sincere, but it was agreement enough. Kiku had done what he could. It was enough.

They let him go after that. Kiku walked to Yao's rooms, body aching from hunger and stress, and wondered if he'd would have stayed any more hours if he'd said no.

0o0o0o

Yao was barely back after the meeting with the Russian leader when someone knocked on his door.

'Let yourself in, Ivan!' he called, still sprawled out on his bed, still worried and exhausted enough to register three seconds too late that Ivan did not knock like that, and he was off the bed and running to the door, heart pounding, mind racing, glorious relief filling his body.

'Yao, you-'

'Kiku!' he gasped. 'Kiku, god, where have you been?'

'I…' Kiku looked taken aback. His hands twisted in his pockets. 'It is not important.'

'Kiku, you've been gone all day. Nobody could reach you. There was no sign of you. Where were you?' Yao demanded, relief souring to anger. Kiku pressed his lips together.

'I was discussing matters with a few people from the Russian council.'

'And that took all day? I called you!' Yao shouted. He shoved the door shut and pointed Kiku into a chair. 'Where were you? Really?'

'Yao, please calm down,' Kiku said almost pleadingly, hands curling, bunching up his silks. Yao scoffed.

'What were you doing?' he said. Something in the back of his head twitched. He ignored it. Kiku held his gaze for what seemed like ages.

'It concerned these,' he said finally. He reached into his pocket and pulled out papers with heavy creases. Yao held out his hand for them. Kiku offered them slowly.

He smoothed the papers out, barely glancing at them.

'This was important enough to make you disappear for an entire day?'

'Yao,' Kiku insisted, quietly, firmly. The voice broke some sort of haze inside his head. 'Please sit down and look at the papers.'

Almost gingerly, Yao did. The numbers leaped out at him, the graphs and statistics and his _name_ at the top.

'They're your tests after the faint.' Kiku came closer and pointed at a few lines of numbers. 'These are what say you had been drugged.' Yao drank in the images, the paper that seemed precious now. Kiku bent closer. 'Feliciano told you?'

'Yes.' Yao gently folded the papers back up. 'Where do we put this?'

'I'll take it.'

'I can.'

'I promised someone I wouldn't let anyone else get blamed,' Kiku said softly. Yao relinquished the papers, and Kiku slid them back into his pockets with a sort of tenderness.

He straightened back up. Yao nodded to his pocket.

'Why weren't you answering your device?'

'It's...broken,' Kiku confessed. It was too dangerous to keep it after the pictures had been taken. He knew there were people who could pull the images from his device again, no matter how thoroughly he tried to wipe it. He thought of the shy, earnest young man he'd met only once. He had programmed two pieces of machinery, he had written the code for what kept Ivan breathing. Extracting the pictures would be easy.

'We need to know how you got drugged.'

'It was in my wine.'

Kiku jolted, and Yao half-rose from his seat. 'Kiku?'

'Nothing. It's simply that…' He shook his head. 'How did you know?'

'I...don't.' Yao frowned down at his hands. 'But trust me. I don't think it could have come any other way.'

Kiku settled back into his seat, tense. 'Who gave you the wine?'

'Natalya.' He found himself pinching at his collar, and dropped his hands with a laugh. Perhaps her reveal had been to disarm him. Perhaps it was all a joke. Perhaps she was just a pawn like him.

'Ivan was...a better ambassador,' Kiku said. Yao nodded. Kiku gave him a small smile. 'You are barely careful with seeing each other.'

Yao forced a smile, but his pulse jumped. Ivan had been careful to come late at night and behind closed doors, but the threat might not be empty.

He'd almost forgotten, somehow.

'He was,' was all Yao said. Kiku got up to leave. Yao watched him go.

A long time down the hallway towards the observatory Yao had forgotten to do again, Kiku wondered if he should have stayed.

0o0o0o

Ivan set down the letter. Another invitation to the leader's boardroom. He could refuse. He could run away to Yao and burn away the hours in his fast, hot angers. But he wouldn't, because at least he knew that his leader's jealousy would simply damage his machinery when he left. If he ran, he had no idea of the punishment that would happen.

That was the game he played. Predictable or unknown. He'd chosen predictable all the times before. He knew what he would do if he became an ambassador. He knew what would happen after the meetings. He knew what he would face. Yao was not predictable, and now he was not an ambassador and he didn't know what was happening or what to do to fix the falling-apart world and everything was spiraling out of his control.

That was the price he had to pay for loving Yao, he supposed, and shrugged on his coat to leave.

0o0o0o

When Ivan came into the room, it was silent. He sat down and arranged his scarf. He waited for his leader to make the first move, and he did.

'How has your job been treating you?' the man asked. Ivan hummed nonchalantly.

'It is not as interesting as being an ambassador was.'

'You found being an ambassador too interesting,' he said pointedly. Ivan laughed.

'Perhaps.'

The words hovered between them. Ivan waited for the man to tell him that he knew he'd been sneaking out to see Yao, that he knew about the file Ivan had hidden in his floorboard, that he knew everything because Katyusha was his doing.

The anvil hung over him and Ivan waited and waited and waited and somewhere inside of him hoped he could keep Yao out of the fallout.

'Would you like a drink, Ivan?' his leader asked instead. Ivan arranged his scarf again.

'Yes, please.'

The wine was red and he watched it faintly stain the sides of the glass. The colour was of nebulae and silk and Yao. It had been too long since any of those beautiful dangerous things. He suddenly ached for him.

'What did you want to discuss with me?' Ivan asked, dragged his mind away from Yao. His leader watched him intensely over the rim of his glass.

'What do you think is happening in our fleets, Ivan? Ours and the Middle fleet.' He set the glass down with a crisp sound. 'It is important to know what the people think.'

Ivan thought of the paperwork scattered across Yao's desk, the shadows under his eyes and his tired laugh, the cracking look in his eyes when Ivan had kissed him outside the auditorium before he spoke. He wanted to say a mess. He wanted to say chaos and trying to figure things out.

He said, 'I don't know much.'

His leader studied him and said, 'That's unfortunate.'

Ivan shut his eyes from the searching of his gaze and longed again for Yao. Perhaps, perhaps after the meeting was done and he fixed his brokenness and he went back to the observatory again, Yao would be waiting and he could just forget. For an hour or two.

 **0o0o0o**

 **If you remember the lines of a song, do the cameos slip in?**

 ** _:: Catching the strains of a song and writing down the one line of lyrics long after you've forgotten the melody or how the words were sung_**


	18. Chapter 18

**I think I decide things at the same time the characters do. I would apologize for their decisions.**

 **0o0o0o**

'We've had a few problems,' the man said conversationally. 'Have you heard anything from your sister about it?'

'No,' Ivan admitted honestly. 'We do not discuss the fleet much.'

'When you do, what do you talk about?' his leader pressed. 'The alliance? Nobleman Yao?'

His pulse jumped. 'No.'

'You do, though. Don't you.'

Ivan almost scoffed at what he'd thought about this being just the normal meeting where he was pressed for answers he didn't have.

'I am not his ambassador.'

'Hmm.' His leader studied him carefully. 'But that has not stopped you from listening when he panics about you being in danger.'

His heart skipped a beat. Here it was; what all the pointless talk and drink was for. He raised his head.

'It was not Yao.' A plead, his last and futile attempt. But perhaps if he tried, he could keep Yao safer.

His leader said nothing. There was no need to. Ivan stared down into the redness of his glass. More like blood than silk. He could wonder again how his leader knew later, though if it mattered escaped him at the moment.

Ivan wanted to say _you knew_. He wanted to make some hurt better but no matter what he tried to do, it only seemed to get worse and worse and worse.

'Ivan.'

'Yes?' he said dully.

'Be careful.'

He laughed humourlessly. The taste of the wine on his tongue was bitter and heady and like Yao in everything except brightness.

0o0o0o

He held his breath as he walked towards the corner. Should he close his eyes? Should he not run away this time and let himself go? What doctor would take him? Would the Nordic doctor be able to save him?

He made the decision and closed his eyes and stopped. He waited for the voice- _Braginsky_ -that never came.

He opened his eyes slowly. Nobody appeared to punish him for what he had been forced to become. He took a cautious step forward. He held his breath. Nobody. Why?

He would think about it later. Now he would run and try to figure everything out. If he didn't have to think of Yao, maybe he could disappear to the observatory for hours and hours and fall asleep under the nebulae.

0o0o0o

Yao dialed again and again and again, not caring that it could be tracked or what he would say when Ivan finally picked up. He needed to know everything, he needed to know that the wine had drugged him and that Kiku was trying something insane and maybe that Yao needed him not to handle him like glass and not to say goodbye because he could get better.

But Ivan wouldn't pick up and Yao could feel his heart racing and hurting. Another dial. Another. His fingers were numb and his head was pounding and he finally threw the device down and slammed the glass wall with his fist.

'Damn you, Ivan,' he shouted. It sounded good. 'Damn you, because you're furious and impulsive about the wrong things and you don't know anything and you were born on _Earth-_ '

'So I was.'

Yao whirled. Ivan stood at the door, eyes unreadable. 'Ivan.'

'It was a long time ago when you worried about that,' he said. Yao laughed tiredly and balanced himself against the control panel.

'Once.' He looked down at his device and then up at the stars. 'Once.'

'Do you still want Earth?'

'As much as I used to. There are just other things I cannot have.' The ache for Earth had settled in him now, a weight he carried among the sharper pains of his heart and Ivan. 'Will you tell me more of Earth once everything is over?'

'I will.' Ivan came closer and Yao closed his eyes as he felt the familiar touch of Ivan fixing his hair. Just for a moment, he could relax in the glow of the stars. But too soon, he had to open his eyes and tell him.

'I was drugged, you know.'

Ivan stilled. His hand tightened on Yao's shoulder. 'When did this happen, Yao?'

'A few days ago. It caused my faint.' He touched Ivan's hand, and his grip loosened. 'It was when I went to the meeting with Natalya, and we think it was in my wine.'

Ivan's fingers bit into his shoulder for a searing, agonizing second before he pulled away and stared out towards the glass. 'In your wine?' he said softly.

'What happened, Ivan?'

'What does the drug do?' he continued, as if he had not heard. Yao pressed his lips together.

'We're-Kiku and I are not sure. It appears to be targeting my heart.'

Ivan was silent, still staring out at the stars.

'Is there anything you want to say, Ivan?' Yao pressed. Ivan was motionless.

'About the files, Yao.'

'What did you find?' Yao asked. Something guilty and bitter curled inside of him at his panicked insistence that Ivan risk everything for a head start on fate.

'I am not in danger.'

'Oh, Ivan.' Yao let out a long breath. If they could just slip the file back, Ivan was safe, and the idea filled him with a lightness he'd all but forgotten. Knowing Ivan was safe would be everything.

'My leader knows I have it. He knew everything.'

Yao felt the words as dullness, scraping, rough. The lightness disappeared, and he felt numb. He was too tired to be horrified or angry. It was too much to hope Ivan could be safe.

'Everything? He set it up?' Yao laughed and ran a hand through his hair. It hurt, but far away for now. He had been played.

'I think so.' Ivan clasped his hands behind his back, still looking outwards. 'I did not know until I came back.'

'If you had gone knowing, I…'

'Would have questioned who's side I was on,' Ivan offered. It was impossible to see how he was feeling when he was staring at the stars.

'I would have,' Yao said bluntly. He couldn't find it in him to soften the words. Ivan turned suddenly and strode towards him. Yao was reminded of how huge the man was, how he held himself. Proudly, always, but now with a hint of desperation.

'You must understand that whatever is happening is not between our fleets,' he said. His fingers matched the tenderness where they'd been before.

'None of this has ever been between our fleets, Ivan.'

'It has sides.' Ivan's blue eyes searched his, impassable and deep. 'I am on your side.'

'Sometimes it feels like you might be the only one who is,' Yao said. He pulled away. Ivan's grip hurt.

'Are you angry with me, Yao?' Ivan asked. He sounded childish, far away in memory.

'I am tired of being angry,' Yao said.

Ivan sat beside him, and Yao sank to his knees and allowed himself to be held until he was on the verge of sleep. Ivan carried him carefully to his rooms after that.

0o0o0o

Ivan closed the door carefully. He'd left Yao's key on his table. He should get the file back. He was almost certainly in danger. The thoughts swirled in his head. He wanted to go back to the observatory.

Was he drugged? What would happen to him? Was it fatal?

No. First the file. Then the stars. Though did it matter if he returned the file, since his leader knew? Yes, he decided.

He'd memorized the path between their fleets and their rooms now, and walked it through muscle memory. He would handle the file and then talk to his sister. He ached at the thought of her. She was kind and almost certainly was not motivated by anything other than obedience. She had tried to warn him, even if that was just a test from their leader.

The thoughts about the drug tugged at him.

He closed the door behind him and allowed himself a moment to collect his thoughts. His sister worked in the filing department, and would be finishing her shift soon. If he hurried, he would be able to talk to her as he replaced his file.

The folder was still where he'd kept it under the floorboard, and Ivan skimmed the contents one last time, ensuring everything was in place. This explained why his chest was metal and plastic, he thought with a hint of amusement, so simply that it could be packaged up in words. He slipped the folder into his coat and began walking to the filing department.

0o0o0o

Ivan wondered if anyone recognized him. Apart from the usual glances at his neck, nobody appeared to find his arrival unusual.

He made his way to the room he had taken his file from and knocked on the door. No answer. He pushed the handle. It refused to yield.

Where was his sister? Ivan straightened up and gazed around. He could see a hint of her hair in a far cubicle.

'Hello, Yekaterina,' he greeted. 'I need to drop something off in the filing cabinet. Can you open the door for me?'

She smiled at him, but her warm smile faded. 'Ivan, you are-'

'Please.' He nodded slowly. She hesitantly nodded back and led him to the door. She ran a card through the slot. Ivan motioned her in after him.

'Ivan, are you putting the file back?' she whispered. He nodded and withdrew the folder from his coat. Her eyes drew to it, and she swallowed.

How did you know I would be here?' He bent down and pulled open the B cabinet.

'I was not told anything except that you were intending to take your own file,' she said. Her eyes were wide with fear, darting to the door. Ivan replaced his file and gently touched her arm.

'Katyusha, I promise that you are not in trouble. You know nothing about why I was there? Nothing more than to come and tell me not to take the file?'

'Nothing,' she confessed.

'I needed to find out if I was in danger.' He smoothed her hair. The scarf around his neck fell forward, and with a gentle laugh, he pushed it back. 'Thank you.'

'Stay safe, Ivan.' She smiled, too. 'Please.'

'I will,' he assured her. 'I promise.'

0o0o0o

'It was successful?' Natalya asked. Her leader nodded.

'He ingested enough of the drug. He should start being affected soon.'

'And Nobleman Yao?'

'He will be fine.' Her leader made a noise of dismissal. His eyes sharpened. 'You said you deleted every trace of Yao's medical results.'

'I did.'

'One of the Middle fleet's ambassadors came to me with evidence that his faint was not caused by excitement,' he said. Natalya's pace quickened.

'Who?'

Her leader seemed as if he would not answer. Finally, he relented. 'Kiku Honda.'

Natalya tried to figure out how he'd gotten the results. She had brought Eduard in to wipe every trace from the computers.

'I do not know how that happened.' She ran her fingernail along the grain of the table. 'Is he threatening to release them?'

'He knows nobody would believe them.' Her leader's eyes stayed fixed on her face. 'He is using them to help Yao.'

'I don't know what we should do about it,' she admitted. Her leader nodded.

'For now, keep watch over Ivan and monitor his condition.' He pushed his chair back. 'Thank you.'

'Thank you.' She nodded and left.

0o0o0o

She called on an untraceable device and hoped Ivan would pick up.

'Hello?'

'Hello, Ivan. This is Natalya.'

Her brother was silent. 'Why are you calling me?' he asked finally.

She didn't know. She wanted to apologize, to say things that she would never say, to tell him about the drug if he hadn't figured it out himself.

'To talk.'

'Nothing is ever just to talk, Natalya,' he said.

'How are you, Ivan?' She gripped the device hard enough that her knuckles bleached. She could hear rustling on the other end. It was late.

'Good,' he said. His voice was not soft, but it was less guarded. 'How are you?'

'I am well.'

Silence again. All her apologies hovered on her tongue. The weight of guilt threatened to make them spill into voice. But she couldn't. Her tongue lay heavy and she could not move to say sorry or explain about the drugs or the plan.

'Natalya?'

'May you have good health,' she said. The irony of her own words bit at her.

'And may the stars come together for you,' Ivan said, so softly she thought she'd imagined it at first. Before she could ask what he meant, Ivan had ended the call.

 **0o0o0o**

 **However, I pay for their decisions considerably less.**

 ** _:: The weight of a heavy jacket on your shoulders_**


	19. Chapter 19

**Writing to bridge gaps between has no real formula.**

 **0o0o0o**

Ivan put down the device. Yao's proverb. To say it aloud, to say it to his sister felt strange and out of place. But she needed it. They all needed the touch of fate to try to fix what they'd broken and more now.

The redness of the wine seemed to stain his fingers. Ivan paced the room and thought. The question was not if he had been drugged now, but why. What part did he play in whatever strange game the fleets were in except for a pawn? Why would he be important enough to target?

It was too much to ponder alone, late at night with his sister's confusing and confused words still ringing in his head, but he couldn't run to Yao. Yao didn't know that Ivan could have been drugged, and it would only make him angrier and rasher, enhanced by his own heightened state. Kiku didn't need to warn him not to tell this time. Kiku didn't have to say Yao was sharper and restless now. Ivan knew better.

Ivan forced himself to stop pacing. He would have to think things through and consider every decision to ensure safety. He sat down on his bed and unclasped his coat. He could monitor his own symptoms and get a grasp on Yao's state. With that in mind, he could manage to touch the alien metal humming on his chest and listen for his heart. It was faint underneath the humming, but it seemed normal. Ivan buttoned his coat back up, relieved.

Should he call Kiku and tell him? Ivan was halfway to dialing before he thought again. Perhaps it was a bad idea, but so long as he promised Yao would not know, it would be fine. And Ivan could ask him for a cure.

Images of shredded wires and cracked plastic fluttered through his head. Leon. He turned them away.

Nevertheless, Ivan decided, Kiku was his ally. He dialed and waited. He didn't wait long.

0o0o0o

Kiku was woken by an insistent buzzing, and his first thought was to go back to sleep. He rolled over with a groan and squinted at the caller ID. Ivan.

He pressed TALK.

'You will not tell Yao anything I say?'

'What happened, Ivan?' he asked tiredly. 'I will not tell Yao.'

'Has he told you that the wine was the cause of his drug?' Ivan asked.

'He has.'

'I think I may have been drugged the same way.'

It was a dull hit to his stomach. He didn't know what he felt. Ivan was Yao's to think of, not his. Ivan was an ally, a strange and dangerous ally, but Kiku did not want him to die.

'What proof do you have?' Kiku mumbled. His head was still fuzzy with sleep.

'None.' The answer was decisive and shameless. 'My leader offered me wine.'

'No symptoms?'

'Not yet. But they grow worse as time goes on, do they not?' Ivan sounded almost fearful then. Something in Kiki's head whispered that maybe he feared the virus more than he'd admit.

'We assume so.' Kiku tried to focus on his clock. Nearly one in the morning. 'We should take you to a doctor, Ivan.'

'I don't go to doctors.'

'You have to.'

'I can handle it myself, Kiku.' Ivan sounded more dangerous than Kiku had ever heard. 'Whether you help me or not.'

'We have to monitor the symptoms-'

'I have no symptoms!' Ivan shouted. His voice broke.

Kiku paused, staring down at the glowing screen. 'Ivan,' he said slowly. 'Have you ever had a doctor?'

'Doctors don't take patients who they think are beyond hope,' Ivan whispered. Kiku felt a strange surge of empathy for his strange, dangerous potential ally.

'The Nordic exchange doctors. They are fair, as far as I know. They won't...dismiss you.' Kiku waited, tense, his words tumbling out in a rush.

'If you want,' Ivan said after a long pause.

'Check further to see if you have any symptoms while I contact them,' Kiku directed, relief and perhaps hope flooding his body. 'I'll be back soon.'

Kiku set down the device and rubbed his eyes. He hadn't gotten enough sleep in days. But what could he expect, with Yao to care for?

His bed beckoned, but Kiku slipped out from under the covers to stand on the chilled floor and dial Emil. He was directed to voicemail almost three times before Emil picked up.

'What do you want at one AM from me, Kiku?' he asked blearily.

'I need you to test Ivan Braginsky for the same drugs Yao had.'

Silence across the line until Emil laughed, hoarse with sleep. 'You are insane.'

'You will?' Kiku asked. Another silence.

'I will,' Emil said finally. 'Meet me at the Russian medical bay in fifteen minutes. I have to get Doctor Oxenstierna.' Emil laughed again, defeated and tired. 'You are insane, Kiku.'

'Caring for Yao has its side effects.'

'It must.' Emil sounded exhausted, and ended the call.

Kiku typed out a quick message to Ivan and set off.

0o0o0o

Emil stood in the middle of the floor, cold and shivering. Beside him, Berwald was stony-faced with hair sticking up, and Tino was fixing his own rumpled hair in the shiny surface of a scalpel.

'You said Iv'n was gett'ng tested?' Berwald asked. Emil nodded, shifting from foot to foot on the cool tile. The medical bay was empty and dim, and none of them had dared to turn on the lights.

The door slid open silently. Ivan and Kiku stepped inside. Kiku nodded to them, and began explaining to Berwald what they needed to do. Emil wasn't listening. He was staring at Ivan, at his scarf and his coat and listening for the humming that was said to come from his machinery, the machinery that he had advised for Leon, the machinery that had _killed Leon_ -

Emil felt the old pain swim back up, choking him, cutting off his air. Leon. His Leon, dead because of this man.

It was easy to think that, he tried to convince himself. Ivan was not the one who did the surgery. The coughing virus would have killed him anyways. But Emil had met Leon in all his fire for the first time when he came to the medical ward, when he already had the virus, and it was easier to imagine he'd never been any different.

Emil couldn't look at Ivan anymore. He dropped his gaze to the polished tiles of the floor and tried to breathe deeply, to not reimagine Leon's voice, Leon's teasing, Leon's single frantic kiss late at night through hospital masks and Emil's sobbing recklessness, his desperate pleading, _you'll get sick_ , Emil's hoarse whispering, _kiss me anyways_ -

'Emil.'

His head snapped up. Ivan stood in front of him. Emil's mouth was dry and sour. He wanted to rage and shout and make Ivan pay, make him bring Leon back, all of which was impossible.

'What?' he whispered. His voice was dry and choked. 'What?'

'I'm sorry.'

Emil wanted to scoff and deny his apology because it was just two words to replace Leon, but the anger wouldn't come. He just felt empty. Perhaps later, the forgiveness would come. Perhaps.

Ivan walked away to Berwald and Tino, and Emil stood alone again. The medical bay echoed too much with the ghost of Leon's voice, and it was too painful, too much, too many memories.

Emil slipped out the door. Nobody noticed him go.

0o0o0o

The observatory where they'd released the ashes was easy to get into. Leon had taught him the trick. Emil sunk to his knees in the middle of the floor, staring up at the space above. Leon. Leon, his mind repeated, images of his eyes and smile and later on, his coughing, his pallor. It was impossible to untangle him from Ivan and his machinery.

What was it worth to remember, anyways, Emil thought suddenly. Leon was dead. He was dead, dead, dead, and the chokehold around his throat snapped and he sobbed staring up at space, wishing for Leon, wishing for better things, howling with the pain he couldn't express until his voice was gone, dispersed into the uncaring silence of space.

Nothing happened. Nobody came to comfort him. Leon did not come back, and something small and childish buckled inside Emil when those foolish dreams dissolved.

Above him, the stars spun. Emil wiped away his tears and stared up at them. He was looking at Leon right now, maybe. Since Leon was in space. It was ridiculous, he knew, but nobody could prove him wrong, and a small peace settled in his twisted stomach at that.

They'd tried, at least. Emil lay down, flat on his back. They'd tried to fix him. It was just bad luck. Bad luck. Bad fate. Damn fate. Whatever people wished on it, they only had themselves, the power of their leaders, in the end. And in the end, whatever human fate they had was not enough to save Leon.

Emil finally noticed his device buzzing. Tino messaging him, asking him where he was. Emil typed out _home_ , not to worry, that he was fine. Then he closed his eyes and slept.

0o0o0o

Ivan held the papers. The clinical detachment of Doctor Oxenstierna in response to the drug had softened the blow.

He read over the papers again. He was demonstrating the same results as Yao. They didn't know if it was fatal. He kept himself restricted to those two facts.

He thought of Emil, of his grief.

'What are we going to do next, Ivan?' Kiku asked. Ivan startled out of his thoughts.

'Tell Yao.'

'Tomorrow,' Kiku said tiredly. Ivan nodded. He thought of Yao, of his own heart and humming lungs. He was in danger.

'I'll go now,' he said.

Kiku turned away to his rooms. Ivan waited to make sure he wouldn't come back out before running to Yao's rooms. Perhaps it was the drug that made him reckless, but he didn't think he'd regret it.

0o0o0o

Yao woke up to Ivan's warmth in the darkness.

'Ivan? What are you doing here?'

'I'll explain in the morning,' Ivan promised. 'Trust me.'

'I trust you,' Yao said. He felt the bed sag beside him as Ivan settled in.

'Good.'

When Ivan was still, the world was utterly devoid of anything but his warmth. Yao reached out to touch him, and Ivan shivered.

'Why are you here?'

'I want to kiss you,' Ivan said plainly, but his words were weighted with more than a simple request. They had a finality to them.

'You may,' Yao said. Ivan touched him along his neck, his jaw, and kissed him softly.

The bed creaked. Ivan held Yao as if he might break and pressed him onto his back.

'Ivan, what's wrong?'

'I'll explain in the morning,' Ivan repeated. 'For now, may I?'

Yao closed his eyes. The darkness behind his eyelids was no different than outside. 'You may.'

Ivan was gentle, steady, pressing and holding and taking until Yao gasped underneath him.

'Forget about the questions for now,' he promised, brushing Yao's hair from his eyes. 'Close your eyes and feel.'

Every touch and kiss and stroke, weighted by secrets hanging over them like rain. In the morning, Yao repeated, but found he could not care for a moment because in the darkness, everything was Ivan, his weight, his hands, his breathing, his scent of flowers and metal. When Ivan moved, the confusing world snapped back together, and so Yao touched his sides and pulled off his scarf until the movement made a different world out of the darkness.

'Yao,' Ivan whispered, pressing forward, the weight and heat pulling tight together until it all snapped and Yao arched back with a cry, not caring about anything but Ivan's touch, his voice, commanding, pleading, desperate. 'Feel.'

And Yao did, sharply in the darkness, and let everything else vanish.

 **0o0o0o**

 **The imagined world is fuzzier there, and perhaps if I wrote movies instead (which wouldn't be good) I could fix the bridges.**

 ** _:: Leather worn soft with use and age_**


	20. Chapter 20

**One of my favourite things is old rhymes in stories-counting crows and old myths.**

 **0o0o0o**

Ivan let him go about his routine-silks and hair, sharpening his eyes and teeth for the coming battles. He sat on the bed and pulled at the edges of his scarf and wondered if Yao remembered that he needed to explain.

Yao didn't ask during the entire process for any explanation, but he came to Ivan's side and sat as if gathering energy for the day ahead, and that is worse, worse enough that Ivan let himself speak, but the wrong words came out.

'Have you talked to Doctor Oxenstierna recently?' Yao shook his head mutely. Ivan pulled at his scarf harder, wishing he could say something. 'He's worried about Emil,' he said. It was not a lie. Everyone was worried about Emil, even if he was getting better. The beast of loss was a cruel and vicious one, hard to dislodge and harder to forget.

'I know,' Yao said. 'I would be.'

'Why?'

'Why not?' Yao challenged back, but fell against his side with a smile. 'Ivan.'

'Yes?'

'Stay safe.' He nodded, so assured and unknowing that Ivan very nearly told him the truth right then, but stopped himself with the thought that he had. Some of it, at least, and that was okay.

0o0o0o

Yao walked into the meeting room, papers shuffling in his hands, thoughts flicking and clicking in his head. Ivan was hiding something underneath the new-Yao wanted to call it the gentleness in his eyes. It couldn't be deathly, though, or he would have told. Even if their relationship of an alliance was a precarious balancing act, Yao trusted that Ivan would speak when it counted.

'Yao, it's time to start,' Kiku whispered. Yao nodded and put down his papers.

'Doctors have been closely monitoring my health and I am glad to announce that I've made a full recovery,' he lied. Beside him, Kiku's foot tapped, the only sign of his surprise.

'That's good,' Natalya said. Yao caught her gaze, but it was unreadable. He resisted the urge to press his fingers to the pulse in his neck and check if it was fast. He was sure it was.

'Anything else?' a matronly-looking woman-Yao vaguely remembered her-asked. Kiku stood and listed off exports, prime utilization of space, ending with a detailed report of finances. Yao remembered the long nights hunched over their desks, directing reports with a kind of frenzy. Kiku glanced over as he did so, the barest hint of a smile on his lips before turning back around. Yao repressed his grin. Kiku was clever and as proud as him.

'And you?' Kiku asked finally, sitting down. Yao was sure he was the only one to see the way he arranged himself, as serene and poised as the ancient samurai even on the office chair. This was his element, the war of wits and veiled words.

Natalya took the floor, not nearly as tense as Yao would have liked to see after Kiku's words. Instead, she met his eye calmly, readying herself.

'There has been an outbreak,' she said calmly. Yao's spirits, alight with confidence, sank. Bile filled his mouth. Beside him, Kiku's poise cracked, just barely.

'An outbreak?' he managed. Natalya nodded gravely, but her eyes were sharp as diamonds.

'There were signs of the symptoms. We apprehended the infected before they could spread the disease.'

'How many?' Yao asked. His mouth was dry and it was hard to swallow. Natalya lifted her head.

'Just one.'

The conversation moved on, but Yao was frozen. It couldn't be, but maybe, just maybe it was _him_ -no! He dismissed the thought. Ivan couldn't get the virus.

0o0o0o

Yao found himself running across the hallways of an unfamiliar fleet, trusting only the offhand words Ivan had spoken as Yao put his cracked machinery back together. The flags were unfamiliar and the wood was a golden brown here. He took another right. The building he had seen only in pictures loomed before him. He ran in without hesitating.

His footsteps made ripples of whispers and glances, but Yao did not care. He forced himself to slow, to regulate his breaths until he reached the main room. The guards looked at him fearfully.

'State your name and purpose,' one prompted, eyes wide and terrified. Yao lifted his head, feeling perhaps like the legendary kings of old with purpose and future.

'I am Yao Wang, leader of the Middle fleet,' he said calmly. 'I am here to visit the co-leaders of the Alliance of Two Fleets.'

His words rang in the air, hung like weighted teardrops of gold, and one by one the guards dropped their gazes and opened the door. Yao strode forward without a second glance, barely hearing the doors close behind him, and the two at the far end of the observatory turned to look at him.

Green eyes watched him, suspiciously, fearfully. Yao walked closer, every beat of his drugged heart the only sound in the haze. Toris and Feliks watched as he stopped, there in all his glory, red silks and golden eyes and starry sky behind him. He felt like a king for the first time.

They stared at him as he dropped to his knees.

'I need your help.'

0o0o0o

They arrived without warning. Ivan stood up, heart spiking with fear at the thought of the papers stuffed underneath the floorboard.

'Hello,' he said, looking between them, these alien figures in his room.

'We're very sorry,' one said. Ivan could hear the timbre of his voice even through the medical mask. Young, barely a man. Perhaps not even.

'For what?' he asked slowly, sliding a hand into his pocket, searching for the pipe knob he'd wrenched off a few days ago. The chunk of blunt metal was not a good weapon, but better than nothing.

'For having the virus,' he said. His hands twitched in their gloves, clenching and flexing. Ivan stared at his glassy mask and made out the gleam of wide blue eyes, terrified and helpless.

They believed he had it, Ivan thought with a pang in his chest. There would be no explaining that he could not be affected by the virus anymore. He caught the boy's gaze for a panicked second before his eyes darted away. Ivan felt a dull ache at the boy who he did not know and bowed his head as he was led out of his room.

0o0o0o

The quarantine was sterile white and silent. The patients lay quietly. Ivan was led to a bed. He allowed himself to be laid down and closed his eyes against the states and the whispers of _is it true, his neck, his chest?_

 _Absolutely_ , he wanted to say, but instead he kept his silence and wondered what would happen next. The realization had come slowly, so slowly he was furious at himself for not realizing it sooner. What better way to get rid of someone you could not really kill than say they were sick? Yao wouldn't be able to see him, and video calls would be monitored.

 _Clever, clever_ , he thought, opening his eyes again to the stark white lights above for a long second until his eyes burned and he returned to the darkness.

0o0o0o

'You, like, ran here from the Middle fleet?' Feliks whistled slowly.

'I did,' Yao confirmed. Toris was absentmindedly fiddling with the controls of the observatory, brows furrowed.

'Why are you here, Nobleman Yao?'

'Just Yao.' He paused, all too keenly away of the time slipping away. 'I believe you know an Eduard? A programmer?'

'I do,' Toris said. 'He works in command in the other Baltic fleets.'

'I need him. I need his skills,' Yao said. 'I need him to find Ivan and-'

'Ivan?' Toris' hand jerked and the display went wild. Feliks grabbed his hand and adjusted the dials with the other before turning to Yao, all warmth gone.

'Ivan sent you?'

'No,' Yao said, frowning. 'I'm here to help him.'

'Not from us,' Feliks spat. Yao stepped back, mind spinning.

'What happened?'

Feliks paused. 'Old blood,' he said finally. 'Toris especially.'

Toris' hand was endlessly pulling and pinching at his collar. 'Old blood,' he agreed. His face was blank and bleached of blood. Feliks touched his face, and he started before guiltily dropping his hand.

Yao tried to recollect his thoughts.

'I won't ask about what happened.' Feliks nodded, eyes shining ferociously. 'I will...go.'

'No,' Toris said weakly, so weakly Yao was almost inclined to ignore it. 'Wait. I will help.'

'You will?' Yao asked, turning back around, electricity running through to his fingers. Toris bowed his head, and Feliks ran fingers through his hair and whispered to him in a rhythmic language Yao couldn't understand. Toris raised his head, eyes slightly clearer.

'I will.' He managed a half-smile, Feliks running a hand over his back. 'Come. Eduard is this way.'

The run to the other Baltic fleets was a short one that felt like nothing. Yao was alight with anticipation, but the dread of what he might find was lodged heavy in his stomach.

The command room was simple and large, and Toris picked out a man with rumpled blond hair and glasses sitting in front of a computer.

'Eduard,' he called. Eduard looked up and waved.

'Hello, Toris!' He looked at Yao, squinted, and then stiffened. 'Is that the leader?'

'Yes,' Yao said, stepping forward. Eduard looked terrified as he accepted the handshake. 'Just Yao is fine.'

'Right,' Eduard said shakily before pointing at Toris and Feliks. 'Why have you brought be the Middle fleet leader?'

'I need to find someone,' Yao explained. Eduard stared at him before blowing out a long breath.

'And that's something only I can do?'

'Yes,' Yao affirmed, feeling sick.

Eduard ran a hand through his hair.

'Be careful,' he said quietly. He opened his device and pulled up an app. The commands he typed in were almost too fast to follow, and Yao was left staring at a blinking cursor.

'Who are we looking for?'

'Ivan Braginsky.'

Eduard's fingers paused and he went still. Yao focused on the floor.

'Ivan Braginsky.' Eduard took a long breath. 'You must have convinced Toris, and though I may not trust you, I trust him.' He typed in the name and the lines of text scrolled across the screen. Eduard turned the device back towards him and flicked through it, frowning.

'That can't be right.' He typed in the commands again and then swore.

'What happened?' Yao asked. Drugged heart or no, it felt like it would stop. His world swam.

'It says Ivan is dead,' Eduard said, and turned the device towards him.

STATUS: DEAD

The two words blinked up at him, and Yao felt faint, faint, faint as faraway stars, like he was disappearing, fading away.

STATUS: DEAD

'No,' he whispered. He closed his eyes, pressed the heels of his hands into them but when he opened them again-

STATUS: DEAD

No, no, no. Ivan couldn't be dead.

0o0o0o

It would be useless to argue against it. He was quarantined and alone and all he could think of was how well they had been played like pawns.

'Get up,' someone instructed, and he rose like a rag doll and followed them. It was only when he saw the signs declaring that it was a changing room that fear finally broke through the haze, gibbering, horrible fear. His scarf, he needed it because it was a gift and because it was its own strange protection and no, no, no.

'Just go,' the someone instructed, and Ivan did, too the sterile clothes shoved into his arms and stripped off the warmer clothing and the simple robe was too cold and the panic ate away at him.

His scarf. He picked it up with shaking hands and thought of his sister and pulled off his robe with fingers that struggled with the fastenings and tied it around him, and it gave him perhaps some comfort, some warmth.

He walked out and watched as the rest was taken away.

 **0o0o0o**

 **And I admit that I use it more than I should.**

 ** _:: White noise that seems to swallow the world_**


	21. Chapter 21

**Having to regulate the rules of a universe that does not exist and that you cannot check is difficult.**

 **0o0o0o**

No doctor had been willing to take the man with the metal replacing his chest even here. Nobody had come to check on him, and Ivan had been glad. He had soothed his nerves with the scarf he'd hidden and waited. Until now, with the doctors he recognized adjusting his IV drip with downcast eyes. Tino worked silently. Berwald had disappeared. But Emil watched him with wide purple eyes that did not shy away when he met them.

There was no way to speak to them, no way to ask about the fleets. Ivan waited in silence, frustration clouding his thoughts.

They woke him up during the bustle of lunchtime. There was a new glint in the Finn's eyes, assuring, steady.

'We found a way to help you,' Tino whispered.

'How?'

'We'll get the scarf to Yao.' Tino handed him his food, pretending to talk to Emil as he did. 'Don't do anything rash.'

'Alright.'

They walked away, leaving Ivan with his thoughts again, but at least he had something to anticipate instead of sketching patterns on the bedsheets with the waxy ends of the medical instruments. The hours passed, and he dozed fitfully.

When he woke, it was dark. The lights were off.

'Get up,' Berwald whispered. His voice was strange through the medical mask. Ivan stood. 'Change 'nto these.' His eyes were steely as he held out an identical outfit to what Ivan was wearing. Ivan accepted them.

'Thank you.'

Berwald inclined his head.

Ivan wrapped the scarf in the clothes and handed them over. Berwald accepted them without reaction.

'Thank you,' Ivan said again.

'We try our best.'

0o0o0o

There was a simple glass, sitting on his bedside table. The water inside rippled every time Yao threw something.

He grabbed a book and hurled it at the wall. It bounced off with a satisfying thump, and he roared out all his pain and confusion and fury at fate and Ivan and himself. Another book. Another. He glanced at the cover and remembered it dimly, crushing a letter so long ago-

The book thudded against the wall and left marks. He strode over and picked it up again, sighting the glass on his bedside table. A shriveled yellow petal lay beneath the water.

The glass shattered into stars and the water spread out over the wood and Yao ran for it, scrabbling through the broken clear pieces for the petal. He found it and clutched it in his bleeding palm-who cared if the sunflowers were artificially engineered? They lasted longer. They were a memory in physical form.

'Yao!' Kiku yelled. Yao's head shot up and he struggled, shouted, but all that came out was an inhuman cry as Kiku dragged him onto the bed.

'Kiku…'

'Yao, what are you doing?' Kiku grabbed his hand and Yao yanked it back. 'I need to clean your hands, Yao.'

'Impossible, from all I've done,' Yao said without thinking of anything but the blood that must be on his hands. Leon, Ivan, who else?

'I know.' Kiku looked infinitely sad for a second. 'Let me at least do this.'

His hand uncurled as if controlled by someone else, and the petal fell onto the bed. Kiku looked down at it, and a flicker of anger showed through the worry. And sadness, Yao thought as Kiku wiped off the blood and examined the cut.

'You make bad decisions, Yao,' he said. Yao tried to laugh. It came out flat.

'I do.'

'Why do you keep making them, then?' Kiku asked. His hands were callused and gentle, medical. Yao didn't know how to explain that it was all he could do.

'To keep people safe,' he said. Kiku's hands paused. He looked up, then, and his eyes were dull with pain.

'You're not doing very well.'

A deep part inside of him cracked away. 'I know,' he said. He sounded small and childish. Kiku wiped away the last of the blood and they sat in silence.

'I'm sorry, Kiku,' he said. His voice was weak and pleading and he was suddenly terrified of what he would see in his prodigy's eyes.

'I know,' Kiku said quietly. 'I know.'

Yao reached out on impulse and Kiku made a small, broken sound in the back of his throat, barely a whisper. Yao held him tightly and told himself that he had to be stronger now. Kiku's eyes shone strangely.

'You're…'

'I know,' Kiku said with a hint of a smile. They stayed motionless in the gray hours of early morning and Yao repeated _be stronger now_ to himself.

'What happened?' Kiku asked after pulling away. Yao took a shaky breath, assuring himself that voicing the words would change nothing. It would not kill him. He was already dead.

'Ivan is dead.'

Kiku's grip was a burning hold on his forearms and released. 'How do you know?' he hissed.

'On his files. It says he's dead.' The words throbbed in his mind. Repeating, over and over.

'Do you know how he died?' Kiku asked firmly. Yao shook himself out of the daze.

'I think I might.'

'You know?' Kiku asked. 'How?'

'Coughing virus,' Yao said, hoping and hoping again that he'd put the pieces together right.

'I...I thought he was immune,' Kiku said slowly. Yao shook his head.

'He is. People know he cheated the virus, but I think I am one of few to be aware that he cannot get it again. But he was falsely detained under the accusation and now he is _dead_ -'

'Listen to me, Yao.' Kiku's hands grasped his. 'Someone like Ivan does not get transported without notice. We can at least look for him.'

'Do not give me false hope, Kiku,' he commanded. Kiku pressed his lips together.

'I am not trying to.'

'I cannot hope,' Yao said. 'I cannot.'

'You used to,' Kiku said, sounding small. Yao bowed his head.

'I used to. No more.' His voice finally shattered on the last word and he bent into himself, crying with the pain and not the tears; he felt wrung out.

They sat together and waited for morning light and better times.

0o0o0o

Yao told Im Yong Soo to attend to the observatory. He could not bear to be inside that space of glass and stars and _cold_. He pulled a rough coat over his silks and found himself in the medical bay again.

Nobody recognized him with the hood down low on his face. Yao kept near the walls, not knowing what he was looking for. Perhaps a boy with long brown hair and not enough years to grow into the lankiness of his body quite yet. If only he could turn back the clock to when the wars hadn't started yet and he could see Earth. If only he could just turn back the clock a few weeks to the beginning of the alliance and avoid a man with violet-blue eyes who introduced himself as Braginsky and maybe he would be happier.

'The volunteer?' someone asked. Yao looked up in shock and met eyes with Tino. The Finn shook his head minutely.

'Yes,' Yao said, trying to keep his voice low and deeper than it would be. Tino nodded and placed a bundle of clothes in his arms.

'Take these to disposal, please. It's important.' Then he turned away, and Yao forced himself to not tear through the pile at once for a note, an explanation- _an obituary_ , his mind said, but he ignored it.

As soon as he was locked into his rooms, he scrabbled at the bundle, registering quarantine clothes and a scarf; _Ivan's scarf_ -

He pulled it out and held it like gold, relief and exhaustion and _oh god oh god_ welling in his chest and up through his throat, this sign of him was everything.

But there was nothing else. Just the clothes. Yao swore and grabbed the clothes, looping the scarf around his neck. It still smelled of metal, the flowers were faint. Quarantine clothes. Had Ivan really been put in quarantine? Wouldn't it be easier to-his mind choked on the words-just kill him?

Yao found himself pulling at the scarf in his hands and turned it over gingerly. Small writing, waxy blue and flaking and nearly illegible. He gasped in relief, tears stinging his eyes. He was alive, he was alive.

 _Yao_

 _In quarantine_

 _Nordic doctors can contact me_

 _Do not know what will happen in three days_

 _Stay safe_

He was in quarantine. Yao dropped his head to his hands and laughed or sobbed or something between the two, feeling the puzzle pieces fall together too perfectly. The bill, the monitored calls. In three days, the ruse of Ivan having the coughing virus would be blown, and something would happen. Yao carefully unwrapped the scarf from around his neck. The blue waxy writing had felt odd against his skin. The lethargy that had overtaken him since his rage fell away, and he set off to find Kiku. Having hope felt good. Better than he remembered.

0o0o0o

'Ivan is alive and in quarantine,' Yao said, the words spilling forth and tasting sweet. Kiku glanced around and looked back, frightened to accept it.

'How do you know?' he whispered.

'His scarf. The Nordic doctors got it to me and it has a note inside. 'Yao, in quarantine, Nordic doctors can contact me, do not know what will happen in three days'.' The final words hovered on his tongue, and he kept them close, imagining them in Ivan's voice.

'So he is alive.' Kiku took a deep breath. 'In three days, the ruse of having the disease will fail.'

'So we have to get him out.'

'We have to locate him first. And then we have to consider,' Kiku reminded him. The dark shadows in his eyes pulled back a bit when he smiled. 'You're hoping again.'

'I am,' Yao confessed, smiling back. The hope consumed him, warming where the cold of the observatory had stolen away.

0o0o0o

Kiku led them through a maze of soaring hallways. The designs on the walls were old and stylized, and Yao ran a finger along one as they walked.

'Here.' Kiku knocked on the door. After a moment, it swung open.

'Hello, Kiku Honda.'

'Hello, Heracles.' Kiku nodded, walking inside. The man let him through and watched Yao follow with the same sort of strange intensity.

'You must be Yao.'

'You know about Ivan Braginsky,' Kiku interrupted, striding across the length of Heracles' room. Heracles nodded.

'Enough.'

'Where have you seen him?' Kiku asked. Heracles raises an eyebrow.

'You haven't heard he's sick?'

'We've heard,' Yao managed. 'We need to know if you've seen him.'

'The quarantine by the Pacific gates,' Heracles said slowly. 'But you're too late. He will be dead soon.'

'He's immune to the coughing virus,' Yao said. Heracles' eyes met his, unreadable and green as the sea.

'May I use your device?' Kiku asked. Heracles nodded.

'It's on the table.'

Kiku disappeared into a different room. Yao broke their gaze.

'You're looking for Ivan,' Heracles mused. 'That's more trouble than it's worth.'

'I need to,' Yao said. Something in Heracles' eyes changed.

'I believe you,' he said.

'We have to go, Yao.' Kiku looked better than he had before. 'Heracles, what do I owe you?'

Heracles' eyes softened. 'Nothing,' he said. 'Yao needs it.'

Kiku looked between them. Yao stood. 'Thank you,' Kiku said softly. Heracles stood as well.

'Take the device. It sounds like you'll need it,' he said. 'And Kiku?'

'Yes?'

'Take care.'

Yao caught a flash of raw emotion in his prodigy's eyes, longing and scared. What the currents of the fleets must have taken from them, Yao thought with a pang. What they could have been if Kiku didn't have to fill the roles he was too childish to do, if they had had better chances. If him and Ivan had better chances.

'Take care as well, Heracles.' Kiku smiled slightly. 'May the stars come together for you.'

The door shut. Kiku took a deep breath and started to walk again. Yao walked beside him.

'Who did you contact?'

'The pilot.'

 **0o0o0o**

 **Controlling said universe is a rather finicky task at best. I rather enjoy it.**

 ** _:: Old lamps in old houses with steady glow and frosted glass, faintly remembered_**


	22. Chapter 22

**Feeling a story start to pull together to close is a strange feeling no matter how often or how surely it happens.**

 **0o0o0o**

Yao was alight with anticipation and fear. They were doing something he never imagined he would be able to do. They were going to take Ivan back, and then what would happen? How would they disguise his disappearance? And how would they enter the quarantine if they could even get there?

 _Calm down before you speak_. Kiku's words came back to him, his warning and reassurance before he'd disappeared back into the call with the pilot and instructed Yao to try to call the Nordic doctors. The quarantine would be difficult to get into and even more difficult to take Ivan from.

Tino didn't pick up. Emil did, and was silent.

'Emil? I need your help,' he said. Emil didn't respond. Yao resisted the urge to demand again. 'Emil, please.'

'Yao?' Kiku asked, covering the mouthpiece of Heracles' device. Yao nodded. 'May I speak to him for a second?'

Yao handed the device over. Kiku spoke to him in hushed tones. Emil spoke back slowly, tongue stumbling on the Mandarin. Yao could only guess where he'd learned it.

He only caught a few words, and those he did- _for Leon, I promise, I'm trying_ -were enough to make his voice shake when Kiku silently handed the device back.

'Yao.'

'How do you get into quarantine, Emil?' Yao asked.

'I don't know.' Emil sounded defeated. 'Why would you ask me? Why would you ask so much of people, Yao?'

'I...I have to.'

'No. You don't.' Emil's voice was not cold. It was simply flat, drained of all that made it alive. 'You feel like you have to.'

The retort rose; _Heracles said I needed to_ , before Yao realized how stupid he sounded. How stupid his antics must look to all watching. How easy it had been to play him and his power.

'I know.' The words crowded to escape, and yet all he could say again was 'I know. I know. I know and I'm sorry.'

Emil was silent. The device rustled with feedback.

'Maybe you do.' Emil's voice was not happy, but it was perhaps relieved. 'If you can get there around five in the morning tomorrow, someone will be coming in. His name is Mathias. Ask for him if you can't find him. Tell him-tell him you're a friend of Emil Bondevik and tell him what you need to do.'

'And until then?' Yao checked the time. It would be a long day.

'Don't come to the quarantine.' His voice cracked. 'Please.'

'Because you'll be there?' Yao asked. Emil made a sound, angry and lost and horrible.

'Yes.'

0o0o0o

The Nordic doctors came back the second day. Tino's hands shook as he recorded vitals.

'Emil's here,' he muttered. 'He shouldn't be.'

'Why?' Ivan asked. Tino's eyes flashed at him, furious and hurt.

'Because he's seen enough of this. Because he's going home soon. They're bringing in new people. Khøler and Bondevik.' His mouth twisted. 'Because he never should have had to watch death. I don't know what we thought, that he was able enough to handle all of this.'

'I'm sorry,' he said.

Tino nodded. His shoulders slumped. His eyes were shadowed from sleeplessness.

'Yao has your scarf,' he said dully.

'He knows?'

'He's smart enough to find you. Or Kiku is. He's not smart enough to leave you be,' someone said. Tino's eyes never raised from the screen.

'Go back to the monitoring station, Emil.'

Emil leaned against the bed frame. The thin metal clattered. Ivan could only see the defeated set of his shoulders from where he lay.

'Berwald wants to talk to you.'

Tino was motionless for a long second before he silently pushed himself up and walked away.

Emil crossed to where Ivan could see him.

'Yao is coming?'

'Yao is…' Emil laughed. 'He's going to try.'

'Did you help him?' Ivan asked. He sat up. Perhaps there was a bit of hope.

'I did what I could.' Emil met his eyes for a second. 'I told him the truth.'

'What truth?'

Emil didn't answer. His eyes were cold. 'You don't have the virus.' It was a statement.

'No. I'm immune.'

Emil's eyes betrayed their hurt for a second before they smoothed back into indifference. 'Because of the metal?'

'Yes.'

The boy looked away, over to where Tino was talking to the tall doctor.

'Send him back right away.'

'T'no.'

'I don't care. Send him back.'

'They're talking about me again,' Emil said. 'They think they're being quiet. In the middle of the night, arguing about how fast Mathias will get here.'

'When did they decide to send you back home?' Ivan asked. Tino's movements were sharp and hopeless. Berwald looked stooped over in grief.

'They've been discussing it since the funeral. They didn't confirm it with me until yesterday.'

Emil still stared at the doctors. His eyes shone. He made no move to wipe the tears away.

'I don't forgive you.' His voice was flat and emotionless. 'Just in case you were wondering.'

'I was,' Ivan said. His chest felt numb. His head was full of smoke, far away and simply watching.

'I'll be leaving soon,' Emil said. 'Mathias is flying in later today.'

'Goodbye.' Ivan took a long breath. It was like breathing with the disease had been. Rough and scraping and not enough. 'I'm sorry.'

'I am, too.' Emil stood and touched his face with a sort of curiosity when it came away wet. He spoke to Tino in a strange language, but Ivan was too tired to understand if it had been in English. Tino led him away. Emil did not look back.

0o0o0o

Yao typed out some messages about being sick and that perhaps he would come to meetings later. He showed Kiku. Kiku read and wrote an email about his lack of attendance because of caretaker duties.

'It should cover us for a while,' Kiku muttered, stashing Heracles' device back in his pocket. 'The pilot is my friend. He's under Feliciano's wing of the fleet.' He smiled slightly. 'He's very good. I believe his training score was on par with Alfred's.'

'The Alfred F. Jones of the Arthurian wing?' Yao laughed. It felt good after the steady fear of this strange mission. 'Impossible.'

'It's what he does. Fly.' Kiku looked happier than he had in days. 'I suppose he did learn it, though. He's the younger brother of the Celestial Knights leader.'

'Gilbert. The Prussian Eagle. You're joking with me, Kiku.' Yao grinned.

'I am not.' Kiku's eyes were bright, and for a glorious second Yao could imagine them before the alliance, talking about a strange man with violet eyes and teasing in the way only they knew.

'Him, Feliciano, and I are all friends, actually. Though him and Feliciano only met after Gilbert's fleet dissolved. Ludwig secretly took Gilbert in and Feliciano helped him instead of reporting him-ah, wait.' Kiku pulled out the beeping device and tapped out a message. 'He's here.'

Yao felt light as he ran towards the docking bay. When they got there, Kiku paused in front of a seemingly random door.

'Here.'

Yao pushed it open. A sleek fighter plane was humming quietly. It seemed an older model that Yao was expecting. A man stepped out, and Yao raised an eyebrow.

'Kiku says you're a good flier.'

'I am.' His voice was deep and accented, and he watched Yao with a mixture of concealed interest and wariness. 'Kiku?'

'This is Yao.' Kiku nodded. 'Yao, this is Ludwig.'

'We should go.' Ludwig strode back towards his plane. Yao followed.

'How's ruling the fleet?'

Yao started. A man with a shock of white hair twisted around from the front passenger seat, grinning.

'Gilbert?'

'The Prussian Eagle at your service. Both me and my plane.' Gilbert laughed and rapped his knuckles against the door. It clanged. His hand was silvery. Gilbert saw him staring and flexed the metal limb. 'Like what you see?'

'Shush, Gilbert.' Ludwig half-turned to glance at Yao. 'I apologize. This is my brother's plane.'

'It's called _Gilbird_ ,' the ex-Knight said, catching Yao's eyes again. 'I hear you're breaking into quarantine and busting out the king of bad pasts.'

'I heard he had...something with the leaders of the Union of Two Nations,' Yao said uneasily. The plane lifted off smoothly.

'Braginsky has some pretty bad shit with me, too.' Gilbert laughed. 'He's got a past with everyone.'

'Watch your language, Gilbert.'

'He deserves to know.' Gilbert raised an eyebrow at Yao. 'Kiku called in a pretty big favour from both of us to get you here.'

Yao looked at Kiku, who was silently staring out the window.

'Thank you, Kiku,' he said. The word seemed inadequate for all the small gestures and kindnesses Yao had brushed away. Kiku nodded, a sad sort of smile on his lips.

'Of course, I still don't like the guy. Too much to forgive. But we're better now.' Gilbert laughed, a wild, sharp sound that lodged in Yao's turbulent mind and stuck. 'Good as we'll ever be.'

'How is Feliciano?' Kiku asked. Yao was grateful for the distraction. Ludwig looked up from the joystick.

'He's well.' He sounded different, lighter, happier. 'I am...trying to teach him to fly.'

'He's not doing very well, but he's got the best teacher he could ask for.' Gilbert nudged his brother's arm. 'Kiku's told you he's on par with Alfred, but my little brother can outfly the Arthurian Eagle any day.'

'Quiet, Gilbert,' Ludwig said, but he was smiling.

0o0o0o

'We're here,' Gilbert announced. Yao woke with a start. Ludwig and Kiku were already off the plane, talking.

'Thank yo-'

'Here.' Gilbert tossed him two medical masks. Yao caught them and turned them over. They had a different insignia on them than he was used to. A rose instead of a dragon. 'They're modern, don't worry. Francis got them for me. Think of it as a bonus to the deal of flying you here.' The man looked at him, red eyes serious. 'Listen. I don't appreciate you dragging Ivan back into my life, and I could probably hate you for getting him involved with West, but it...it pays off what I owe him.'

'I'm sorry,' Yao said. Gilbert seemed like a warrior, so different from the man of before.

Gilbert shook his head.

'Repay me by taking care of your prodigy.'

'I-I will.'

'Make sure he never has to do your job, alright?' Gilbert sighed and ran his metal hand through his hair. He looked old, weary. 'I made that mistake with Ludwig.'

Yao had too many things to say, apologies for something past and done or for the future-or for Ivan. Gilbert turned away and popped the door. His left arm brushed against the wall when he got out. Yao looked over to the driver's side. The frame was scraped there.

'Gilbert.'

The Prussian stopped. 'Yeah?'

'You said this paid off what you owed to Ivan.'

Gilbert was halfway out of the plane, but he turned back. 'Where do you think I got my arm?' he asked with a half-smile. At his brother's call, he jumped out of the plane and ran towards him, laughing and talking again.

Yao sat there, mind too full for several seconds before he strapped on the mask and got out of the plane as well.

0o0o0o

Mathias was tall and boisterous with blue eyes that snapped from Yao to Kiku to the man beside him, who he introduced as Norge. When Yao mentioned Emil, he went still.

'You're Emil's friend?'

'Yes,' Yao said. Some lonely part inside of him that stood in wonderment of all the people Kiku knew wished it didn't sound so much like a lie, but Emil had been Leon's friend and nobody else's.

Mathias kept studying him before he burst into laughter.

'That's garbage! Come on, I'll get you in.'

'What?' Yao asked. Mathias grinned at him.

'Emil has a type, let's just say, and it's not you. Plus, you're way too old for him. But you know him, and I think he's at least grown used to tolerating you, and I like the way he's looking at my plane, so come on. You want to break into quarantine, don't you?' Mathias waved at Kiku and started towards his ship. 'Who you breaking out?'

'Ivan,' Yao said.

'Braginsky?' Mathias asked, tossing a nurse's uniform at him. 'You don't happen to know any Danish, do you? The uniforms are from my fleet.'

'No.'

'Don't talk to anyone, then.' Mathias threw another uniform at Kiku. 'Why are you trying to break out Braginsky?'

'I have my reasons.'

'We all do.' Mathias stood up. 'It just depends on whether they're worth it in the end.' He smiled, and the flames in his eyes lessened a touch. 'Come on, get in. I'm feeling generous today.'

The other man sat by them, disinterestedly listening as Mathias carried on a one-sided conversation.

'Hey, fleet leader,' he whispered suddenly, staring out the window.

'Yes?'

'You'd have to have a damn good reason to break Braginsky out.' He looked over and raised his eyebrows. His eyes were the same shade as Emil's. 'What is it?'

Yao felt the weight settle back on his shoulders. His reasons were impulse and attraction and nothing more concrete than fleeting emotion, and yet his world rested on those factors right now.

'I don't know.'

'Wow.' The man leaned back and motioned to Kiku. 'Does he know that?'

'Better than anyone,' Yao said dully. The man laughed.

'And yet he's still with you.' He glanced over to Mathias, who was now talking to Kiku. 'Mathias is reasonless and I keep with him because there is no other place I would rather be,' he said softly. 'Think of that next time you doubt yourself.'

Yao's throat felt thick, and he nodded. The man leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes.

'How did you win the word of my brother, anyways?'

'Emil is your brother?'

'Lillebror.' He opened his eyes again. 'I'm Lukas Bondevik. Don't call me Norge. Only Mathias does that.'

'I suppose I had someone to vouch for me,' Yao said quietly. 'His name was Leon.'

'Was Leon.'

'He died of the coughing virus.'

Lukas was quiet. When he spoke, his voice was gentle. 'I'm sorry to hear that.'

'Emil loved him,' Yao said. The words were harsh on his tongue, and he blinked back the stinging in his eyes. Lukas looked horribly lost for a second before he turned away for so long Yao was about to apologize.

'And did Leon love him back?' Lukas asked.

'Yes,' Yao said. Lukas breathed out soft and slow.

'That's how you won him, then.'

0o0o0o

Ivan was alone and cold and the metal humming in his chest had never felt so alien. He drifted, through dreams and nightmares and perhaps waking, waiting for anything to happen. The Nordic doctors did not come back, and Ivan wondered if they ever would, or if they had only stayed for Emil.

He dreamed of Yao, his steady words and his bright angers and his red silks and his sharp amber eyes, whispering words Ivan could not understand in the haze. He imagined what Yao would say if he saw Earth, not as the wars had left it but as it had been, green and blue and shining. Breathtaking. Probably his satisfied sort of small laugh, teasing, _I expected better from all your tales_.

 _'Ivan_ ,' the Yao in his dream said, and he reached out, trying to capture again the feel of silk and long hair and his skin, wondered if he'd ever see Yao again.

 _'Ivan_ ,' Yao insisted again, and then sharper, again, more and more real until Ivan was gloriously awake and warmer than before and his chest hurt when he gasped because Yao was there, in front of him, real in the silk and spill of his ponytail and the amber of his eyes, stained with tears and repeating _Ivan, Ivan_ until Ivan held him and pressed their mouths together, and he laughed wild and bright and his fingers dug into his shirt to pull him closer and Ivan's world was warm again.

 **0o0o0o**

 **Even stranger is the appearance of a new story, and the changes in universe you must make to end one and create another.**

 ** _:: Messy hair from sleeping where you normally don't_**


	23. Chapter 23

**I don't know which is more harrowing, the worry to close a story properly or the urge to keep writing, but of course, all stories must end.**

 **0o0o0o**

Yao had remembered his heart, the whir of his machinery, the soft inhale-exhale of his breath, but it was nothing compared to the overwhelming loudness and yet the gentleness of hearing the reality.

'Ivan.'

'Yao.' Ivan's eyes shone, blue this close and violet if he would lean away. 'How did you get here?'

'Kiku,' he said, because the implications of all Kiku really _did_ was all too much. 'Stay still. We're going to get you out,' he promised.

But for a precious few seconds he was allowed to stand and hear and touch again, and it banished the freezing cold of the STATUS note from his mind. Ivan was here.

'The famous Braginsky,' Lukas interrupted. Yao looked over to where he leaned against the side table. 'Could you be expected to know my lillebror as well?'

'I knew him. He said you two were coming in.' Ivan gestured to where Mathias was talking as he worked. The patients looked happier than Yao had ever seen them. 'Mathias and Lukas.'

'Lukas,' the man said, jabbing a thumb at his own chest. 'You weren't friends?'

'I wouldn't call it that.' Ivan broke their gaze and met Yao's eyes again. His eyes were carefully blanker now, but something heavy and dark had settled at the core.

'Mmm.' For a second, Yao thinks Lukas will argue. He simply inclines his head towards Yao. His violet eyes are exactly like Emil's in the days after the funeral, empty of everything. 'When you're ready, we can sneak you out. For now, keep a low profile.'

Lukas walked away. Mathias brightened when he saw him, talking enthusiastically. Yao could catch a hint of Lukas' smile.

What had he said? That there was no place he'd rather be than by Mathias' side, no matter what. Yao watched them, their easy give-and-take dance. A curious sort of bond for them. But wasn't all his just as strange?

'Ivan,' he said, the warmth of sureness that for _once_ he could do the right thing spreading out from his chest. 'Wait here.'

'Are you going to go talk to Kiku?' Ivan asked. A childish, teasing sort of question. Yao laughed, the sureness buoying him up.

'Yes.'

0o0o0o

Kiku was on Heracles' device. When Yao came, he slid it back into his pocket.

'I don't feel I'm qualified to talk to any of the patients,' he said, twisting a bit of his medical uniform between his fingers. Yao shrugged, feeling another smile curl up from the warmth.

'I want to say thank you.'

'You've said it already,' Kiku pointed out. Yao shook his head.

'Not enough. Really.'

Kiku paused in his worrying. 'It's okay, Yao,' he said softly.

'I…' Yao couldn't name all the things he thought about favours and friends and Kiku, utterly selfless Kiku. Perhaps some people had superpowers that way, in their endless faith. 'Whatever happens soon, take care of yourself.'

'I always do, Yao.' Kiku sounded surprised, and Yao felt another pang over how he hadn't taken care of the boy as much as he should.

'Promise me.' Yao grabbed Kiku's hand. 'Please,' he begged. Kiku seemed as if he would pull away for a second. Their eyes met, and the tension drained from the boy's shoulders.

'I promise,' Kiku said. His grip tightened.

'Thank you.' Yao let go. His palm throbbed sympathetically. Kiku flexed his hand and smiled.

'You've said.'

0o0o0o

'We're ready to go,' Yao whispered. Lukas shrugged his shoulders and sighed.

'I'll stay here to do my job. Mathias will get you out.' He looked up from the sanitary station as Yao motioned to leave. 'Hold on.'

Yao stopped. His stomach felt heavy. 'About Ivan?'

'About Ivan,' Lukas confirmed. 'He's never told you about his past?'

'I've never asked,' Yao said. Lukas tipped his head back and blew out a long breath.

'Well, his past is over now. But I'd tell it if someone told me exactly what happened with my brother.' He opened one eye. Yao shoved back the thoughts that he didn't want to know and tried not to look back at Ivan. Lukas was clever, like Kiku, and he was not so used to having that cleverness turned against him.

'I want to know what his past is.'

'Then tell, nobleman.' He thumbed at Mathias by the door. 'You're going soon. Better talk fast.'

Yao didn't want to tell. He didn't want to think of Emil and the thought of Leon sent cracks throughout him. But he needed-wanted-to know why people jumped in fear at Ivan's name, but Leon, Leon, the sound made him choke and gasp for breath, pulling at his mask-

'You first,' he managed when he turned back back around. Lukas laughed.

'Of course. You noblemen types, don't know the meaning of ignorance being bliss.'

'Tell me,' Yao breathed. The words felt like poison in his tongue.

'He was a technical colonel once. One of the Union of Two Fleets leaders was under him, as well as the coding boy and the small one. But you know that.'

'He was a harsh colonel?'

'Powerful colonel,' Lukas corrected. 'Mathias was harsh once. He's better now.'

'Mathias?' Yao asked.

'Do you want to hear about Braginsky?' Lukas challenged. Yao fell silent.

'Once they ran away, he took over a lot of the Prussian Eagle's fighters after his fleet collapsed. Legend says he also took in the Eagle himself. They had loathed each other for a while since over skirmishes, but it got worse and worse until the Eagle flew the coop and apparently ran away to the Axis.'

Yao wants to say that he met the Prussian Eagle and called him Gilbert, that he was less a warlord than a damaged shell of a nearly nameless soldier.

'He's really never told you?'

'Not once.'

Lukas studied his face. 'And you're going to keep by him?'

'Yes,' Yao whispered, voice nearly cracking. The man sighed.

'To each our own.'

'Lukas!' Mathias yelled. Lukas jerked his head in response, still focused on Yao.

'Listen, nobleman. Emil's word goes as far as getting you in and out. You aren't my leader. You nor your prodigy is worth the fallout of what I'm sure will happen.' He thrust his hands back into the water. 'I don't know how you'll cover this up and I don't want to know.' He spun to face Yao, eyes accusing. 'This is a game of worth, Yao. I will ask you again. Is Ivan worth it?'

'Yes,' he repeated, and this time his voice shattered when it broke.

'Tell me what happened with my brother.'

'His name was Leon.'

'I know that much.' Lukas made a dismissive sound. This man was in the grey, Yao realized too late, neither his ally nor his enemy. He had one ally here, and it had never been Ivan.

Kiku caught his eyes across the room.

'They met in the medical wing. Before the quarantine.' The words spilled out fast. 'He-Emil and Tino were his caretakers. They treated him well. I only saw him once before the-before.'

'Before?' Lukas asked.

'Lukas, do you know how Leon died?' Yao asked, feeling strangely calm. It was as if he was suspended.

'The coughing virus,' he said slowly. 'You said.'

'We tried to cure it.' Yao pointed to Ivan, and then himself. He looked down. His hands were shaking. 'Do you know that Ivan has machinery replacing his lungs and throat? That he had the coughing virus and members of the Baltic states he helped command cured him by taking him apart? That he was born on Earth?'

Lukas froze. His eyes were panicked. 'No.'

'He was.' Yao felt an insane laugh bubbling up from where the warmth had been. 'He's immune, now, but the procedure cured him. And so…'

'You tried it on Leon.' Lukas drops his head to his chest, a mad smile on his face. 'You killed him.'

The words are acid and accusation and hurting and guilt, but Yao closes his eyes and nods.

'Does...does my brother blame Ivan?' Lukas asked, slowly, hesitantly. Yao wanted to ask if he really wanted to know the answer, but it would be a breach of some long-ago honour were he to lie.

'Yes.'

Lukas stared at him. He turned away slowly, staring towards the door, towards Mathias. 'Go.'

Yao did.

0o0o0o

'You're lucky you've got me,' Mathias said, pushing him through. 'You sure he hasn't got the virus?'

'You're asking now?' Yao asked, ducking into the tiny airlock.

'Does he?'

'I don't,' Ivan said. Mathias raised an eyebrow at Yao.

'He doesn't.' He straightened up, feeling that his skin was prickling. 'He's immune.'

'Lucky bastard.' Mathias whistled softly, keying in codes and checking the peephole. 'People would die for that.' Yao hunched over. Kiku's breath stopped, hesitated, started slow. Mathias flipped open keypads, scanning his eye. 'Run on my signal, not yet not yet-we're in the clear, go, go, go!'

They ran blindly, trusting the Dane's judgement, collapsing into the plane. It was blurry seconds before he was watching the quarantine lift away.

Mathias grinned at them from the front seat.

'Congratulations, you've just broken a patient out of quarantine and technically become your own national enemy.'

The fatigue of the last hours washed over him suddenly, and Yao rested his head against the blessedly cool metal of the seat. Lukas' accusing eyes, his knowledge, simply everything, everything.

'Yao.'

Yao jolted. All of Lukas' stories whirled through his head. Once he was a colonel, once he had power, but then it all collapsed, into itself like nebulae do, making this Ivan that he knew. The star to his past of dusty nebulae, so jarringly different but so familiar if you'd never known the before.

Perhaps his love of nebulae was in the past, too, but perhaps he could start loving stars knowing what they'd been.

'Ivan,' he asked sleepily, too tired to try to stop the question he forgot to ask. 'Why did you become an ambassador?'

'To try to heal some of the rifts,' Ivan said, and that was the last Yao heard before he fell asleep.

0o0o0o

Ivan's back slammed into the door as soon as Kiku stepped into the kitchen, Yao's hands hard and bruising.

'Ivan,' he hissed. His mouth was hot and sharp, and the bite of his nails was sharper when he grabbed him. Ivan couldn't tell if they were kissing or fighting.

'Yao-'

'What are we going to do, Ivan?' he demanded. 'Everybody will notice you're gone.'

'You didn't have a plan?' he asked, hands faltering for a second. Yao hesitated.

'No.' His mouth twisted into a sad and shattered smile. 'But what does it matter?' he spat, as angry with himself as with the world, as with Ivan. 'You're supposed to be dead anyways!'

'I know,' Ivan said. Yao did not hear.

'They would know.' He pulled Ivan forward, pushed him back. The wood bit into his back, too sudden without his scarf to protect. 'What are we supposed to do?'

'Do you regret taking me from quarantine, Yao?' Ivan asked. Yao went still, and suddenly he hated and feared and loathed the answer.

'No. No, I don't. I regret my own doings. I regret the past,' Yao said. With every word, his hands loosened, until they were barely pressure on his chest.

'Yao, look at me.' Ivan tipped his head up. Yao's eyes glittered copper with tears.

'I'm sorry.'

'Shh.' Ivan pulled him close and embraced him. Yao leaned against him, wiry and tense, exhaustion written in his every line.

'Thank you.' Yao finally smiled, small and sad. 'Ivan, I have something for you.'

It's his scarf, wound up on the bedside table.

'I believe this is yours.'

'It is.' Ivan took it and wrapped it around his neck and for a second, it was all like before, like quarantine had never happened.

'Come.' Yao smiled and led him out into the main room again. Kiku set the tea down.

'We need to discuss how to hide you.' Kiku nodded at Ivan. 'I will allow you full range of the fleet-not that you seem to need the permission.'

'And I'll go to another meeting,' Yao said. His voice dripped with disdain. 'Perhaps they'll be looking for you.'

'I'd imagine they will be.'

Yao's eyes gleamed, amber and bright. A fiery sort of anger, full of vengeance and something ancient. 'It seems that taking you from quarantine is not the least of this game.'

0o0o0o

The meeting room was silent.

'I hope you are well, Nobleman Yao,' Natalya said. 'Have your injuries from the faint flared up again?'

'Bo, but thank you for your concern.' Yao nodded, trying to keep his worry down. The room went back to crisp, cold nothingness he couldn't stand until he scraped his chair back and stood.

'I apologize for my absence. I had fallen ill with a small flu, but rest assured that I have made a full recovery.' He smiled at the gathered ambassadors, who applauded. 'Has anything urgent happened while I was gone?'

Silence, silence, and then the matronly woman stood, looking worried now that eyes were on her. 'There has been news about the coughing virus.'

'A step towards the cure?' Yao asked, but the knowledge of what she would say sink deep into his bones and lodged.

'A patient escaped,' Natalya said calmly. Yao felt a wave of calmness wash over him.

'How?'

'Accounts say they were able to use their technological abilities to escape through the airlock.'

'Who?' he asked. His mouth was dry.

'Ivan Braginsky.'

The sterile white of the quarantine, harsh answers to harsh questions, the beeping of the machines. Ivan, holding him, hands reassuring.

'Where is he now?'

Her eyes seemed to challenge. 'He is dead.'

Yao saw the STATUS note swimming in front of him, hazy. He shook it away, reminded himself that Ivan was safe. 'I'm sorry to hear that.'

'I am as well. He was my brother,' she said. For a second, pain flashed behind her eyes, true, hopeless pain, and with a jolt, Yao realized that she did think Ivan had died.

Before he could say anything, she had turned away.

'We need better security on the quarantines.'

'I can discuss it later with you.' Yao wanted to call the meeting adjourned right now, tell her that her brother was alive and well even if all his common sense warned him against it. That she could tell someone. That all their work-their crazy, million-to-one flight with the Prussian Eagle and a madman of a doctor-would be for naught.

His head hurt thinking of what if's and he turned his eyes away, back to Kiku, who was frowning. Yao hauled his eyes back to Natalya's and forced himself to look attentive. Breathe in, breathe out.

Natalya lingered after the meeting, waiting in a way that was not quite that.

'Hello,' she greeted when he came closer. Away from the spotlight silence of the meeting, her eyes were dull. Yao flipped through a million possibilities standing there, not sure what he would choose even as he spoke.

'I am sorry for your loss.'

'You loved him,' she said plainly. 'I suppose I should be sorry for yours.'

'You shouldn't,' he said. Natalya's eyes lifted, cold and suspicious.

'Really.'

'He is your brother,' he said. Natalya went still. He inclined his head. 'May the stars come together for you.'

'And for you.' She smiled, just barely, and though he could not explain why, Yao felt safe in that she would not tell.

0o0o0o

'Speeches seem to be unlucky for you,' Ivan mentioned. It was still a strange, almost exhilarating thing to look up from his desk and see Ivan Braginsky examining his rooms. 'A report on my false death to both fleets.'

'Yes.' Yao felt almost amused. 'Well, I suppose I must go. Goodbye.'

'Goodbye.' Ivan held out his hand. 'Yao.'

'Ivan.' Yao brushed fingertips with him, and Ivan's hand grazed his forearm. His violet blue eyes lingered in Yao's mind until the moment he walked onstage.

There would be no deviations this time. No shouting about pride and people, no humming in his chest-though perhaps it was, and it was his heart, fast and faster.

Breathe before you speak, Kiku had reminded him with a small smile. To go. To do his best.

But all Yao could focus on was the way his breaths seemed to stick in his throat, more and more until the words sounded like gasps. But nobody looked worried, so nothing was wrong, he reminded himself, nothing could be wrong with him until he was off stage, out of the public eye. Where only people like Kiku and Ivan could see him, that was where he was allowed to be wrong.

But he was wrong all the time, wrong about things and about faith and about Ivan, even, and breathe, breathe-

'Yao, Yao-'

The cool smoothness of metal against his cheek, and he saw Kiku, head ringed by the light behind him.

'-Yao, are you okay?'

'Just dizzy,' he tried to say, but it came out as a croak. Kiku pressed his lips together, and then he was being carried, gently, carefully, to a place where it was cooler and darker, and all Yao could think was how ridiculous they must be, with the prodigy carrying the king.

 **0o0o0o**

 **Just as any universe has its singularities at the beginning and end, stories start and end with simple words.**

 ** _:: Movies about old things, with old pictures and reminders that hurt_**


	24. Chapter 24

**The last chapter. It's longer than I anticipated. My apologies.**

 **0o0o0o**

Ivan didn't want to answer the person calling Yao's device. Because everyone knew he was at a speech, because he knew the number, because he could pick up and speak to them with a dead man's voice.

He picked up.

'Ivan.' Her voice was soft and hesitant and weary. 'Ivan, is it you?'

'Yes,' he whispered. 'Hello, Natalya.'

'Yao...hinted you might be…'

'Alive. Well, even.' Ivan tugged at his scarf. 'I am.'

'I thought you might like to know. Yao won't die from it.' A soft noise. 'The drug.'

'Oh.' Ivan couldn't force himself to feel it as more than a dull weight off his chest. 'But I will?'

'No. The drug itself isn't fatal. It was just to get you out of the way.'

'And what about Yao?'

'To make sure it worked.' Natalya sighed. 'We tapped your device, made sure the drug worked.'

'And in quarantine?'

'You were supposed to have caught the virus.'

'I'm immune.'

'So you are.' Natalya's feed crackled, and Ivan heard rustling before it was abruptly silenced.

'Why are you telling me?'

'Because you're supposed to be dead. And you take secrets to the grave.' Natalya chuckled flatly. 'Or to the ash.'

'Natalya, why are you really calling me?' Ivan asked.

'I'm not commander anymore. After you escaped, I was returned to my previous position.'

'Is this out of spite?'

'No.' Natalya's voice lightened just a touch. 'I simply want to, I guess. We used to be better friends.'

'You continued to go to war while I went to other fleets,' Ivan pointed out. 'We're not the twin colonels anymore.'

'I guess we aren't.' Natalya hummed absentmindedly. 'Tell me, Ivan. How is Nobleman Yao going to cover this up?'

'I don't know,' he admitted.

'Well, good luck. In life and in everything else,' she said.

'To you as well. Stay safe,' he replied.

He pressed the off button and set the device carefully, precisely back on the desk. He wanted to call her back again.

The door slammed open, and Ivan turned to shout or hide. Kiku stared at him.

'I-I apologize. Where does Yao keep the medicines?'

'In the cupboard.'

'No.' Kiku waved aggravatedly, tearing through the drawers. 'Not the old herbal ones. The strong kind, for bad conditions.'

'Kiku, what happened?'

'Yao is-he's having heart palpitations, nearly passed out after the speech, breathing all wrong, the drug must be getting worse-'

'The drug won't kill him!' Ivan shouted, too panicked to say anything else.

Kiku turned to him. 'How do you know?'

'Please, Kiku. Trust me.'

Kiku's eyes flashed furious for a second before he fixed his gaze on the ground. 'No matter. Please help me find the medicines.'

They found the pills stuffed into a tiny drawer. Kiku grabbed the pack and stopped for a second.

'Are you coming?'

Ivan looked away. His throat felt thick. 'I would.'

'Oh.' Kiku sighed, harsh and angry. 'I'm sorry.' He looked down at the pills. 'I will trust your word that the drug will not kill him. For your sake and his, I hope you do not lie.'

He left. Ivan gazed at the device. He no longer had any desire to call Natalya back.

0o0o0o

Kiku ran back to him as people began to talk about moving him to the medical ward.

'Take these,' he said, pressing two small, chalky pills into his hand. 'Don't chew them.'

Yao swallowed them and grimaced. 'What were they?'

'Shh. For your heart.' A cool pair of fingers pressed against his pulse. 'Stay still and do what they tell you.'

'I don't want to go to the medical ward,' he said. Even to him, the words sounded petulant, but he couldn't stand the white sterility and the knowledge any longer. Kiku shushed him again, fingers moving to track his traitorous heart's beat before they withdrew.

'Your heart is at a steady rhythm again. I think it was just…'

'The excitement?' Yao finished.

Kiku stared at him, his mouth twisting into a half-smile.

'Is that what you will say?'

'When I can breathe again,' Yao said. 'For now, I'm going to handle other things.'

'What other things?' Kiku asked. Yao sat up.

'Don't tell me you haven't heard. Ivan escaping and then dying is all anyone can talk about. Even in death, whether or not he's breathing is highly debated.' Yao winked, but his face fell. 'I don't know how I'm going to...do it.'

'I have faith in you,' Kiku assured him. Yao let his head fall back.

'At least someone does.'

0o0o0o

'I won't be your ambassador for much longer,' Natalya told him.

'Why?'

'Someone new is coming in.' She looked up. 'My term is almost up.'

'Farewell, then.' He paused and looked at her. 'Have you heard anything else about Ivan?'

'Nothing,' she said easily. Someone called for order, and they sat.

'Has anyone found anything else about Ivan Braginsky?' he asked as soon as everyone was seated. Beside him, Natalya smiled barely, and he let himself relax.

'Braginsky isn't dead,' someone said. Yao looked towards the person and his blood ran cold. 'Hello,' the Russian fleet leader said.

'Sorry?' Yao said. The fleet leader stood.

'I have reason to believe Braginsky escaped and lived.'

'What reason?'

'His body was never found. It was assumed that he had found some way off the island, but he's been wiped from all existence.' He strode forward. 'Someone or someones helped him escape and is sheltering him.'

Yao kept down his panic, shoved away the thoughts of being found out and what the consequences would be for both of them. 'Why would someone help him escape? Why would someone be sheltering him?'

'Political reasons spring to mind. A former ambassador has many secrets. Personal matters, even.' He threw out the last words carelessly.

'Any ideas on who?' Yao asked. Each word scraped like sandpaper in his throat. The fleet leader met his eyes.

'None.'

If the drug were to kill him, it would be now, and a poetic sort of justice that would be, Yao thought. He could hear his heart in his ears. They seemed to be teetering at the edge of a precipice, half a step away from asking, _were you involved with Ivan Braginsky's life?_

'Meeting adjourned,' the fleet leader called eventually. People filed out. Kiku tapped his shoulder and Yao started.

'Time to go, yes,' he said distractedly.

'Not quite. Please, could I talk to you for a second?' the man called. Kiku hesitated. 'No, just Nobleman Yao,' he said, and Kiku gave him a look before leaving and closing the door behind him.

'About Braginsky,' he started.

'Ivan.'

'Sorry?'

'Ivan,' Yao repeated. In that moment it seemed ridiculously important, some small act of defiance in the face of what might happen.

'Ivan, then.' He paused, eyes searching. 'You know nothing about him?'

'Nothing,' Yao breathed. The man stared at him, silently judging.

'Are you sheltering Ivan?' he asked quietly. 'Did you help him escape?'

Yao closed his eyes, a slow blink, and thought, ridiculously, of what he could do if he said _yes_ , if he took command like he was supposed to for once.

'No.'

The man said nothing. He stood and nodded politely. 'Thank you.'

Yao stood as well. The apprehension and terror welling up in his throat was all too much, but he couldn't let that be seen. 'Thank you as well.'

The man left, and Yao followed on his heels, rocked back and forth on the balls of his feet between the hall to his rooms and the gallery to his observatory. He needed to go check on Ivan, make sure he was okay, tell him to be more careful. But he couldn't, he couldn't do anything but long for Earth right now, long for utter, cold silence.

The stars, the stars when he threw open the door and it was blessedly silent and the sky was huge, so huge, was it really a stretch to think he could he looking at Leon's ashes somewhere, reflected in the stars and the nebulae.

He stood and drank in the stars and the space and felt himself and all his feelings and thoughts drain away, spun dizzy on his feet and stared until there was no difference between up or down or side against side, there was only him and space and faraway Earth.

Slowly, he stopped spinning and slept, slept until nothing else mattered.

0o0o0o

Ivan could hear them before he ever saw them. Not shouting, but voices deep and commanding. He knew some of the voices, they'd been under his command when he was a colonel. He leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. Were they looking for him?

On and on it went, with the quiet, deep voices just out of hearing, indistinguishable. He was helpless to do anything about it.

0o0o0o

Yao didn't know how long it was until he woke up and found his way back to his rooms, but he remembered clearly the people standing in his way.

'Excuse me, sir. We need to see your rooms.'

His blood ran cold and sluggish and he couldn't process what he thought for a long second.

'What?'

'We have reason to think you took Ivan Braginsky from quarantine and are harbouring him.'

Cold, cold, and Yao closed his eyes. Of course they thought so. He could not tell them no, could not disgrace the fleet.

'Of course,' he said. It was like he listened to someone else say the words. 'I will unlock the door.'

Every step took a lifetime of remembering, of begging silent apologies to Ivan, wishing they'd done things differently. Click, the sound of his key in the door and it opened and Ivan looked at him, his eyes violet and sad and longing. They were not surprised. They were regretful.

For a long second, they met eyes, a second given by the people behind them who must have been too shocked to think that the infamous Ivan Braginsky was saved, being here, being alive.

Then the second broke and the people surged forward, shouting, and Yao stood there, trying to say sorry.

Ivan closed his eyes when they touched him and dragged him out, but when they dragged him past Yao, still standing in the door, they touched, silk on scarf, and his eyes shone blue.

0o0o0o

Yao examined the podium. It was almost like the one he used for speeches, dark wood with gilded inlay.

'Nobleman Yao, did you help Ivan Braginsky escape quarantine?'

He did not look up. 'I did.'

'And you sheltered him?'

'I did.'

'Were there any other members in the operation?'

Kiku stared at him from the witness box, silent, posture horribly broken. Yao did not look at him. 'No.'

'And do you plead guilty?'

'I do.'

The gavel banged. 'Nobleman Yao is guilty.'

It was five charges. Sheltering a patient, denying a patient care, helping a patient leave quarantine, exposing others to the virus, and corruption. Ivan did not look at him.

Yao walked out of the room. He was tired. He was tired of everything. And something in him felt relief that he would never be allowed to lead again, because he was tired of it all, because he wanted to sleep and dream of nebulae. Something else felt guilty, breaking his promise to Gilbert about placing burdens on Kiku's shoulders.

Kiku stood against the wall, head bowed. Yao stopped by him. He slowly lifted his head, as if in a haze.

'I'm sorry,' Yao said. Kiku turned away. Yao stood there and waited.

'Please, Yao.' Kiku's voice was hoarse.

'They're letting me stay in my fleet. Because I need to train you.'

'It's my fleet.' Kiku met his eyes. The whites were bloodshot. 'I'm your prodigy. You are now-' his voice cracked, '-unfit to lead. I must take authority.'

'You already have the training,' Yao said humourlessly.

'I'm the fleet leader,' Kiku whispered, voice breaking. 'I'm the fleet leader, Yao.'

'You'll do better of it than I had,' Yao said. He looked off down the hallway, feeling every bone in his body seep full of the sorrow suffusing him. It was too heavy to bear. 'One last lesson.'

'Yao,' Kiku begged, sob catching in his throat. 'Please.'

'Meet me in the observatory,' Yao said. 'Please.'

0o0o0o

Ivan had said that him as a subject of conversation had died out eventually, but not for him, not yet. Yao sat alone, tried not to think of anything, least if all the whispers.

The door opened, closed. 'Yao.'

'Kiku.' Yao looked up. Kiku looked strange dressed in the red silks. 'Nobleman Kiku.'

'Please do not call me that.' Kiku looked away. 'You've always called me Kiku.'

Yao almost wanted to argue, tell him about rank and status, but he didn't. 'I'm only allowed an hour here. I will go back to my rooms afterwards.' He looked down at his own plainer robes. White, blank. 'Guarded arrest.'

'Yao,' Kiku started. Yao shook his head.

'Come over here. I need to teach you how to handle the observatory.'

'I know how to use it,' Kiku said. Yao smiled, eyes stinging.

'You already know everything about the system. I know. But since I always handled it myself, think of this as a last gift to you.' He powered on the interface. 'I'm going to switch ownership of the master controls to you.'

Kiku took a deep, shuddering breath and nodded. 'Thank you.'

'It's a gift.' Yao keyed in the commands and spoke his name.

'Here.' Yao felt strangely calm, precise, as poised as the old kings. 'Place your hand here.'

Kiku did, spreading his palm flat against the glass. Yao did the same, closing his eyes and remembering all the hours he'd spent with the stars underneath the glass. The interface lit up. Ready.

'Say your name,' he murmured. Kiku finally, finally met his eyes.

'Kiku Honda.'

'Yao Wang.' Yao nodded to the camera at one end of the glass. Kiku let it scan his eye, and Yao leaned forward to scan his as well. He took a deep breath and recited. 'I, Yao Wang, switch ownership of the master observatory controls and the entire electronic system of the Middle fleet to Kiku Honda.'

Kiku looked up at him, shocked.

'Yao?'

Yao smiled. 'Say you accept ownership.'

'I, Kiku Honda, accept ownership,' he said hesitantly. The interface glowed brightly and then faded all at once.

'Welcome, Kiku Honda,' a familiar voice said. Kiku stared at the machine in shock. Yao laughed, and it felt raw and good.

'I programmed my voice into the controls.' He embraced Kiku suddenly, and Kiku held him tightly.

'Yao…'

'It's a gift,' he repeated, smiling and crying and holding his prodigy, his ally, his best friend underneath the stars.

0o0o0o

Yao read books because there was nothing else to do. They couldn't give him death penalty for the crimes, they couldn't send him away because of what he knew. They had to keep him alive because Kiku commanded it.

He had found a book about flowers, a simple children's thing, old and faded. The page to sunflowers was dog-eared, and he unbent it because it reminded him of Ivan, and he didn't want to think of Ivan. But he found himself flipping through the old, heavy book often, tracing the pictures. He wondered if Ivan was dead.

He probably was. The death of a fleet leader would cause ripples. A missing ambassador caused none, except to those who cared to look.

'Ivan is alive,' Kiku told him, closing the door behind him. The guards that normally flanked him were left outside. Yao closed the flower book.

'How do you know?'

'Natalya called for him and asked how you were.' Kiku came and sat by him. 'What should I tell her?'

'That I'm well.' It was the truth. Yao had nothing to do, nothing to worry about. It was simple and passive and he didn't have to do anything.

'Is that all?'

'That may the stars come together for him.' He paused. 'Even if the sentiment is late.'

'Perhaps.'

Kiku frowned at the teacups scattered on the table.

'How much tea have you drank?'

'It's nothing,' he said, fighting off a tickle in the back of his throat, gathering the cups and placing them in the sink. 'Don't worry.' He dusted off his hands.

'Yao…'

'Kiku. I'm fine.' He smiled. 'Go. Lead them.'

'I'm scared,' Kiku said. Yao felt his mouth twist into a grimace, a sob.

'It's okay. You will be a good leader.'

Kiku turned to leave. He stopped. 'My ceremony is next week. I've arranged to have you there. If you'll accept.'

'I wouldn't miss it for the world,' Yao said, and meant it.

When Kiku left, he sat down and picked up the flower book again. But the tickle in his throat grew ragged and he coughed, harsh and wracking, bent over. When he brought the tissue away, it was bloody.

His vision swam.

'Kiku,' he said weakly. No answer. 'Kiku. Please.' No answer, and Yao dragged himself to the door dizzy and pounded on it until it opened and the guards looked at him lie he was mad.

'Nobleman-'

'I need a doctor,' he said, and then the world swooped sideways and he collapsed.

0o0o0o

Kiku looked haggard when he woke up. Yao looked around. Medical ward. He closed his eyes again, wanted it all to go back to yesterday, or to the beginning.

'Sorry,' he whispered. Kiku made a soft sound.

'Don't be.'

'At least it wasn't you,' he said. 'It was my ide-' He broke off coughing.

'Shh, shh.' Kiku rubbed his back. He was wearing a medical mask. Yao raised a hand and tapped it.

'Do you think the masks were faulty?' he asked.

'I thought they were as well. I had them checked. They weren't.' The lines around and under his eyes were far too pronounced. 'Did you take yours off?'

Talking with Lukas, the thought of Leon and he could think of nothing but needing to breathe-

'It was an accident.'

Kiku closed his eyes. 'I know,' he said softly. 'It was for Leon, too.'

'Leon took off his mask?' Yao asked.

'To shout to me. He thought it was safe since we were in the airlock.'

'That wasn't your fault.'

Kiku turned away. 'I know.'

They sat there in silence. Yao was too drained to be sad or worried or angry.

'I have it, then. They checked.'

'Please, Yao.' Kiku dug his fingernails into his palms.

'But I do. The coughing virus,' he said softly.

'Yes,' Kiku said. He touched Yao's hair gently. 'Sleep.'

'Kiku-'

'Sleep. Please.' His hand shook. 'Sleep well.'

0o0o0o

'He's sick.'

Two simple words in Kiku's broken voice and Ivan found himself bribing the guards and sneaking away to the medical ward. Tino let him in but wouldn't look him in the eye.

The ashen skin, the shallow breaths, the pain in every inhale. He knew the symptoms and he knew the signs and yet his brain said no, no, no and he knelt and shook Yao's shoulder until he woke up and Berwald cane running.

'Ivan? What are you doing here? How did you get here?'

'It doesn't matter. Are you-do you-' He can't finish the sentence. Yao's amber eyes are soft and terribly sad.

'I have the coughing virus, Ivan.' He shook his head. His eyes were bloodshot.

'No,' he said.

'I do.' Yao almost smiled, showing a flash of reddened teeth. 'They decided to let me stay here instead of go to the quarantine.'

'No. You can't,' be repeated. Yao couldn't, he couldn't.

'Ivan.' Yao reached out and grabbed him. His grip was weak. 'Ivan, what does it matter?'

'It matters the world,' he whispered. Yao let go of him.

'You shouldn't come back, Ivan.' His eyes were coppery with tears. 'Please.'

He left and the guards didn't ask where he'd been when he slipped back inside and wrapped himself in his scarf and stayed awake too late.

0o0o0o

The days passed quietly. Yao watched his own hands waste away. Kiku called him, looking worn thin, and Yao ached to be there, to take the work off his shoulders like Kiku had done so often for him, but he couldn't because he was in the sick bay in a bed, coughing, dying of the coughing virus-

He bent over and heaved, coughing out more scarlet drops of blood. Is this what Leon must have been feeling? The sheer helplessness, the frustration, the unfinished work and the rage that something could cut a life so short.

But at least he'd lived somewhat. Leon hadn't.

Leon, who died of impulsive urges and his own childish needs. Once the question took, it wouldn't let him go.

Kiku called again later and Yao said his question before he could stop himself.

'Kiku, at the funeral. Did you-did you tell Emil how Leon got the virus? When you talked to him in the airlock?'

Kiku said nothing and then breathed out, long and shuddering. 'I did.'

'Sorry.'

'Don't be.'

Yao tried to memorize every detail of his prodigy's face, his voice, to try to take it beyond the grave, but his eyesight blurred and he couldn't breathe and the idea of dying, of all of it was unfair, childishly unfair, and it took the sedative before he could stop crying.

When he woke up, he lay there and tried to come to terms with the fact that soon there would be no waking up anymore soon, just a long sleep.

'Did I wake you?' Ivan asked. Yao's eyes barely focused in the dark.

'I'm not going to wake up soon,' he confessed. His voice was a rasp. 'Ivan, I'm scared.'

And Ivan was familiar and warm and on his side and Yao loved him even now, and he held him when Yao reached out and whispered soothing words in Russian until he could speak again.

'I'm sorry for telling you to not come back.'

'It's okay.' Ivan held him close, let Yao hear the whirring of his chest, let them fade back into some sort of normalcy. Yao held onto him and wrapped himself in the sunflower metal smell of his scarf and prayed he'd never have to let go.

'Waking up,' he repeated. 'Underneath stars or with someone or even alone in the dark. It's still waking up,' he mumbled. He tugged Ivan closer, panic suddenly setting into his hands, clumsy and hot. 'Does it matter? Ivan, tell me it matters.'

'It matters,' he promised, 'it matters so much-if it matters to you then it does to me, I give myself to you, does that matter?'

'It does,' Yao said, fiercely, quietly. Ivan looked at him, at his hair and always, always his amber eyes.

'Спасибо, любовь моя.'

'You've said that,' Yao told him. He repeated it and smiled slightly. 'You said it means 'thank you'.'

'I said 'thank you, my love',' Ivan said. His eyes were violet and blue, swirled like nebulae when he leaned in and his mouth was warm, warm and Yao's fear of the coldness of sleep was gone for a wonderful second.

'Again,' he said when Ivan pulled away. 'Ivan.'

'Yao.' Ivan smiled and kissed him and Yao was warm, warm and together with Ivan, fusing into a star.

0o0o0o

Kiku was there when Yao woke up for the last time, and Ivan was not.

'Kiku.'

'Shh.' Yao's voice was barely a whisper. 'It's okay.'

'You were a good prodigy.' Yao turned and coughed, and Kiku saw red teeth. 'The best. I'm sorry.'

'Save your breath, Yao.' His hands were cold.

'I'm sorry.' Yao shook his head. 'Forgive me.'

'I...I forgive you,' Kiku whispered, and Yao's head fell back to the pillow.

'Thank you.'

'Save your breath,' he repeated uselessly. Yao struggled up.

'Kiku,' Yao whispered. The words came out as bloody gasps, teeth stained crimson. 'Be careful of nebulae. Don't let the fleet fall like I did.'

'You never did,' Kiku whispered. Yao closed his eyes and the sound from his lips was as close to laughter as he could have managed.

'You'll be a good leader.' He reached out and Kiku embraced him without hesitating, gasped into his shoulder as the reality of a world without his mentor settled into him. Alone. Alone. 'The best the fleet will ever see,' Yao promised. 'The best leader for...our people. You'll be good, Kiku. Promise me-' gasping, blood like red silks, 'promise me you'll...lead them well. As best...you can.'

'I promise,' Kiku told him, swore by it with every part of his being to his dying mentor in the sick bay, to the virus.

'Good,' Yao gasped. His amber eyes were cloudy. 'May the stars...come together for you...Kiku Honda.'

And then he lay back, looking serene, peaceful, like he really was just going to sleep. He breathed in, and then out.

'And may the stars come together for you, Yao Wang,' Kiku said softly.

0o0o0o

The new fleet leader promised things. He promised to cure the virus. He promised a better future. He promised to be better than the old leader, Yao Wang.

When he ascended to the throne, he wore red silks and the crown like procedure, but insisted on holding the reception in the observatory.

The last act he did before becoming leader was to arrange the funeral. It was private, and Nobleman Kiku did not speak of it.

Ivan Braginsky waited outside after the ceremony. The fleet leader looked up at him. Though the red silks were the same, nothing else was.

'Hello, Ivan,' Kiku said. 'Thank you for being a carrier at the funeral.'

'It was my honour.'

Kiku smiled, but his eyes were broken. 'Yao would have wanted it.'

Yao's name made his throat thicken. 'So you're dissolving the alliance.'

Kiku nodded. 'It's for the best.'

'I know.'

Kiku looked strange with a crown. 'We will likely never see each other again after today.'

'I know,' Ivan said. Kiku bowed to him.

'Goodbye, Ivan Braginsky.'

'Goodbye, Kiku Honda.'

0o0o0o

Ninety years later

Kiku had held true to his promises. He had become the best fleet leader. Ivan had been a carrier at his funeral as well, just a few years ago. His successor, a young boy who grew his hair long after the stories he'd been told, had landed the fleet.

The virus had been cured. Kiku had remembered his promise to Emil. The Nordic fleet boy was old now, settled on the new planet.

Ivan never saw Kiku again. He never set foot in the Middle fleet again. He remembered Yao.

Ivan knelt down. The yellow petals brushed his cheeks, swaying as he breathed. It had taken so long for these to bloom. He would not set these by the honorary plaque they had set up. Yao did not rest there. His body did not slumber beneath the soil, and it should never. He was up there right now, one with all the nebulae he had loved to stare at.

'Hello, Yao.' Ivan moistened his lips. It was getting harder and harder to breathe. 'How is it up there? Do you see all the things you wanted? Do you see Earth?'

His head throbbed, and Ivan's knees gave out. Nobody had bothered to fix him here. Nobody had found the need to. He was too old, hands too shaky to do it himself. The ground here smelled of the chemicals they used to terraform. It did not smell like Earth, of dying things, of living things. Ivan had a feeling the smell would never truly release from this planet. Yao would hate that.

'Do you see, Yao?' he asked. The sky was very bright. Yao did not answer. Ivan closed his eyes. The sunflowers no longer swayed.

 **0o0o0o**

 **It's done, then. I'll miss it. I fall in love with anything I write.**

 ** _:: The warmth of going back to bed at three AM_**


End file.
